Unraveling
by Hiccupping Toaster
Summary: Muggle AU - Fistfights at the Three Broomsticks, conniving politicians, and sinister new employers. The world James and Lily thought they knew is unraveling.
1. Chapter 1

The third compartment down, James was in luck. A woman and man sat in the window seats, but there were two empty seats next to the door. Sighing with relief, James slid the door open.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Of course," said the woman politely, turning to face James. Something about her caught James' attention. She was pretty, but not uncommonly so. Her red hair and green eyes were striking, he supposed, but it was more the way her mouth was turned up at the corners, as if she was permanently smiling at a secret. The man, on the other hand, was not only sallow and hook-nosed, he was surveying James with distinct distaste. He didn't make any vocal protest, however, so James chose to take his silence for assent and chose the seat facing the woman, where the view was better. He stowed his rucksack in the overhead compartment and stripped off his shoes so he could prop his long legs up on the seat opposite.

He was just settling in for some nice shut eye when a snide voice said, "I don't believe your feet belong there."

He cracked an eye open and saw the man scowling at him.

"Oh, leave him alone, Sev," said the woman. She too had taken off her shoes, James notices, and was sitting cross legged on her seat. James smiled and closed his eyes again; he had won that battle without even fighting.

There was silence for a few minutes, and James was just dropping off when the man's voice said, "Are you nervous?"

Startled back into consciousness, James cracked open his eyes blearily. The woman was gazing out of the window, her knees propped under her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs. The man was gazing at her with a very different expression than he'd worn when looking at James; it was almost tender.

"A bit," the woman said, turning to look at him.

"You'll be fine," said the man. "You have me, and I know you'll take London by storm. Just wait until you see our flat. It's not much, but it's right by one of the canals. I thought you'd like that."

"That sounds great, Sev." The woman smiled at him, genuine and warm.

James shut his eyes. So they were together, these two. A very mismatched couple, he thought. It was not, strictly, any of his business, but James made a habit of intruding on others' business.

"And come on, Lily, you've gotten the Phoenix Fellowship! You've wanted this for years!"

Now James' interest was truly aroused. His father had been very involved in the creation of the fellowship and James' family had contributed large donations over the years. It was indeed a very prestigious award, and much coveted among those hoping to enter into immigration law and policy.

"I _know_ , Sev," the woman called Lily responded. "I'm excited, don't worry. Just a little apprehensive, too. First time out of Scotland and all…But don't worry about me. I want to hear more about _you_. You were so cagey about work when you were talking with my mum. What do you do, exactly?"

"It's nothing much. Just a cog in the corporate wheel of a big biotech company. T.M. Riddle."

And now James just couldn't keep himself out of the conversation any longer.

"Isn't that the organization that was recently brought to court with allegations of making large, illegal donations to political candidates?" he asked casually, opening his eyes and turning to the man, who immediately looked enraged.

"I believe we were having a private conversation over here. If you're going to eavesdrop, you can just leave the compartment right now."

The woman, Lily, seemed more interested in what James had said.

"Is that true, Sev?" she asked, turning to her companion.

He seemed to struggle to master himself, but succeeded in smoothing the anger from his face and responded coolly.

"Allegations have been made. Nothing's been proven. Besides, all the large firms are donating to political campaigns these days, it's the only way to keep government out of places it doesn't belong."

The woman looked horrified. "Seriously, Sev? So, what, you support a government where money's the only thing that talks?"

James felt it was far too early for politics, and he was tempted to close his eyes again; however, he was deriving amusement from the way Severus kept glancing over at him, looking distinctly unsettled.

"I never said that, Lily," he said, lowering his voice to a mutter, as though hoping to cut James out of the conversation. "But if you work hard, you definitely have more of a say. Like us."

Lily was looking shocked, and, for reasons unknown, James decided to once more inject into the conversation. "And once you're at the top, are you going to join the other politicians and big business men in putting up as many barriers as possible to protect your position?"

Lily looked at James approvingly, which almost made up for the regret he felt; he was never going to get any sleep now. His hangover reappeared in the form of a sharp pain behind his eyes.

"I thought I made it clear we didn't approve of eaves-"

"No, I want to hear your opinion on the matter, Severus," Lily interjected. "You were always complaining how those rich kids at boarding school were doing everything they could to knock you down-"

"But that's what I'm saying, Lily!" he said, turning to her earnestly. "I worked harder than those assholes, and look where I am now! Nobody helped me get here -"

"That scholarship did," Lily interjected. "That _government-funded_ scholar-"

"Ok," Snape hissed, throwing another glance at James. "I'm sorry. Can we talk about something else?"

He gave her a pleading look that made James snort loudly. Severus turned slowly to look at him, dislike etched into every line of his face. James raised an eyebrow at him cockily, and Severus' eyes suddenly narrowed.

"James Potter."

James gave a start. "How did you know my name?" but Severus was already turning back to Lily, looking triumphant.

"You remember that prat I told you about from school, the know-it-all politician's son? Well, now you've had the pleasure of his acquaintance." Severus's smirk was positively vindictive now. "So when you talked about the rich putting up barriers, were you speaking from personal experience, Potter?"

Lily had turned her suspicious gaze on him now too.

"My father got into politics to break down barriers, not construct them. And he's not a politician, he's a policy researcher. Much like Lily here," he nodded at the woman and she looked surprised.

Turning back to Severus, he added, "So, we know each other from school? I can't quite place…"

Severus gave a harsh laugh. "Of course you wouldn't remember all the peons you tormented. But your mate Sirius Black probably would."

And then it came to James. "Snivellus?"

Severus snorted, giving Lily a significant look.

 _So,_ James thought, _Severus Snape._ _Never knew that was his first name._

The five years that had elapsed since James had last seen him had changed Snape. His hair was longer and his clothes were nicer, though they still couldn't hide the thin, slumping shoulders or mask the unpleasant sneer that seemed permanently affixed to his face.

"Snape," he said stiffly. "Didn't recognize you. Funny, I thought your first name was Snivellus."

Snape's lip curled at hearing the old nickname again.

"I see you haven't grown up at all, Potter. Not that I would have expected-"

"All right, enough," Lily interjected. James glanced at her; he'd almost forgotten she was there. "We have to share a compartment for three more hours, could we set aside the schoolboy feud?"

"With pleasure, m'lady," James replied. It was time he got to work on that nap, anyway.

Snape, however, was less willing to let the matter rest.

"Do you not remember everything I told you about him, Lily? He's a prick. His best mate almost got me killed. And his other mate, Lupin -"

"All right, Snape," said James, standing up suddenly. "What are you trying to achieve here? You want me to leave and stand out in the corridor for three hours? Or would you rather we both just stepped outside for a moment to settle this?"

Snape rose too. "There it is again, your intolerable arrogance. Nobody _invited_ you into our compartment, Pott-"

"Oh for God's sake!" Lily had stood as well. "This is ridiculous! You are two grown ass men! Would you quit it and just Sit. Back. Down."

"I'm not sitting until he leaves," said Snape, addressing Lily with his back turned firmly on James.

"Severus," she hissed. "Would you please _act your age?"_

James' hangover headache was getting out of hand. "You know what, I'm going to get a cup of tea, or maybe a hair of the dog. Whatever. You two sort this out."

Seriously. If there was a single other empty seat on the train…He had to keep reminding himself that he was not 15 anymore, and getting into a fistfight on the train from Edinburgh to London could have real consequences.

When he reentered the compartment a half hour later, steaming mug of tea in hand, it was to find Lily alone.

"Where's Sniv-er, Snape?" he asked her.

She turned from staring out of the window.

"Oh he went off somewhere," she said, waving her hand vaguely.

James could tell she was trying to appear casual, but her miserable-looking face suggested she felt differently. James hadn't wanted for this to happen. For Pete's sake, all he'd wanted to do was sleep the whole train ride, and now he felt responsible for cheering up a stranger. He took his seat and cast around for a topic of conversation.

"So, the Phoenix Fellowship, eh? Congratulations."

Lily looked over at him, one eyebrow raised. "You were eavesdropping the whole time?"

"Not eavesdropping, exactly. I mean, I couldn't really help overhearing. I was trying to sleep. Besides, it caught my attention because, er, because I had a friend who got it. A few years ago."

James wasn't sure why he was lying, except that Snape's accusations of him being a "know-it-all politician's son" were still in the back of his mind. Somehow, he didn't think Lily would be too impressed with his pedigreed background.

"Oh," said Lily.

"It's pretty prestigious. I guess you want to go into immigration policy?"

"Yeah." Her one word answers weren't really giving James much to work with, and he was just coming to the conclusion that she wanted to be left alone, when she added, "Well, maybe. I was always on track for policy, but I've started to think that maybe I want to do something a little more hands-on. Do you know what I mean?"

James nodded. He knew exactly what she meant. He himself always needed to be in the thick of the action.

"Policy is important, but you're just so removed from the people you're affecting. And you can only work within the framework of what's currently considered 'politically feasible. I've got to know what's going on either way, though, so I think this fellowship will set me up really well."

"It definitely will," reassured James. "You get to meet with MPs and work with other NGOs and foundations all over Europe."

Lily gave a small smile. "Right now it all sounds rather intimidating, but I know when the time comes, it'll be exciting. But enough about me. Where do you work?"

"I work for the Quibbler-"

"Wait, the political satire magazine? I _love_ the Quibbler!"

James smiled. It was a fairly normal reaction. He loved telling people where he worked.

"That one article about Nigel Farrage's satanic rituals-"

"Hey, I wrote that one!" James interjected.

"Really? Well, you made me fall off the couch laughing. It's funny I didn't recognize your name on the article, what with the number of times Sev complained about you growing up."

"Hey!"

"Well, it's true." She didn't look remotely abashed.

James sighed. "We probably deserved it. But you must know he wasn't exactly innocent."

"I believe it."

Lily's glance strayed towards the door. James leaned forward so that his elbows rested on his knees and wondered how best to pose his question. She seemed like a straightforward person, so he settled on a blunt approach.

"So, are you two, you know, together?" _Smooth._

Lily looked surprised. "Sev and me? No. But if you're trying to ask me out, I swear I'll make you stand in the corridor for the rest of the way."

"I wasn't thinking that!" James said, throwing up his hands defensively. It was true…mostly. "I guess I was just wondering how you two became friends."

"Why shouldn't we be friends?"

 _Because he's the soul-sucking son of bad-tempered demons and you're this funny, pretty, vivacious –_

"No reason, just wondering. I'll tell you how I met my best mate, if you'd like."

"The villainous Sirius Black?"

"Snape told you about him? Well, yes, I suppose he would."

"Not an easy name to forget."

"No. His parents wouldn't want you to. So there I was – on this very train, as a matter of fact, only going the other way. I was leaving my parents in London to venture into the unknown world of boarding school in Scotland, thinking I was just on top of the world. And I bumped into this boy outside one of the compartments. We were probably both a bit nervous, and maybe eleven-year-old tempers were running high because pretty soon a simple bump was escalating into a full on verbal battle, full of lots of creative threats. I believe I told him I would make a leather jacket out of his skin and wear it to his funeral."

"And the comedy writer was born."

"Indeed he was. Anyway, soon Sirius was yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, my cousin Bellatrix has a knife, and she'll set you straight. Oi, Bella!'" James imitated eleven-year-old Sirius in a high-pitched voice that he was certain the present Sirius would not appreciate. "And this girl pokes her head out of the compartment. Now, she's five years older than us and easily the scariest person I've ever seen. She has all this black makeup and wild hair and these really intense eyes, like Rasputin's."

He leaned forward and made his voice raspy. "And she says, 'Sirius, you little shit, one more word out of you and I swear to God I'll skewer you and your little sidekick here,' and she pulls out a knife."

"She really had one?"

"She really did. And Sirius and I took one look at it and we _ran_. We sprinted down the corridor and I accidentally knocked down-"

"Severus," Lily said flatly. "And then you started a fight with him?"

"Well, yes. But you see, this time Sirius and I were on the same side."

"The beginning of a pestilential partnership."

"It was. It really was. Well then, deal's a deal. What about you and Snape?"

For a minute, James thought Lily was going to tell him to bugger off. Then she sighed, tucking her legs underneath her, and, looking down at her hands, said, "We were childhood friends, actually. We met at the playground when I was eight. I was there with my sister Petunia-"

"Hold up, Petunia and Lily? Really?"

Lily smiled. "My mother's name is Jasmina, which is Arabic for jasmine flower, and my paternal grandmother's name is Rose. My parents took it as a portent that they should stick their daughters with flower names."

James snorted. "I think you got the better end of that stick."

"Don't tell Petunia that," Lily said, with the ghost of a smile. "Anyway, we were at the playground and Petunia was in a pretty terrible mood, because she'd just been rejected from a boarding school in northern Scotland that she wanted to go to. She stomped off to sulk and I wandered over to a boy on the swing set, looking for a playmate. Turns out he already knew my name – I've actually never asked him how – and we began to play together. After a while Petunia came over and told me we had to go home. But after that, every time I went to the playground, Severus was there. I started to go without Petunia, and Sev and I would play the sorts of games Petunia would never try. We built forts and pretended to be sorcerers. We snuck into the neighbor's yard and stole apples from their tree. We tried to build a raft once, to go across this little river, but we sprung a leak halfway and we both ended up covered in tar because a nearby factory leaked the stuff into the water. When we were 10, Severus said he was going to boarding school. I told him I would come too, but it was only for boys, of course. I was heartbroken to lose my friend, but he convinced me to apply to the boarding school that Petunia had tried to get into. He was always so obsessed with getting out of Cokeworth – that's where we grew up. I did get in, and I got a scholarship too. Petunia was furious – she wouldn't speak to me for two weeks."

"Did you go?" James asked.

"I did. Sev and I wrote to each other all the time." Lily let out a laugh. "I remember when we both got AIM accounts – we were so excited! We talked about school, and the difficulties of being a scholarship student with the rich kids, and about our new friends. Well, I talked about my friends. He didn't mention his very much."

James thought he knew why. Snape had run with a rough crowd; most of them had come from old money and had passed most of their school careers spending that money on alcohol, rousing themselves occasionally to harass anyone who wasn't rich, white, and straight. Sirius' family was of the same ilk, so James was more familiar with the motley crew than he would have preferred.

"Anyway, we were pen pals for years, right up through uni."

"Where did you go?"

"University of Edinburgh. I'm a Scottish girl through and through."

"Have you been working in Edinburgh this past year?"

"Oh, I just graduated. I started uni a year after Sev and you," she added, in response to James' questioning look. "I went home to Cokeworth for a year because my dad died, and I wanted to be with my mum, and to work."

"I'm sorry," James said. She made to wave off his sympathy, but he said, "No, really. My mum died when I was 16. I know how hard it is to lose a parent too early."

"Oh," said Lily. "Well, now I would say I'm sorry, but…" They shared a small, sad smile.

"Yeah," said James. "Sympathy sucks."

There was a moment of silence, then James said, "Hey, want to see a card trick?"

Lily nodded eagerly, scooting over a seat so she was directly across from him. James was just rifling through his rucksack for his card deck when Snape reentered the compartment.

"Well, I see I'm interrupting something," he sneered, looking pointedly at Lily.

"Actually you're just in time," she responded smoothly. "James was about to show me a card trick."

"I'd rather not watch," Snape retorted, sitting in his window seat and looking pointedly out the window.

Lily stared at him disbelievingly for a moment. James wondered if she was asking herself how a grown man could behave so much like a pouty child; he certainly was. Then she shook it off and turned back to James.

The rest of the journey passed similarly. Lily was delighted with James' tricks, and, in return, showed him how her double-jointed elbow could bend unnaturally far in the wrong direction. Then they had a bad joke-off. (Lily won with "What room is a ghost afraid of? The living room!"). Then they swapped stories of pranks pulled at boarding school. (James won that round, for the time he and the boys had swapped the sugar out for salt for a foreign ambassador's tea time visit. They had hidden in the closet to watch the Board of Governors and their visitors choke down their tea, each too embarrassed to say anything. Snape had interjected at this point to say, "How childish.") James had then taken upon himself to give Lily a rundown of his favorite bars in London, because she said she needed a part-time night job to help pay the bills.

James was surprised to notice when the train was pulling into King's Cross Station. Snape was already swinging his rucksack down, obviously eager to be on his way. James caught Lily's arm.

"Hey, listen, do you want to grab a drink sometime? I'm not asking you out," he added, noting her hesitant glance at Snape, whose profile was rigid. "It's just, you're the first person I've met who can bend their elbow joint the wrong way. Can you blame a bloke for wanting to be friends with a person like that?"

She laughed. "Well, all right," but Snape then decided to take matters into his own hands. He grabbed Lily's rucksack and pushed roughly between them.

"Come on Lily, we have to get your luggage off the rack."

She made to turn, but James said, "Hey!" and, in a moment of inspired brilliance he would congratulate himself for afterwards, wrote his phone number onto the card she'd selected from his deck earlier in the journey. "London is a big place; you could use more than one friend."

Lily smiled broadly, and James could tell she understood what he was trying to tell her; he wasn't going to try and interfere in her friendship with Snape.

"Thanks James," she said, with genuine warmth, and she clasped his hand briefly before following Snape off down the corridors.

 _Author's note:_ _Happy to have you reading! I have all 19 chapters of this story already written out by hand, and I'm aiming to type/edit/update one chapter per week. This first chapter's nice and light, but this story will deal with some heavy subject matter. When I feel it is necessary, I will put trigger warnings at the top of the chapter. They may give away some of the upcoming content, so if you feel comfortable skipping them, go right ahead. Please look out for yourselves and put your safety first. If you need to skip a chapter but still want to find out what happened, message me and I'll be more than happy to tell you. Take care! E_


	2. Chapter 2

Severus was quiet on the ride from King's Cross to their new flat. They splurged on a taxi, because of Lily's luggage, and Lily spent the ride with her nose pressed to the window, taking in the sites of that famous city that was her new home. The flat was in Battersea; they were forced to struggle up four flights of stairs with her suitcases, because there was no lift, but when Severus unlocked the front door to let them in, Lily was impressed. It was small, certainly, but not an airless closet or a hole in some cellar. In fact, Lily was stumped as to how Severus had managed to find a place that her somewhat measly salary could cover. She now wondered, privately, whether he wasn't paying more than his half of the rent.

The front door led them straight into the sitting area, and the kitchen was visible through a doorway in the far right corner. The bedrooms flanked the sitting room, and Severus said, "Check them both out. I thought you'd like to pick first."

"Oh, come on Sev, we're not going to flip a coin for it, like when we were little?"

Severus didn't smile, but his eyebrows uncrinkled somewhat.

"You want to?"

"Of course!" said Lily, already rooting around in her sweater pocket for a pound.

"Here," said Severus, producing one and holding it out. "I call tails."

Lily flipped the coin and slapped it on the back of her hand.

"Tails, your choice."

Lily followed Severus into each of the bedrooms in turn. They were both small and similarly proportioned, with steeply sloping ceilings because they were directly under the roof.

"You get this one," Severus said in the second bedroom, off to the left of the sitting room. "It faces south, more sunlight. I know you like light."

"This was supposed to be your choice!" she protested, although her insides felt warm at his gesture. This was the Sev she loved, the one she had been excited to room with.

"That is my choice," he said shortly.

She smiled and couldn't keep herself from giving him a brief hug. "I've missed you," she murmured into his shoulder.

He was stiff and slightly uncomfortable in her arms, but she knew he appreciated the gesture, because he turned away to hide a small smile.

"Are you hungry? There's an Indian place across the street. You like curry, right?"

"Curry. Rosie's. Now." was Sirius' text to James on Thursday after work.

The beginning of James' week had passed fairly uneventfully. He had mentioned running into Snape and meeting Lily to Remus, but neglected to do the same to Sirius, who always got touchy at any mention of their old enemy. He had wondered idly if Lily would call him, but didn't dwell. She had been pretty, sure, and nice, and funny, and she was obviously smart, if she had secured the Phoenix Fellowship. But he lived in London, for Pete's sake, and girls like that were clearly a dime a dozen. This, in fact, was what he was telling himself as he stumped up the steps from the Clapham Common underground. It was the reason why he had decided to go for takeaway with his mates at their favorite haunt rather than accept an invite from a pretty coworker to go check out that new club in Camden Town. There was always another day and another bird.

The bell over the door of the Three Broomsticks tinkled as he pushed it open, and he was greeted by the inviting sight of his favorite pub, and Remus and Sirius, already having secured them a table in the corner, wolfing down takeaway boxes of curry. Sirius was wearing his typical uniform of a leather jacket with his hair pulled back into a ponytail. Remus had removed his jacket and the sleeves of his wrinkled button-up were rolled up. His dark, curly hair was prematurely gray in places.

James snagged a box of food and sprawled down on the bench next to Remus.

"Thank god, I'm famished."

"And parched too, I hope."

Rosmerta, the owner, had just arrived at their table. Her thick black hair, streaked with silver now, was swept up on top of her head. She looked distinctly peeved.

"Ah, I'm always thirsty for you, Rosie," Sirius quipped. Rosmerta ignored him.

"I do hope you're here to order drinks and not just enjoy another establishment's food _in my pub._ " She leaned in closer. "And what's more, you're eating that Anglicized crap you call 'curry.' My mother is rolling in her grave."

"Well, Rose, if you had anything but pickled eggs and crisps, we'd get a meal here," James said.

"Yeah, you know, I could really go for a Cornish pasty right now, could you James? Too bad this place doesn't serve them, eh?"

Now Rosmerta looked thoroughly peeved.

"See if I ever cop you a drink again, Sirius Black," she warned direly.

Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but Remus cut him off sharply. "Three IPAs please, Rosmerta."

"Thank you, Remus," she said, and sent a scathing look Sirius' way before stalking off to the bar.

"You _had_ to mention Cornish pasties, Sirius?" Remus demanded.

"I don't see what the problem is myself," Sirius drawled, scooping up an enormous chunk of curry with his naan and shoving it into his mouth. "Ish been a monf, she sho be oer - " he stopped talking for a moment to swallow hugely. "Him," he finished. "And well on the way to hiring a new fucking cook," he added, before going in for more food.

Caradoc, Rosmerta's previous cook and ex-lover, he of the mouthwatering Cornish pasties, had been bodily thrown from the pub about a month ago by Rosmerta. The lads had mourned the loss of his legendary cooking – and Rosmerta's good mood – ever since.

"I just don't understand why she kicked him out," Sirius whined for the thousandth time, discovering that James had stolen the last piece of naan. "So what they were fighting? People do it all the time, look at my family. And, honestly, how difficult can it be to live with a man whose pies taste like the elixir of the gods in flaky butter form. Maybe we should go find out where he cooks now…"

"Don't let Rosmerta find out."

"Honestly, I'll take the risk if it livens up our diet. You realize we've been eating nothing but curry for the past five nights, and I, for one, am sick of it."

"To be fair, we've eaten five different types of curry," said James. "Anyway, where's Pete?"

Remus looked uncomfortable and Sirius snorted.

"Probably still _working_."

"Have you texted him?"

"Why bother?"

"Why – Sirius, what? I thought we were past this." James looked to Remus for support, but the latter was determinately avoiding meeting James' eyes.

"Remus - "

"Just drop it, James."

James was shocked into silence. Remus never squashed an opportunity to talk about their feelings. He considered going ahead and texting Peter anyway, but decided to hold off until he could better ascertain what was going on. He cast about instead for a change of topic. Rosmerta was up at the bar, crankily slapping porters down for a rowdy crowd of men clad in suits. "Hey, where's Klaudia?"

"I dunno. Why do you care?" Sirius asked.

"I'm just wondering if Rosmerta is hiring again. She hated Klaudia, it was only a matter of time before she fired her."

"Looking for a new job? Comedy writing not really your thing anymore? You'd look great behind the bar."

James ignored him. "Where's Klaudia?" he asked Rosmerta, who had just arrived back at the table with their pint glasses balanced on a tray. James couldn't help but admire the forearm strength it must take. Rosmerta's expression darkened even more.

"Oh, _her._ She went the same way as Mr. Cornish pasty, the useless little - "

"You were sleeping with her too?" Sirius asked.

"Is he still jealous?" she asked Remus, who smirked as Sirius sputtered. She smiled mischievously. "He thinks he's so subtle."

She started on her way back to the bar, stopping to snag some glasses from a nearby table. James made up his mind in a split second, and left this mates to their pints to follow her.

"Rose, if you're looking to hire for a few nights a week, I know this really great girl - "

"Oh, you know a girl, do you? Congratulations, James, you've finally discovered the opposite sex."

He rolled his eyes to cover his discomfort. "It's not like that, she -" he hesitated, wondering how best to frame his relationship with Lily. "She's the flatmate of an old classmate. She's quick-"

"You mean she might be able to tell a stout from a lager in less than three weeks?" Rosmerta asked. "Because that would already make her an improvement on the last one."

James laughed. "I'm pretty sure she could manage that. I think she's just looking for a few nights a week."

"That's fine, that's all I need. But James…" She pretended to hesitate, a smirk playing at the corner of her mouth. "This isn't another Celestina Warbeck, is it?"

"I can't _believe_ you still have the nerve to bring that up!" James exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, but you rave about her, and it's only _after_ she's cleared out the whole pub with her crooning-hip thrust combo that I find out you've never actually seen her perform before, that you met her at some dive bar -"

"Ok, Rosmerta!"

" _And_ that she's about thirty years older than you-"

"It was dark, I couldn't see the wrinkles!"

"And _that_ " Rosmerta finished triumphantly, "is why you should never go to another pub. _I_ would never let one of my regulars be tricked into going off with some sleazy has-been singer with a horrible dress sense."

"I've learned my lesson, oh Great One, I'll never stray again," James said, mock bowing as he walked backwards back to his mates.

"Just keep a leash on Black and I might give this girl a job!" Rosmerta called after him.

"What girl?" Remus asked.

"Nobody," James said, sitting back down with his mates and taking a swig of beer. "So what were you arguing about?"

Advocating for Lily had been a spur of the moment decision, something he hadn't really thought twice about. It wasn't until he was leaving the Three Broomsticks much later that it occurred to him he didn't have any way of contacting her – he had given _her_ his mobile number, but she had not reciprocated.

He mulled this dilemma over for most of the tube ride back to his and Sirius' flat, tuning out Sirius and Remus' conversation. He finally settled on the only solution available to him – he'd have to track her down at work. He knew where the Phoenix Fellowship was based because of his father – he'd even been roped into going to some fundraiser dinner there. It was a little stalkerish, but what choice did he have? He was doing this as a favour to Rosmerta, he told himself firmly. And out of pity for Lily, of course – she did live with a lecherous Severus Snape as a flatmate. It wasn't that he cared so much what happened to a random girl, it was that he recognized that anyone who could put up with that kind of slime and still be nice deserved a helping hand.

Lily Evans was late. She scooted out the door at a twenty to nine on Friday morning, snagging her scarf off a hook and yelling a loud thanks to Severus, who had helpfully left a steaming mug of tea on the shelf next to the front door. She clattered down the apartment stairs, trying not to spill the tea on her blouse, and arrived, slightly breathless, at the bus stop just in time to catch the next bus towards Mayfair.

Once safely on board, her arm wrapped around a metal pole, she sipped at her tea, which had gone lukewarm during her dash. It was things like this, Lily thought, that restored her relationship with Severus. She'd been in London less than a week, and things were already strained between the two old friends. The thing was, in all those years of letter writing, Lily had forgotten what a private person Severus was. On Monday, Lily had gotten home before him. She had wanted to collapse on the sofa, drained from her first day in a new place, but had instead started to make dinner with the groceries she'd purchased the day before. She'd made enough for the two of them, hoping to have a nice evening in.

Severus had arrived home when she'd just put to vegetables in to roast. He'd given as small smile and produced a bottle of wine, "To celebrate your first day." Lily had been touched. She'd poured them both glasses in chipped tea mugs, and they'd sat down on the couch together.

"So…" Severus had prompted. "How was it?"

Lily had told him everything – about her boss, the awe-inspiring Minerva McGonagall ("I swear, she can quell a whole room full of men with just a look"), about the Fellow from the year before, Marlene McKinnon, who had been hired now fulltime ("It's nice to have someone to show me the ropes, who's gone through the same thing so recently"), about the work she would be doing ("It's more of a lobbying group than I thought, but I expect I'll learn a lot about how the government works"). Severus had listened patiently, never taking his eyes off Lily.

When the timer for the vegetables had gone off, Lily had gotten up to pull them out, calling back, "Sev, could you get some plates out?"

He had appeared in the kitchen doorway, with an apologetic and slightly furtive look on his face.

"Sorry, Lily, but I can't stay for dinner."

She had felt her face fall. "But you haven't told me about your day. I don't even know what you do!"

"I'm really sorry Lily, I wouldn't leave you on your first night if I didn't have to. But I've got to, er, pack up the rest of the things at my old flat."

"Why can't it wait until after dinner. I can come help - "

"It just really can't Lily. Don't you worry about it, I've got it."

Lily swallowed a number of childish responses, but she couldn't entirely keep the bitterness out of her voice when she said, "Ok, Sev, I guess I'll see you later."

"I'll be back late, so don't bother waiting up. You…need your sleep."

Lily hadn't said any more after that, and Severus, after a minute of hovering uncertainly in the kitchen door, had turned to go. She'd curled up on the couch then, with her dinner and another cup of wine, trying not to feel homesick.

Severus had stayed home Tuesday night, but after hearing about Lily's day, he'd brushed off Lily's questions about his and suggested they watch a movie. Wednesday and Thursday he'd just come home to drop his work bag off and change before heading out again. Lily confronted him about it on Thursday before he left.

"Why can't you even tell me where you're going?" Lily had demanded, feeling like she was nagging but not particularly caring.

"I'm not – look, Lily, I'm just going to a friend's house."

"And has it ever occurred to you that I'd like to meet some of your friends?"

"You don't," Severus had said quickly. Lily had folded her arms and raised her eyebrows challengingly.

"And why not?"

"I mean, you can meet them. Just not tonight. We're, um, doing bloke stuff. You wouldn't like it."

"Bloke stuff," Lily had repeated, thoroughly unimpressed. "Since when have you been interested in 'bloke stuff'? What does that even mean? A beer fest where you all get off to lesbian porn?"

"Lily!"

"I'm serious, Severus, 'bloke stuff'? You sound like you're in the 1950s!"

"We're just…playing video games and stuff."

He had met Lily's glare unblinkingly, and she finally sighed and broke eye contact.

"Whatever, Sev," she had said, retreating to her room and shutting the door behind her. She had waited for him to leave, then went out to brew herself a cup of tea. She drank this, staring unseeingly out of the small kitchen window.

 _Since when has Sev been like this?_ was her thought. But then, had he ever _not_ been like this? Most of their adolescent and adult friendship had been conducted through letters, emails, texts, facebook messages. Lily had never considered the unique ability that type of communication gave the user to conceal information. Lily had always written to Severus about her day-to-day happenings, describing friends, classes, pranks, crushes. Severus would fill long pages with descriptions of chemistry experiments he was conducting. He would talk about his feelings sometimes, but, with the exception of describing cruel tricks played on him by James Potter and his posse, Severus had never gone into detail about school events, or his friends. It had been easy to overlook at the time; it would never have occurred to Lily that Severus was concealing information, she just assumed he wrote about what was important to him. Now, she had to wonder…what could Severus possibly be involved in that he didn't want her to know about?

She had been able to feel her thoughts spiraling down more and more awful possibilities, and firmly decided she needed a distraction. Half an hour later, she had been sitting in a pub, pint in hand, chatting to the bartender. He'd been very nice (although a bit too old for Lily) and he'd copped her several beers, so that she left later and drunker than she'd planned. Hence, the late start to the day.

Now, sipping on her apology tea (which was made just the way she liked it - lots of milk, no sugar), she resolved that she had to readjust her expectations for her relationship with Severus. Because of their history, she'd assumed that they would be close friends, spend time together. But perhaps that wasn't what Sev was looking for; maybe he just wanted a flatmate. She determinately shoved her hurt aside. She'd ask Marlene if she wanted to get a meal after work next week; if Severus wasn't going to be forthcoming about introducing her to people, she'd have to make her own friends. Her mind flashed briefly to James Potter from the train; she still had his number tucked away in her wallet. _If Severus keeps ignoring me, I'll give him a call,_ Lily thought, somewhat spitefully.

She finished the tea and tucked the mug into her work bag, then pressed off the bus next to a stooped old lady and a suited business man, talking loudly into his mobile. She sped briskly down the sidewalk, jay walked across the street, and made it into her office building at two minutes to nine, feeling triumphant.

"Morning Stan," she called to the lobby boy, breezing by him on the way to the stairs.

"Miss Evans! Wait - "

"I'm almost late, Stan," Lily said, turning around exasperatedly.

It was then that she noticed, leaning casually against Stan's desk, James Potter. He had swapped the ratty sweatshirt he'd worn on the train for a button up, but his hair was as messy as always. How easy to be a man, and not be censured for sporting a just-rolled-out-of-bed look.

"Lily," he grinned, coming forward.

"I - what on earth are you doing here?" she asked, temporarily diverted from the time.

"Good morning to you too. I need a favor. See, a good friend of mine owns a pub, and she's been running through cocktail waiters and waitresses faster than she can keep track of. She's at her wit's end, and really needs a solid employee to work a few nights a week."

Lily gaped.

"Are you offering me a job?"

"Me? No! It's just, I mean, I knew you were looking for one, and I know you're a hard worker – I mean, you got the Phoenix Fellowship – so, for _her_ sake, I hoped you might stop by, drop off a CV…" he trailed off hopefully, and Lily struggled to gather her thoughts.

She _did_ need a second job – she had planned on going job hunting that weekend – and it would save her an awful lot of trouble if she could apply for one where she already had a recommendation. Still, it was very strange that James had thought of her, let alone tracked her down to work after a single meeting on the train, particularly considering she was the flatmate of his old school rival. But then, maybe that was it…

"Does this have anything to do with Severus?" she demanded, with _perhaps_ an unnecessary amount of aggression. James looked genuinely shocked.

"What would it have to do with him?"

"I don't know, some sort of convoluted prank - "

"Ah, come on Lily, I'm a little past that. Look, I'm not going to force you to do anything. I was just passing by here, and I thought I'd stop in, chat with Stan here, see if I could catch you."

Stan, who had been pretending to sweep the floor behind James and obviously eavesdropping, looked up eagerly.

"But if you're not interested - "

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry!"

"No need to apologize," James said smoothly. "It's called the Three Broomsticks. Here's the address." He handed her a piece of yellow legal paper. "Best to take the N137 bus from here. If you're not doing anything after work, drop by today. Ask for Rosmerta and tell her James Potter sent you."

Lily took the paper, still slightly dumbfounded.

"Thank you, James."

"No problem. Now, didn't you say something about being late?"

"Shit!" Lily exclaimed, her watch confirming that it was already 9:05. She shoved the address into her bag on top of the tea mug and dashed up the stairs, turning to wave to James and calling back, "Thanks again!" James just smiled and raised a hand in farewell.


	3. Chapter 3

As Lily didn't have any plans for the night, she sent a text to Severus to tell him she was interviewing for a pub job and took the bus straight to the Three Broomsticks after work. Severus texted her back as she was stepping off the bus. "Let me know where and when, I'll come out for a drink." Lily smiled broadly, sent back an "ok", and stowed it back in her bag.

The Three Broomsticks was down a side street slightly removed from the hubbub of Clapham's main drag. Its sign was made of polished wood, and posters for various shows and events decorated the windows on either side of the door. Inside was larger than Lily had expected, dark paneled, with a large, currently unlit fireplace set into the wall on the left. A pretty woman with silver-streaked black hair was serving drinks to the beginning of the after work crowd. Taking a breath, Lily walked up to her and introduced herself.

"Hi…Rosmerta?"

"That's me."

"My name is Lily Evans. James Potter told me you were hiring."

"Ah, you're James' girl, are you?"

Lily started. "Well, I'm not his _gir -_ "

"Do you have any experience?" Rosmerta interrupted, eyeing Lily's formal work clothes.

"My mum is a bartender, and I started covering shifts for her when I was 15. I also worked in a pub during university," Lily said, as she pulled her CV out of her bag and held it out for Rosmerta.

Rosmerta's eyebrows went up. "Your mum is a bartender and _this_ is your CV?"

Lily suppressed a sigh; she was all too familiar with this reaction. Too many people were surprised when they found out polished, professional Lily Evans came from a working class background.

"She has been for many years."

Rosmerta nodded and didn't say any more. She glanced over Lily's CV, then said, "You've got experience and you come with a recommendation from a regular. Good enough for me. Do you have time to work a shift tonight? A working interview, you know."

Lily nodded eagerly; the sooner she got a job, the better.

"Well, go leave your stuff in the back. There are aprons up by the back door, you might want to cover those nice clothes of yours. Then come back out and we'll get started."

Lily moved past Rosmerta, who was already turning to the crowd coming through the door.

Much later, Lily was balancing trays and taking orders with ease. She hadn't been lying to Rosmerta – she had been doing this since she was 15. That was the summer her mother's brother had died in France. Her mother had desperately wanted to go to the funeral, but her boss had threatened to fire her if she took that much time off. It had been a tough time in the Evans household; her dad was already short on work and Lily's mum couldn't afford to lose that job. That's when Lily had stepped in. She'd seen her mother work enough to understand what needed to be done and she had insisted her mother travel to France for the funeral. Her dad had backed her up, and promised that he or one of his mates would be at the bar for all of Lily's shifts, to ensure nobody bothered her. Lily's mother had finally agreed, and Lily had begun her career as a cocktail waitress and bartender. During university in Edinburgh she had worked her way up to a bartender and manager in a folk music pub. Being on her feet all evening could get tiring, but the hours were ideal for a student, and Lily enjoyed getting to know the regulars.

The door opened, and Lily looked up, automatically scanning for Severus. It wasn't him, though; just a couple of gossiping women coming for an after work drink. She'd taken a moment to send him a text when she'd gone to get an apron and he had responded almost immediately, "Well done, will be by." That had been two hours ago.

The door opened again and in walked James Potter, his huge grin proceeding him.

"You got it!" he exclaimed, striding across the pub to where she was wiping down a recently deserted table.

"Not quite. This is a working interview."

"Well, I'll be sure to put in a good review from a customer."

She opened her mouth to say that he should wait to see what the service was like, but was cut off by James, who grabbed her arm.

"Lily, whatever they say, I'm not actually with them, they just followed me here."

"Wha - "

Just then the door swung open again and three men entered, immediately making their way towards she and James.

"Aha!" one cried dramatically, flinging an arm round James' shoulder. He was good-looking, this one, and obviously not shy. "And so it is revealed, Moony."

"Indeed," said one of the others, raising an eyebrow. "The reason James was so eager to sneak off to the pub _alone._ " The corner of his mouth twitched.

"A girl!"

"I believe she would prefer _woman._ "

Lily snorted. "What can I get you?"

The man with his arm around James' shoulder noticed her apron then.

"Are you the new cocktail waitress?"

"And bartender."

"How do you know James?" His eyes narrowed almost possessively and he flicked his long hair off his face, the better to size her up.

"Lily, Sirius Black. Sirius, Lily Evans. Go grab a table Padfoot, I've got this round," James intervened hastily.

Lily, however, was not distracted. "Sirius Black," she said, her expression hardening.

"The one and only," he responded, straightening up and eyeing her haughtily.

"I knew this wasn't going to go well," James groaned. "Remus, Pete – a little help?"

The taller of the remaining two appeared at Sirius' shoulder.

"Remus Lupin," he said, sticking out his hand for Lily to shake. "And this is…" he turned around, looking for the fourth man. He had shrunk back, and there was a peculiar look on his face. It looked like he was trying to place Lily, as though he knew her. "Peter," Remus finished.

Peter seemed to jolt a little, and he stepped forward hastily to shake Lily's hand, not entirely meeting her eyes. Lily could tell Remus had noticed, but James and Sirius were both watching her, with entirely different expressions on their faces.

"Let's go find a table, shall we?" Remus interceded. Lily was quickly picking up on his position as the peacemaker. Sirius seemed reluctant to move, but then a fifth voice rang out.

"Sirius Black, quit harassing my employees and sit down."

Rosmerta had swept over from the bar, scowling.

"I'm not harassing, I was simply being gentleman and welcoming a new member of your esteemed staff."

"You can welcome her by ordering a pint."

"As you wish, oh Great Provider of the Booze." To Lily he said, "I'll take a lager."

Under Rosmerta's watchful gaze, Sirius, Remus, and Peter went off to find a table, but James hovered near Lily.

"Sorry about that, Rosmerta," Lily said, ignoring him

"Don't worry about it, that lot's a handful. Go take orders from the big table by the door."

The customers trickled in steadily after that, and Lily was kept busy by an unending stream of taking orders, delivering drinks, and cleaning tables. She successfully ejected a drunken man who was singing loudly and trying to grind against everybody at the bar, she broke one glass, and she caught James Potter staring at her a handful of time. Not that she was looking. All the while, she kept an eye out for Severus, but he never appeared. At half ten, Rosmerta called her up to the bar.

"Well, you're the best trained person I've ever interviewed. As you can see, we don't get a rough crowd here and the regulars tip pretty well. I'm just looking for someone three nights a week – Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. I'll be working Fridays and Saturdays, but I'd like to have one night off a week when you're comfortable closing on your own. Basically, the job's yours if you want it."

Lily beamed. "Sounds wonderful. Thank you so much Rosmerta."

Rosmerta gave a small sigh. "Yes, well, I probably needed an employee more than you needed a job. Now, you don't need to work the rest of the shift or help me clean up tonight, I'll train you on closing tomorrow night. Oh, and you get a free drink for each shift you work – beer and wine, that is. Can I get you anything?"

"An IPA, please. And if I could also get a lager, I'll get my money to pay for it."

When Rosmerta's eyebrows raised, Lily felt compelled to explain, "It's for James Potter. For recommending me and all. I feel I owe him one."

She paid for the second beer and made her way over to the table where the lads were still camped, trying to flip their drink coasters from the edge of the table on top of their pint glasses. James smiled when he saw her and slid over to make room for her on the bench.

"So, did you get the job?"

"Yep," said Lily proudly, placing the beer in front of him. "And this is for you – a thank you gift."

"How come I don't get one?" Sirius Black demanded immediately.

"Have you secured me a job recently?" Lily asked.

"No, but he helped train you in how to deal with arseholes," Remus interjected, and James and Lily laughed.

"Hilarious, Remus," Sirius drawled, drumming his fingers on the table.

James ignored him and turned to Lily. "So, Lily! Tell us about your first week at work."

Lily summarized the week and her responsibilities, and did an imitation of her boss, Ms. McGonagall, that had James laughing loudly.

"Sorry, it's just, she's a family friend, and that was spot on," he choked.

Lily asked what the others did, and Peter excused himself to use the loo. Sirius, it transpired, trained seeing eye dogs, which Lily found totally unexpected. Remus worked in a bookshop in Brixton. Since Peter still hadn't returned, Lily asked, "Your jobs are so eclectic. What does Peter do?"

Immediately, the atmosphere at the table shifted. Sirius glared at Lily, James glanced at Sirius, and Remus looked away pointedly. After a moment, during which Lily wished she hadn't asked and desperately tried to come up with something to break the silence, James said, "Actually, he just started a new job at a biotech company. T.M. Riddle."

Lily's eyes widened. "But that's where - " she broke off, catching sight of James' face. He wasn't looking at her, or gesturing for her to be quiet. Instead, he seemed to be bracing himself for a storm.

She hesitated, and in that moment felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up; it was Severus. For a moment she thought, foolishly, that he must have been summoned by the mention of his employer's name.

"Hey Sev," she said, at a loss.

His dark eyes swept the table, coming to rest on Sirius.

"I thought you said you were working, Lily," he muttered, speaking out of the corner of his mouth as though he didn't want the rest of the table to hear. Sirius, however, had looked up and caught Severus' eye. The fury on his face instantly doubled.

"You," he spat, immediately making to rise.

"Sirius," said James and Remus at the same time, in identical steely tones.

Remus grabbed Sirius' sleeve and dragged him back onto the bench. Sirius shook him off, but did not attempt to rise again. He instead adopted a mocking tone as he continued to survey Severus with immoderate distaste.

"Glad to see you're out and about, Snivellus. I thought you never left the chemistry lab. But I suppose you've got to step out once in a while, if only to scare the children."

"What about you then, Black? It must be difficult for you to toe the line, out here where people aren't eager to let you off the hook all the time. It's a shame your family disowned you, you'd be able to buy your way out of any fix; it would feel like Hogwarts again."

In some detached part of her brain, Lily was impressed with the comeback. Severus turned to her.

"Well, Lily, are you coming?"

"Where?" asked Lily. "Aren't you going to sit down for a drink?"

She knew she shouldn't push him, knew she shouldn't play dumb like this, but she was so sick of him taking her for granted, assuming she'd come when he wanted and drop the friends he didn't like. He wouldn't even let her meet his friends or do her the basic courtesy of telling her what he did at work! Severus' jaw twitched. His eyes darted around the table again, this time coming to rest on James, who was sitting close to Lily. James raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, come on Sniv-Snape. Pull up a chair."

Lily let out a huff of annoyance. Sure, she'd wanted to punish Severus for a week of neglect, but that didn't make it acceptable for James to jump in and start taunting him.

"Could I have a word?" she asked Severus, standing up and smoothing out her skirt. He followed her silently to stand near the door. They passed Peter, on his way back to the table. He gave them a rather frightened look, but he didn't seem particularly surprised to see Snape there.

"What are you doing with them?" Severus hissed as soon as Lily turned back to him.

"Talking," said Lily coolly. "You told me you'd be here almost 5 hours ago. I finished my shift and I wanted someone to spend the evening with. It's not as though you've introduced me to any of _your_ friends - "

"You're expected me to believe they just 'happened' to be here? My old tormenters? You know, Lily, for someone who gets all self-righteous about standing up to bullies, you're an awful hypocrite sometimes."

This stung, partially because Lily wasn't sure if it was true or not. She took a deep breath and turned the conversation back onto Severus' wrongs, which she'd been obsessing over for the past week.

"I'm lonely, Severus. And you know what, they're not as bad as you made them out to be. Maybe they grew up! Or maybe you left some things out of your stories – were you really always the innocent bystander?"

Severus opened and closed his mouth several times, apparently looking for his voice. Finally he spat, "I thought we were supposed to be _friends,_ Lily! Friends who trusted each other and stood up for one another. But apparently all it takes is a few winks from James Potter and you're on his hook like any other girl."

Lily was disgusted. "Yeah, I thought we were supposed to be friends too, Severus. Don't bring up James as if he's the cause of it when you're the one who's been out every night this week and can't be bothered to invite me along."

She was done with this stupid argument, and getting angrier wasn't going to help matters at all, especially not in front of her new boss.

"Well talk about this tomorrow. If you're home."

She spun on her heel and strode back to the table to collect her bag. She needed to walk, alone, to cool off.

"See you later," she muttered, throwing down some money to cover her portion of the tab.

"You're leaving with him?" Sirius yelped, shocked. Apparently James had neglected to mention how he and Lily had met, or else glossed over the fact that she was their old rival's flatmate.

"No, Black, I'm going for a walk. Alone," she added, as James made to rise.

"Looks like you lost your date, Snivellus," Sirius called. "Maybe you should wash your hair next time – I hear girls like that."

Snape's face contorted, then smoothed suddenly into a smirk.

"I saw your little brother today, Black. He's really risen up in the world since school, hasn't he. He even has a secretary. Tell me, Pettigrew, which Black to you prefer ordering you around?"

It happened before Lily could process what was going on. Sirius was up and at the door in an instant, and the next second, Severus was reeling back, clutching his nose, which Sirius had just punched.

Lily stepped back in shock, but James and Remus didn't hesitate – James hauled Sirius back roughly while Remus stepped in front of Snape.

"If you so much as _speak_ to my brother," Sirius roared, but James interrupted, "Sirius, shut up!"

Remus stepped forward and said, "Severus, will you let me see your nose? I can call a taxi if it's broken."

"Don't touch me," Severus spat, but before anyone could respond, Rosmerta had arrived.

"What is happening?"

She was clearly incensed as she looked from Snape, who was grasping his nose, to Sirius, still being restrained by James.

"Get him out," she said coldly to James, pointing at the door.

Sirius made to brush roughly past Severus, but James hesitated.

"Lily - " he started, but Rosmerta cut him off, pointing at the door.

"Get. Out."

He left. Rosmerta turned to Severus.

"And you. I thought I had told you and your friends never to set foot in here again."

"But Rosmerta!" Lily immediately protested. "He didn't do anything, Sirius punched _him_."

Rosmerta shot her a look.

"You're seeing part of a long story, Lily. Please show this young man out."

Lily hesitated; jeopardizing her new job to defend her best friend would be worth it – but only if he deserved the defense. Right now she wasn't so sure.

"Come on, Lily," Remus said quietly, tugging on her arm.

Severus sent them a withering glare and marched outside. Lily, Remus, and Peter followed. James and Sirius were still out there, and James was standing between Sirius and Sev, who seemed to be interested in resuming their argument. James shot a look at Remus and Peter, who immediately stepped on either side of Sirius and nudged him towards the street. James turned towards Lily, the look on his face conciliatory. But now that her initial shock at how quickly that had escalated had worn off, she was furious.

"What the hell was that?"

"Lily, I can explain - "

"No one needs your explanation, Potter. Lily's just witnessed what I had to put up with from you lot for seven years."

"Lily, please - "

"Shut up, James. I really don't feel like having this conversation. Thank you for recommending me to Rosmerta, now please never bother me again."

She went to steer Severus away, but James jumped in front of the, fumbling for his wallet.

"Please, just let me give you the money for a taxi. His nose looks broken, you should go to the A&E."

"We don't need your money, rich boy," Severus spat, but Lily eyed him speculatively. She really didn't have the cash for a taxi, and his best mate _had_ just royally fucked up. He held out the wad of bills pleadingly. She took it, and Sev turned away in disgust.

"This doesn't make everything better, you know."

"I know," James agreed immediately. "What happened back there, that was messed up. But Rosmerta's right, Lily, you only saw part of a long story."

"What's the rest?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"Call me tomorrow and I'll explain."

"Fuck you, Potter," Severus hissed.

She had almost forgotten he was hovering at her left shoulder, still clutching his crooked nose. She sighed and turned away.

"Come on Severus, it's Friday night, the lines at the A&E are going to be murder."


	4. Chapter 4

_Trigger warning: mention of sexual assault. PM me if you want to know what happens but don't want to read it._

Lily's new room in the flat she shared with Severus got the afternoon sun and it was a yellow strip of this that woke her the next day, alerting her to the fact that she'd forgotten to close the curtains when she and Sev had returned early that morning. They had gone to bed without speaking to one another – they had not spoken, in fact, for the entire long night waiting in the A&E. She had been frustrated with him for trying to monopolize her friendship, even as he failed to spend any time with her; he had been livid to find her associating with James and his friends. All in all, it had been a dismal end to her first week in London.

Lily stretched and rolled her shoulders, trying to release the tension there, then slipped out of bed and padded to the door. She listened at the keyhole for a moment for signs of life in the sitting room. Nothing. Cautiously, she opened the door, but she needn't have worried. Severus' keys were absent from the hook by the door – he had already gone out. She was unsure whether to feel disappointed or relieved.

Lily crossed the living room into the kitchen, gathering her unruly hair up into a bun as she did so. It was quite warm for September, but she made herself a cup of hot tea anyway, and sipped it while looking out the narrow window at the far end of the kitchen. She felt like expectations she had never consciously acknowledged had been disappointed. While in school, Severus had been a sort of lifeline. Whenever she'd been in a bad mood, she would compose an email to him in her head. His regular responses (he had been a more devoted pen friend than she), his assurances that she was brilliant, compassionate, worth ten of her bullies, had made her feel cherished. She loved her parents, but she lived in a different world than they had ever known. Although she and Severus had gone to different schools, they had shared the experience of scholarship kids, had ridden the waves of adolescence together. Severus knew who she'd been and how she had gotten to this point – had helped her get here.

And now…she felt like an encumbrance. Severus still cherished her, but he wanted her to stay inside a box of the Lily he was comfortable with and agreed with. She recognized that the emotional abuse Sev had grown up with from his father and the neglect from his mother had made him conflict-averse. He hated arguing with her – his disappearance this morning had undoubtedly been an attempt to set aside the previous night and avoid talking about it. He took criticism from her out of proportion – even a small remark could be blown up and seen as evidence of his fears that she was going to abandon him. He had always been obsessive; it was what made him a great chemist and a devoted friend. But after a single week of living with him, Lily already knew they were going to have to deal with both of their insecurities surrounding their friendship, or else they would be stifled by them. The question was – how could she bring it up without inadvertently setting him off?

She could already feel the tension gathering in her shoulders again; the knot in her neck that she associated with stress was manifesting. Firstly, she had to look out for herself. And she needed to get out of this damn flat. She pulled on trainers and hit the streets, pounding out her swirling thoughts with the rhythm of her feet and her elevated heartrate Lily supposed it was tied to the flight-or-fight response, but running always cleared her mind, allowing her to categorize and deal with her problems and see them from a different perspective. She turned towards the park alongside the canal. She loved looking at the canal boats – she'd always cherished a childish dream of living on one someday, although perhaps in a climate with fewer rainy days. She laughed to herself at the thought of proposing to Sev they move onto a boat.

After several kilometres, she turned her thoughts back to the issue at hand. She acknowledged to herself that if she was going to confront Sev about the fight, she needed more information. Rosmerta's reaction had been the most disturbing to her. Lily knew a competent bartender when she saw one, and Rosmerta was more than competent – she wouldn't ban anyone from the pub unless they truly deserved it. Part of Lily considered that perhaps there had been a misunderstanding, that Severus had been caught up in something he hadn't really been responsible for, but the other, bitter, half reminded her - somewhat viciously - that Sev hadn't even offered to introduce her to those friends he disappeared with every night. She wanted to know the truth, more for her own peace of mind than out of any genuine quest for candor.

And then there was James and his friends. She'd been uncertain what to think of Sirius from the get-go; he was witty, handsome, and obviously used to charming his way through life, but he also had an unpredictable undercurrent of energy. The exchange between him and Sev had been nasty and immature, but Lily didn't understand why he had suddenly snapped at Sev's mention of his brother. It had been a disproportionately violet reaction, one which Lily would normally condemn without hesitation. And yet…she understood what it was to have a painful, difficult relationship with a sibling. How it sometimes made you do irrational things.

She turned off the canal path and back onto the main road, navigating her way back towards the flat. She needed to know more. If she was going to confront Sev, she needed to sort out how she felt about James and his friends. Severus wouldn't appreciate this instance of independent investigations, but, honestly, she wasn't sure she could trust Severus' judgement at the moment. With this decision made, she gave her mind a break as she picked up the pace for the last couple kilometres.

James was awakened by his ringtone at two in the afternoon. He grabbed for it, swearing, but managed to catch it before the last ring.

"'Lo"

"Hi. It's Lily Evans."

"L-Lily?" James' mind switched into overdrive in an effort to gain full consciousness and process the events of the night before. He was royally fucked.

"Lily, listen, I am so sorry about last night. Sirius – well, it's complicated, but I _will_ explain if you are willing to give me the chance."

"Go ahead."

James hesitated, wondering if he was pushing his luck.

"C-can I just buy you a coffee or something? I'd rather do this in person."

There was silence on the other end of the line. James held his breath. Then –

"Fine. Meet me – hmm. I actually don't know anywhere. I'm in Battersea."

"Ah, not too far. Let's meet halfway. There's a Caffe Nero on the corner of Lavender Hill and Cedars Rd. Is half an hour ok?"

"Sure," Lily said, and rung off.

James rolled onto his back, letting out a long, slow breath. So then. She wanted to talk. He wouldn't have been surprised if she'd never wanted to lay eyes on him again after the previous night, and he certainly hadn't been expecting a call from her this afternoon. He couldn't deny that this made a small flame of hope leap up his throat.

Lily was – he liked her. She had a dry, sharp wit, and conversation flowed so freely with her. She liked to give off an impression of cool composure, and would raise her eyebrows at him, or purse her lips skeptically. But a few times he'd gotten under her skin in a way that riled her up and, well, he liked that too. And honestly, he'd been _more_ than a little curious about her friendship with Snape since he'd stepped on that train.

Still, explaining the night before was going to be delicate. And it would be even more difficult, he abruptly realized, if he was late. Rolling out of bed, he pulled on jeans and a tshirt and snagged his phone on the way into the kitchen, dialing Remus' number.

"James."

"Remus, hi, great, I need your help," James huffed as he unpeeled a banana and snagged the peanut butter jar. Peter said his breakfast of choice was disgusting; James thought Peter had a lot of nerve saying that, considering he liked cold tinned tomatoes.

"And I need yours. You've got to talk to Sirius."

"Wait, what?"

"You need to James. It can't keep being my job."

"But I thought we'd agreed – I mean, you're the one who's good at…that stuff."

Remus sighed in a way that James had heard him do many times when he was about to say yes to something he really didn't want to do. He backtracked.

"Sorry, Moony, listen, can we talk about this later? I can talk to Sirius, but right now I need your help."

"With…?"

"Lily."

"Ah."

"Yes. She called me this afternoon, if you can actually believe that - "

"I can, actually."

"You can?" James stumbled slightly in the act of pulling on a trainer.

"She likes you James."

"She- what?"

"So don't fuck this up."

"Right, comforting." He grabbed his keys off the hook and hurried out the door. "So what do I tell her?"

"The truth."

"Really? But considering my history with Sniv-er, Snape, won't she just think I'm making it up?"

"I think she has suspicions about Severus that she doesn't want to admit, even to herself. Just don't act accusatory towards Snape. And for God's sake, James, _don't_ call him Snivellus. We're not twelve anymore."

"I- that was Sirius!"

"Right. Well, just remember, any friendship you might develop with Lily has nothing to do with her relationship with Snape. If you keep that in mind and tell the truth – and that includes _your_ role – you'll be fine."

"Really?"

"Really. Now I've got to go, James, I'm at work."

It was only after they'd rung off that James realized he hadn't asked Remus how he was doing. He felt slightly uncomfortable. Did Remus think he was taking him for granted?

He pushed the question out of his mind and checked his watch. 2:29. He skidded around the corner, saw somebody with a mass of dark red hair entering the café, and sped up.

"Lily. Lily!"

She turned as James jogged up to her. She was wearing jeans and an old tshirt with the University of Edinburgh emblem on it.

"Hey!" James said, slightly breathlessly.

"Just in time," she replied blithely.

"I pride myself on my punctuality."

"Mm, clearly. Shall we?"

"Ladies first."

James stepped back and followed Lily in. Once they'd ordered tea – milk for Lily, milk and lots of sugar for James – they took the table by the window.

"I expect this weather feels quite hot to you, coming from Edinburgh," James began to babble, doing as he always did when he was nervous and filling the silence.

"Tell me about what happened last night, James," she replied softly. He sobered up at once.

"Of course. Listen, I know Snape has told you about us for years. And I'm not going to sit here and try to refute everything he ever said. We – Sirius and I, to be specific – were brats. And sometimes we were bullies. I'm not proud of it. But – and I don't know if you'll believe me or not – Snape wasn't blameless either. It was an all-around nasty rivalry that I'm sure gave the professors headaches. You saw a bit of what it was like last night."

"Why did Rosmerta say Severus was banned?" Lily interrupted.

James shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Right. That story is…difficult. For a lot of the people involved."

"Tell me."

"Well. A whole crowd of people from Hogwarts moved to this area after university. Sirius and Remus and Peter and I, but also a group of people Snape associated with. Mulciber and Rosier and Nott and Lestrange. And we all used to come to Rosmerta's bar pretty frequently. She had the best cook in the area then, and the food was pretty cheap. We kind of coexisted more or less without incident - "

Lily snorted.

"Well, all right, there may have been a few scuffles, a few… _altercations_ here and there, but nothing too serious. But one night – it was Remus' birthday, actually, last year – we had invited along a larger crowd than usual. Just some old school friends, out for a drink. And we _maaaay_ have gone a little overboard with the shots. Firewhiskey, you see, it's this great whiskey that only Rosmerta has - "

"Cut to the chase, James."

"Ok, so one of our friends, Mary Macdonald, disappeared for a while, and we assumed she had just gone to the loo to puke or something. But suddenly these two guys burst through the door, dragging Mulciber and shouting that we've got to go back to the alley to help this girl." He gulps and then rushes on, "Apparently when the guys found them Mulciber had his tongue down Mary's throat and his hand…well, anyway, she was almost unconscious, so it definitely wasn't consensual."

Lily looked sick. "Was she - had he – "

"I…don't know what he was planning," said James, hesitantly, in a voice that suggested otherwise. "Luckily, we never had to find out. But we did beat Mulciber, er, rather a lot. In the pub. Then his friends joined in and it…escalated. We paid for all the damages afterwards, though!"

"Was Mary ok?"

"Yes – well, physically anyway. She had to get her stomach pumped. But it was pretty traumatic for her."

"And Mulciber?"

"Nothing." James said bitterly. "The case was settled out of court. Mulciber's family has so much money and influence, it would have just been a media circus. Mary chose not to do that. She's the only one with the right to decide."

Lily nodded. She looked like she didn't trust herself to speak.

"Anyway, after that Rosmerta put a flat ban on Mulciber and everyone who had been at the pub with him. She has no tolerance for that behaviour."

James tried to keep his eyes on his tea pot, but he could almost feel the wheels turning in Lily's head.

"So…Severus was there," she whispered.

"Well…yeah. I don't think he and Mulciber are super close," James hastened to add. "You know, we all knew each other for school, Snape didn't _do_ anything per se, he just got caught up with that crowd."

It wasn't exactly the truth as James saw it, but who was he to project intention onto Snape? He knew it certainly wouldn't win any favors with Lily. Her face was hard to read, but James could tell she was thinking hard about what he had told her. After a moment, apparently more to distract herself than anything, she asked, "So that's why Sirius was so mad at Sev? Because he was there."

James would rather not discuss this, but he supposed it was a pretty important part of the story.

"Well, er, no. That one's more on Sirius. Snape works with his brother, see. And with Peter now, I suppose."

"And Sirius doesn't like that?"

"Sirius – has a really bitter history with his family. They're _really_ radical - anti-immigrant, anti-government, anti-welfare, all around racist, misogynist, classist, unpleasant bigots. And Sirius, for all of his faults, isn't. He really, really isn't, Lily. In school Snape – now I don't want you to get the wrong idea, because I don't know who he's friends with now – but in school he ran with a crowd that included a lot of Sirius' cousins. They're a big, old family, the Blacks. Lots of Lords and Barons and that nonsense. It also included Sirius' brother, Regulus. Sirius and Regulus have a difficult relationship. They were close when they were younger, but when Sirius moved out and was disowned, he cut Regulus off completely. That's how Sirius works – he likes things to be black and white. You're in or out."

"Is that why you were all acting weird about Peter's job?"

"Yeah. We were all really surprised when he told us he was working at T.M. Riddle, but Sirius felt personally betrayed. None of us knew that Peter is Regulus' secretary, though. I think that's what really got to Sirius last night. I _know_ it's not excusable, but - "

"I get it," Lily interrupted.

"What?"

"I… _get_ what it is to have a difficult relationship with a sibling. If someone was rubbing my sister's and my dysfunctional relationship in my face, I would want to lash out too."

There was silence for a moment. James was dying to ask Lily about her sister, but he was not thick enough to believe that would be a good idea. Finally, Lily broke it.

"Why did you come here today?"

James was confused.

"Um, you called me. Remember?"

Lily waved this aside. "Well, obviously, but I didn't mean you had to meet with me right away. You didn't have to leap out of bed – and, yes, I could tell you were half asleep, sorry for waking you, but it was two o'clock in the bloody afternoon! – anyway, you didn't have to jump out of bed to explain this all to some girl you just met. So….why'd you do it? Pride?"

James was taken aback. He felt like he was at an interview for a coveted job and the interviewer had just asked him a real stumper. He hadn't thought about it; he'd just done it.

"Well…erm…I guess I felt badly. Last night was shitty. I would have been really confused, if I was you. Or, maybe I was afraid you weren't confused, that Snape would explain it as us being horrible bullies, and, as much as this may be true sometimes, I wanted you to hear Sirius' side of the story. _My_ side."

He stopped to see if he'd justified himself satisfactorily, but she didn't say anything, so he hurried on.

"I mean, I like you, Lily" – well, that hadn't come out how he'd expected. "I mean, not like _like_ you, you know, we're um, we have a good…rapport." Now he felt like a prize idiot. "I mean, we talk…well. We seem to think similarly, and, and, I like our conversations."

She raised an eyebrow in that way he liked, and he felt his stomach squirming.

He made one last, valiant effort. "I want to be your friend."

To his enormous relief, she finally cracked a small, almost sheepish smile.

"I suppose I also enjoy our…rapport."

"Please don't say that word again," he begged in a strangled voice.

She finally laughed softly. Sweeping her hair back from her face, she bent down to grab her bag.

"Well, I have to go search for a bicycle."

He did not know what made him say it. Maybe he didn't want their conversation to be all serious (and all Sirius), or maybe he just wanted to spend more time with her, but he heard his own voice say, "I could help, if you'd like. There's this great flea market on Saturday afternoons where I got my bike. I could take you there."

She looked him over appraisingly for a minute. He thought she might turn him down, say she'd had enough of his antics and ramblings for one day, but surprisingly she said, "That would be nice."

Finding a suitable bike at a price Lily could afford took the better part of an hour. Afterwards they locked up the bike at the market with a lock Lily had persuaded the seller to throw in for free – James was highly impressed with her bargaining abilities. Then they wandered around the food stalls and bought ice cream. James had been right in his initial assessment – they did have a connection. Their conversation was growing increasingly loud and fast as they approached Lily's bike once more, the stalls of the flea market shuttering behind them.

"No no no!" James was saying. "The worst movie of all time is undoubtedly – oh, god, I've forgotten what it's called. It's one where this couple thinks they're haunted by the ghost of their dead baby, but it turns out the wife had cheated on the husband, so the baby was the _neighbor's_ son - "

"Oh, wait, wait, I've definitely seen this one! Is this the one where the husband finds out the baby's not his, so he drowns the baby?"

"Yes, yes!"

"And then it turns out the neighbor's a vampire - "

"So the baby was a half-vampire and _never died!_ "

Lily cackled with laughter. "Oh my God, I'd forgotten about the film. You know, I think Sev actually liked it?"

"Seriously? No, impossible, even for Snape."

"No, no, I'm pretty sure he did. He likes dark dramas, you know."

James snorted, but refrained from saying what he was thinking. Lily sighed, coming down from her laughter.

"Anyway, speaking of Severus, he and I have to have a _Conversation_ , so I'd best be going. Ride my new bike home."

James wasn't sure what to say to this, but he was not often one for saying nothing, so he asked, "Do you know the way?"

"Google maps, James."

"Right."

She swung her leg over the bike and smiled at him. "Thanks James. I'll see you around."

She turned the bike, but he couldn't help calling after her, "Hey Lily! I…had fun today."

She paused, considering him. "Surprisingly, so did I."

He let out a huff of laughter, and she blushed a little. She started to pedal off, but he stopped her again.

"Are you going to hate me again after you talk to Snape?"

She turned so he could only see her profile, but to her dismay she looked – angry?

"Look Potter," _uh oh_ "I make my own decisions about who I am and am not friends with. Severus doesn't dictate who I spend my time with."

He wasn't sure where that left them, but he resisted saying anything, waiting. Finally, she dismounted her bike with a sigh and turned to face him.

"He is my best friend and his version of what happened _could_ change what I think. But, Sev and I…no, I don't really want to talk about this with you. No offense, but you're not really a neutral party, are you?"

James could not disagree with that. All the same, he felt compelled to say, "Lily, I'm not going to try to get between you and Snape or anything. But if you ever need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask me. You've been here less than a week, after all. Lot to process in a week."

She gave a small laugh.

"Yeah, I didn't expect all this." She made eye contact with him. "But, I also never expected to make a friend so quickly. Win some, lose some."

She gave him a small salute, then mounted her bike once more and cycled away.

 _What happened to Mary is based loosely on a recent case from the U.S. I encourage everyone to read the impact statement made by the victim (_ _sites/da/newsroom/newsreleases/Documents/B-Turner% )_ _. Not only is it an incredibly powerful piece of writing, it's essential to remember the impact that sexual assault can have on people's lives, and how easily victims are dismissed when the offender has race/class/gender privilege._

 _I'm almost done typing up/editing the next chapter, so it should be up very soon! E_


	5. Chapter 5

_Trigger warning: mentions of abusive relationships, sexism, racism, and Islamophobia_

Severus wasn't home when Lily got back Saturday evening. She had another shift that night at the Three Broomsticks, so she washed and changed quickly, then stopped to buy a hand pie at the shop on the corner. To her relief, none of James' friends showed their faces that night – although Lily could only suspect they were waiting for Rosmerta's temper to cool down. For Rosmerta's part, the only allusion she made to the night before was to look Lily up and down when she entered, nod approvingly, and say, "Didn't know if I'd see you back here."

Lily laughed a little, "Ah, it would take more than one broken nose to scare me off."

The night passed quickly in a blur of drinks, and Lily walked home through a silvery curtain of rain. She squelched her way up the stairs to her apartment, hopeful that Severus may have waited up, but upon entering, found the living room dark. Sighing slightly, she stripped off her wet clothes, towel-dried her hair, and collapsed into bed.

Lily slept late again Sunday morning, and by the time she'd stumbled into the kitchen to turn on the kettle, Severus was gone again. She waited a few hours, occupying herself with grocery shopping and a bike ride along the Thames, but by late afternoon, her patience was spent. When a call went through to voicemail, she sent him a text. "We need to talk."

Within a half an hour he was back, clutching a box wrapped in a brown paper bag and wearing a penitent expression. Lily, who'd been lounging on the couch writing emails to her friends in Edinburgh, immediately sat up and closed her laptop.

"So."

"Before you say anything, let me just…" he trailed off, working to unwrap the package in his hand, then held it out to her, looking hopeful.

"Ružica" said Lily, suspiciously.

"I'm sure they're not as good as your mom's, but I thought you might be homesick, and I know they're your favorite."

Lily eyed the peace offering for a moment, before reaching out to carefully select one. Popping it into her mouth whole, she stood up. "I'll make tea."

She did not miss Sev's expression of relief as she walked into the kitchen.

Half an hour later, however, Lily was growing increasingly frustrated as she repeatedly tried to turn the conversation to the fight Friday night while Sev deflected all her attempts. Lily had to admit, it was nice that he was finally asking questions about her job, but his timing was all wrong. Finally, she just out and said, "I met with James Potter yesterday."

Sev froze in the act of reaching for another pastry, his eyes narrowed. "What?" he hissed.

"I wanted to hear his side of the story," Lily continued bravely.

This was not at all how she had intended to go about the conversation – in fact, she hadn't planned on mentioning her talk with James- but if Sev was going to make this difficult, by God she would play dirty. Sure enough, he spluttered in obvious rage.

"I'm sorry, were you not _there_ Friday night? Did you not _see_ Black punch me in the nose – _breaking_ my nose, by the way," he gestured at the white plaster on his face, "for no apparent reason?"

"Well, that was the thing," Lily said coolly. "The reason was not apparent to me. So I wanted to dig a little deeper. Tell me, Sev, how would you expect me to respond if you said something like, oh, I dunno, 'Why didn't I see you at Petunia's engagement party, Lily? Were you unable to make it?'"

"That would – why – what the hell are you on about?"

"Are you friends with Mulciber, Sev?"

He looked apoplectic. "Now, listen to me, Lily, are you really going to listen to P-Potter, some guy you just met, over me, your best friend? Is it because he's handsome?" Severus' voice had taken on an awful mocking tone now. "Or is it the money, Lily, eh? I thought you didn't care about that stuff, but I guess you've changed now, you're just like other girls."

Lily's ears were ringing. She rose slowly from the couch, fighting the urge to scream and throw things. Instead she adopted a low hiss. "I was _trying_ to listen to your side of the story, _Severus_ , but _you_ wouldn't tell it to me. Just like you won't tell me where you work or who your friends are. So you'll forgive me if I have to go get my information from other sources! And you know what?" Her voice was rising now and she could feel tears pricking behind her eyes. "I like James. He admits he has faults, but at least he's fucking honest." She was at the door to her room now, but she turned back. "And don't insult women by giving me the 'You're not like other girls' shit. You're a self-righteous prick." And she slammed her bedroom door.

Getting up for work the next morning was challenging to say the least. She had tossed and turned for hours the night before, half expecting Severus to knock on her door to apologize. The thing that bothered her most was that, even though he was being secretive, condescending, and controlling, she could still feel herself responding to his accusations that she was falling for James Potter's charms.

There had been a time in the not-so-distant past when Lily would have felt proud to be "not like other girls." She had never worn makeup growing up, or taken many pains with her hair or appearance. She had always prized and cultivated her brain, feeling a need to prove that she was smart, tough, capable, unemotional. It had always been Severus' favorite compliment for her. But what did it say about "other girls"? He was always trying to isolate her, Lily realized. He wanted her friendship to be his and his alone, and he would manipulate her to accomplish this. He treated her like she was different, placed her on a pedestal when he felt close to her and lashed out savagely whenever he realized she wasn't behaving in a way he wanted or expected. Like last night. Lily knew in the morning there would be apologies and a sweet gesture of penitence because deep down, he recognized that every time he acted like that, he was driving her away from him.

For years Lily had put up with it, though she recognized the damage it did to her. She only had to close her eyes to picture Sev's father, an imposing man to a pair of eleven-year-olds, screaming at Severus and his mother, calling them worthless, a slut and a bastard child, a burden to him. She knew that, growing up, Sev had not had an example of a healthy family or respectful relationships. She thought maybe she could show these things to him. She'd brought him to her house every summer. She'd explained patiently to him, after each fight, what he'd done to hurt her, and he'd always promise never to do it again. She loved him, that childhood friend, and she was never able to blame him for his faults. Her mother had not been so forgiving. When Lily had told her she was moving to London to room with Sev, her mother had pursed her lips and turned away.

"You know I've never trusted him, Lily," her mother had said, when Lily had pressed her about it.

"He's like my brother, Mum!" Lily had protested.

"A brother who doesn't know how to treat his sister," her mother had muttered.

Lily had bit her tongue to stop herself from saying what she was thinking – that he treated her better than her own blood sister.

But now that she was living with him, a small part of her agreed with her mother. She could intellectualize and rationalize Sev's actions, and diagnose his family problems, but it didn't change the fact that when she was around him she often felt reduced, belittled, like she had to tiptoe to keep from setting him off. Lonely.

These were her thoughts as she arrived, puffy-eyed and tired, outside the headquarters of the Phoenix Foundation. Despite her bad night of sleep the night before, she had awoken before her alarm and arrived at work ten minutes early.

All the same, as soon as she walked through the door, Marlene McKinnon said, "McGonagall wants to see you, Lily."

Lily smiled at her weakly. "Thanks Marlene."

Marlene glanced back up from the briefing she was annotating. "Lily, you look aw – well, tired."

Lily gave a huff of laughter. "You can say it. I look awful."

She dropped her bag by her desk and began rifling through for her notebook. "Flat mate troubles."

"Ah," said Marlene, raising her eyebrows delicately.

Lily hurried to the loo to splash water on her face and pinch her cheeks, then went through to McGonagall's office.

"Ms. Evans," McGonagall greeted her briskly, ever formal. "Do sit down. We have a great deal to get through this morning. I've just been meeting with an MP, Cornelius Fudge. He's an up-and-coming Labour Party darling, House of Lords, old money but he's trying to attract young voters. As is typical for a politician, he's doing so by appearing in the company of relevant demographics as often as possible."

At this she pressed her lips and made a distasteful face that Lily was coming to recognize as a classic McGonagall expression. Lily suppressed a smile. This was what she appreciated and admired about her boss. Many viewed McGonagall as a diplomat, but Lily could see that beneath her unruffled exteriour, she was a firebrand. She knew that rising up to a position of authority as a black woman and the daughter of Jamaican immigrants required strength of character. _Beyond anything that Cornelius Fudge would know about_ , she thought grimly. Lily looked up as McGonagall opened the top drawer of her meticulously ordered desk and drew out a policy briefing.

" _This_ ," she gestured at the packet, "is Mr. Fudge's first attempt at any sort of serious legislation and he's very nervous about it. To his credit, he came to me for help with the wording – well, I should say, he came to Mr. Dumbledore for help, who then passed it on to me. It is intended to smooth the steps for obtaining temporary visas for citizens of a select list of countries. It doesn't offer immigrants any new protections once they're in the UK, or make it easier to obtain permanent visas. But it's a good first step. Fudge is introducing it to the Parliament this week, then he's hosting a fundraising gala on Thursday evening. He wants a young person from an immigrant background to make a speech about the potential impact of his legislation. Of course, I'm giving it to Marlene, since she's been here for a year now, but I want you to be involved – tracking the bill and the like. You'll also accompany Marlene to the gala."

Lily's heart leapt; she hadn't imagined she would have such an opportunity on her second week on the job. She didn't begrudge Marlene the speech at all; Marlene had held the Fellowship position last year, but had been hired to continue on part time at the end. Although she was only being paid for 20 hours a week and had a second job, Marlene was at the office nearly as much as Lily was; she was one of the hardest working people Lily knew.

On the way out of McGonagall's office, Lily stopped by Marlene's desk. "Congratulations."

Marlene looked up, and beamed when she saw Lily.

"Thanks! You're coming with me, right?"

"I wouldn't miss it for anything."

"Good. You're also invited in advance to the victory party when I become an MP."

Lily laughed. "Better get to work on that speech, then."

Marlene tucked a stray lock of hair back under her head scarf, turning back to her work. "Damn straight. That's why I like you, Lily."

The day passed quickly after that. Lily drank a lot of coffee, but was productive nonetheless. It was nearing five o'clock when Lily looked up to see McGonagall approaching her desk.

"Ms. Evans, may I see you for a moment?"

"Of course," Lily said, placing down her pen and following the older woman past Marlene's now empty desk.

"Take a seat," said McGonagall, as she closed the door behind Lily.

Lily became aware as she did so that something was wrong with McGonagall's tone. The older woman looked as composed as ever, but her jaw was clenched.

"Ms. Evans, Fudge has asked that you give the speech on Thursday in Ms. McKinnon's place."

Lily's eyes widened. "E-excuse me?"

"Mr. Fudge seems to feel that his message of tolerance and diversity will come across better if it is delivered by someone who looks, in his words, 'More English.'"

Lily blinked. "More English."

She understood, of course. Lily's father's genes had won out, and with her dark red hair and freckle-prone skin, Lily passed as full-blooded Scottish without a problem. But when her mother had come to pick her up from school, or to attend choral concerts or Lily's football matches, the other kids had found out she was the daughter of a foreigner with an accent, a rarity in rural Scotland, and they had never treated her the same after that.

When she had told Marlene they were from similar backgrounds – half British, half "other" – Marlene had laughed. "Yeah, but I don't know if it counts for you. You don't get held back at the airport."

It was true. Neither Lily nor her mother was a practicing Muslim, she did not wear a hijab, passed, in all sense, as a "normal" British girl – white, Protestant, English-speaking. Nobody would believe it if she told them that she had spent her evenings in elementary school helping her mother study for her English courses – her mother, who already spoke three languages when she moved to Scotland. Or that, as the daughter of a construction worker and a bartender, she wasn't the first in her family to go to university. That had been her mother – she had been working on a degree in medicine before she had to flee Bosnia. She didn't fit these pre-conceived notions about what the daughter of a Muslim immigrant should be, but she also wasn't English enough. Her heart ached for herself, but it also ached for Marlene, who did get stopped at airports because her Somalian mother had given her dark skin and she had chosen to wear a headscarf. Who was being shoved out of sight, asked not to speak to the MPs despite all of her hard work and qualifications because the sight of her might scare people away from Fudge's stupid bill.

Surfacing from her thoughts, Lily became aware of McGonagall eyeing her hawkishly. She was suddenly afraid that McGonagall would blame _her_ for this happening; McGonagall would, of course, sympathize with Marlene, and she should. Lily felt guilt flood the pit of her stomach.

"I don't want it," Lily heard herself saying.

"Excuse me?"

"I-I don't want it. Marlene deserves it."

"I'm afraid that's not your choice to make."

"What if I refuse to do it? In protest."

"Then Fudge won't propose a bill that could make life easier for thousands of people."

There was a heavy moment. Then McGonagall relented.

"Ms. Evans, I appreciate the situation that you're in. I also appreciate that this probably isn't the first time you've been separated out as an example." _You're not like other girls._ "But, unfortunately, I must ask you to rise above it. If you are the example they would like to see, it is a job you must carry out. And I have complete confidence that you can do it with grace."

She paused, but Lily couldn't bring herself to meet McGonagall's eyes. The older woman sighed.

"I will be speaking with Ms. McKinnon tomorrow morning. I suggest you begin preparing your speech."

It was a long night, but Lily accomplished very little. She did not see Severus. The next morning was even worse. When she arrived, Marlene was there already, but there was no cheerful greeting. Marlene spared her one disdainful look, then avoided her eyes for the rest of the day. By five o'clock, Lily felt ill. Tension and guilt had formed a knot in her stomach, and she couldn't bear the thought of returning to her empty flat. She considered staying late to complete her as-yet-unfinished speech, but she had a feeling she wouldn't get much done. She hesitated, but she could already feel her hand drifting towards her bag. Feeling unaccountably nervous, she took her phone out and sent a text to James Potter.

"What are you up to tonight?"

The response came almost immediately. "Sherlock marathon. Just found out Pete's never seen it. Utterly disgraced." Then, "Please come."

She almost smiled. "I'll bring takeaway."

An hour later, Lily was arriving at the front steps of James and Sirius' brownstone. Severus' words about James being a rich politicians' son came rushing back to him as she rang. A voice came over the intercom, deep and ominous-sounding.

"What would you like, my pretty?"

A second later there was a scuffling sound and Lily heard a muffled, "Sirius, geroff."

A bang, and James' voice came on, slightly breathless.

"Sorry about that Lily, just Sirius, you know how it is, can't take him anywhere."

"Well, tell him I brought the food, so if he wants to eat, he'd better behave."

"Ah, you know his weaknesses. You learn so fast." He buzzed her up.

The inside of the flat did not disappoint – it was spacious and sunny. The furnishings, however, were a mishmash, with rather more of an eye towards comfort than tasteful decorating. This was all fine with Lily. James met her at the door and immediately relieved her of the takeaway bags, beaming.

"I'm so glad you could come, thank you for bringing food, oh, no, just leave your shoes there, ignore Sirius, he's being an idiot – nothing unusual there, do you want to come through to the kitchen, we have beer – do you drink beer? Oh, what am I saying, you work in a pub, of _course_ you drink beer!"

"James, _breathe._ " She laid a hand on his arm.

"He's just so happy to see someone other than the three of us." Remus Lupin had appeared at the door into the kitchen, leaning against the wide door jamb and smiling. Peter appeared then out of the kitchen to stand next to Remus. He was holding two opened beers, one of which he offered to Lily.

"Ah! The offending party has made an appearance!" Sirius shouted dramatically, bounding into the sitting room and pointing an accusatory finger at Peter. "And is now attempting to bribe our judge with _liquor_!"

"Your…judge?"

"We've been having a vote, and we need a tiebreaker. Sirius and I say it's utterly disgraceful that Pete hasn't seen _one single episode_ of Sherlock, while Remus and Peter say it's 'fine,'" he made mocking air quotes on either side of the word.

"Wait, Peter's allowed to vote for himself?"

"Old Marauder rule."

"Marauder?"

"She doesn't even know what a Marauder is and we allow her over to eat our _food_?!"

"Um, excuse me Sirius, I brought the food. And I don't think you're getting any now."

"Oooh, would you like some ice for that burn?"

"James, nobody has actually said that since third year."

"I have. I just did."

Peter ducked under gesticulating arms to reach the takeaway, perched precariously on the edge of the couch, and slipped back into the kitchen with it. Lily followed.

"Remind me why I'm here again?" she asked him, but with a playful smile so that he would know she was joking.

Peter gave a nervous laugh and seemed to will himself to relax.

"Honestly, I have no idea."

There was a pause as Lily scrambled for something to say. Peter wasn't looking at her. She thought about asking how work was going, but decided it would be a bad idea. She wondered if he was nervous around her because she was Severus' flatmate.

"So you haven't run away yet."

Both Lily and Peter turned in relief; Remus had entered the kitchen.

"I was trying to hide, actually, but none of the cabinets would fit me."

"A nice, normal girl like you. Get out while you still can."

"I feel like I got a little too close to a black hole out of curiosity, and now it's too late and it's sucking me in."

"Soon it will break apart your atoms and spit you back out as a beam of light…or something," Peter piped in bravely. Lily started to laugh, mostly out of surprise.

"Black holes can't convert matter into light, Wormtail."

Sirius had entered the kitchen, and Lily noticed Peter shrink back almost imperceptibly. Sirius opened a cabinet and took down plates.

"Well, are you all going to stand there gawking, or are we going to eat?"

Three hours later, they were well fed, slightly drunk, and only two episodes in.

"Why the hell do these have to be so _loooong_?" Peter moaned, scrolling through the episode list. He had become considerably more vociferous the more he had to drink. "We're never going to finish them all tonight."

"Should've thought of that before you decided to _not_ have ever seen them," Sirius responded airily. He was sprawled on the red sofa directly across from the telly with his legs in James' lap.

"I didn't _choose_ not to see them – I just never did!" Peter whined. He was sprawled out on the rug in front of the telly, surrounded by their debris of empty bottles.

Lily was curled up in an armchair to the left of James.

"Maybe we should extend it to a weeklong marathon?" Remus suggested, quite sensibly. He was sitting in the armchair opposite Lily with an afghan wrapped around his legs.

Sirius pouted, but the other three agreed, stretching and disentangling their limbs. James dumped Sirius unceremoniously off the couch. Lily began collecting bottles, and as she did so, came across a book that had been kicked half under the couch. She fished it out, then gave a happy, "Oh!", holding it up.

"Who's reading this?"

"Guilty," said Remus, smiling.

"Isabel Allende is one of my favorite authors! And I love this one!"

"It's my first time reading her."

"Moony works in a bookstore," James interjected, ruffling Remus' hair affectionately.

"Oh, where? I'd love to come visit you when you're working a shift."

"Over in Clapham. I'll be in Saturday afternoon if you want to stop by. I could probably even wrangle an employee discount for you, if you demonstrate to Mr. Patil that you're a respectful customer. This lot," he gestured to the other three boys, "got themselves thrown out."

They all burst into a volley of protests. Lily just laughed, and headed into the kitchen with some plates. James quickly followed.

"Oh, no, you're a guest, you don't have - "

"James, do me a favour and dry. I don't know where the dishes go."

James hovered uncertainly for a moment, then gave in and grabbed a dishcloth.

"So, how's everything at the Phoenix Foundation?"

Lily's stresses about work, temporarily abated, came rushing back to her. She sighed.

"Not great, actually. I-I have to give a speech this week, at an MP fundraising gala."

"What?! When? How is that not great – that's an incredible opportunity, Lily!"

"I know, I know, and I'm grateful to have it. It's just, there was some…drama at work around who gets to go. The Phoenix Fellowship woman from last year's not happy with me, and it's too bad, because I like her."

"Marlene?"

"How do you know her?"

"She's, erm, let's see. Our dads are second cousins. Her mom's…Ethiopian?"

"Somalian. Cornelius Fudge – he's an MP – he's introducing a new bill this week to make the temporary visa application easier, and he wants a young person from an immigrant background to give a speech at his fundraiser. At first it was going to be Marlene, because she's been at the Phoenix for over a year, but Fudge said he wants someone a little more 'English' looking. So it fell to the ginger."

James let out a soft hiss through his teeth.

"Jesus. I can see why that's an awkward situation for you. Where…if I may ask…?"

"My Mom's Bosniak. Dad's Scottish."

James nodded. "So, are you ready for it? When is this speech anyway?"

"Thursday evening, and nope, I'm not ready at all. But McGonagall's expecting me to have _something_ by tomorrow, so I've got to work on it tonight."

"What are you going to talk about?"

"My family's story, I guess. They don't want anything political – just something feel-good to convince everyone Fudge is really great."

"Do you want – I mean, if you would like someone to look over it before you give it to McGonagall. Not saying you can't do it by yourself, but it's just that I know how tough she can be, and, I work in writing anyway…" he trailed off uncertainly.

She dried her hands and gave his arm a squeeze. "Thanks James. I wish I had that luxury of time, but I'm probably going to be skidding into her office with a first draft tomorrow anyway. She knows it was a last minute request, I'm sure she'll understand."

"And it's Thursday night?"

"Yes. Hopefully they'll be liberal with the drinks, so nobody will remember what I said."

"You'll do magnificently, Lily. More like they'll all want to buy you drinks afterwards."

He smiled encouragingly at her. Lily tried hard to smile back.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey, I'm so sorry for the long hiatus! And sorry for the glitch the first time this was posted! My life's been crazy – new job, new apartment, my friend's wedding (!). Basically fun stuff, but not conducive to writing. This chapter is shorter than normal, but I wanted to provide some sort of update. Thanks for your patience! - E_

"Remind me what we're doing again?" Sirius asked, drumming his fingers against his jean clad knee.

James, who was occupied with trying to pull the raw onion out of his sandwich, said distractedly "Going to see my dad."

"Why are we going to see your dad?"

"Because I need to talk to him."

"Right." The finger drumming resumed. "And…why am I coming?"

"Because you love my dad."

"Ah. So, I take it you need to ask a favour and you thought it would be safest if you brought along his favourite son, to soften him up a bit?"

James looked up from his onion occupation. "Er. Well, yes, pretty much."

"So where's my sandwich?"

"Er…"

"I think, since I'm being so grossly used, I at least deserve to know what favour we're requesting of dear old Fleamont."

James took a bite of his sandwich and winced when he hit an onion. "We need a party invite."

"Excellent." Sirius took his phone out and began scrolling through Facebook.

"Aren't you going to ask who's throwing the party?"

"Eh. Not necessary. If it's one of the ten people in this world that I cherish, it'll be great. If it's one of the rest of the teething mass of peons, there will probably be free booze."

"What if it's run by whales?"

"Well, that would be fin-tastic." A pause. "Whales don't have fins, do they."

James considered. "You know, my first instinct is to say no, but I actually don't know."

"Right. Moving on. I have a theory. You know Bathilda Bagshot, at my office?"

"The crotchety secretary?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure she's a vampire."

James was distracted by the mustard that had just dribbled down his front. "What? Fuck, I love this shirt."

"I tried to put up a mirror. She took it down."

James was momentarily diverted from the stain. "Is _that_ where my bathroom mirror went?!"

"It was hideous, James. You got it from Ikea for ten pounds. I was redecorating. Moving on! She also regularly tells me I smell like garlic, and not in a nice, Italian way."

"Well, to be fair, you do smell like garlic after you eat pasta."

"And the final piece of evidence – she never goes out in sunlight."

"Because she'll melt?"

"Because she'll _sparkle_ , James!"

James glanced up, gave his head a little shake, then went back to scrubbing at his shirtfront with a grubby napkin. A moment later, he looked up. "Wait. If she's the sparkly type of vampire, wouldn't she also have to be incredibly beautiful and forever young?"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"You call her a cantankerous old bat at least 5 times a week!"

"Wait, have you read - "

"No, you idiot, you made me watch all the movies, remember? All _five_ of them!"

"Well, you agreed, didn't you? I didn't hold a knife to your throat."

"That's because you said we could make a drinking game out of them."

"And we did."

"I think I got alcohol poisoning."

"Oh look, we're here!"

Sirius bounded off the bus, and James followed, dumping the onions unceremoniously in a wastebasket outside the bus. The pair mounted the steps of the office building, greeted the foyer guard with practiced ease, and forewent the elevator in favour of the stairs.

James' father's office was on the third floor. When Snape had said he was a rich politician's son, he'd only been 50% right. James' family _was_ wealthy, but he father wasn't a politician – he was a policy specialist and advisor. His specialties were criminal and immigrant law. Both had motivated him to get involved in Albus Dumbledore's immigrant rights organization, the Phoenix Foundation; his subsequent high respect for Dumbledore's work had led the family to establish the Phoenix Fellowship, which Lily was the current beneficiary of.

Outside the office they played a quick game of rock-paper-scissors; James lost, and he checked Sirius with his shoulder as he went past him to brave the conversation of his father's very dapper and overly amicable secretary, Dedalus. He was greeted enthusiastically.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Potter – the younger, I should say! And how are things over at the Quibbler? Still making those crooks in Parliament quake in their boots with the vicious stroke of your quill?"

"Um, I don't write with a quill, Dedalus."

"But of course you don't, of course you don't. It's all tap tapping of the keyboard nowadays, isn't it, m'boy!"

Talking with Dedalus always made James feel as though he'd been transported back in time, or else across time to some alternate dimension. Despite his apparent inability to remember modern writing apparatuses, James supposed his father wouldn't keep the man if he was completely inept. He decided to steer the conversation onto more solid ground.

"So, Dedalus, any chance I can poke my head in on my old man, force him to take a break for the lunch hour?"

"'Fraid not James, he's been in there with Mr. Malfoy for the past, ah, hour and a half."

"Lucius Malfoy?" James interjected sharply.

"The very same. I wish I could tell you what they're discussing, but unfortunately I was not privy to that information. Although I do know a bill your father helped craft is going to be introduced on the floor tomorrow – perhaps Mr. Malfoy hoped your dad will make some last minute amendments."

"Or maybe Dad's hoping he can garner Malfoy's support if he tweaks it," James muttered, more to himself than to Dedalus.

"Do you know how much longer they might - " he was cut off by the office door opening to his right.

Malfoy strode out. His silver eyes, their steely glint accentuated by the sharply tailored grey suit he was wearing, flickered over James.

"Master Potter, I presume? Yes, I believe we've met. You greatly resemble your father."

James wasn't sure whether he was meant to take that as a compliment. He was fishing for how to respond when his father appeared at Mr. Malfoy's elbow, looking bemused and slightly harassed.

"James?"

"Dad, sorry to interrupt. I just needed to talk to you for a few minutes."

"Of course, if you'll just give me a moment…"

"No need, Fleamont, I have several other meetings to attend to in the area, and I believe I've stated my position quite clearly."

James studied his father's face in an attempt to discern how this position may have been received, but it was unreadable.

"Very well." He shook Mr. Malfoy's hand briefly before ushering James into his office.

"Wait," James moved to the door quickly, cutting Malfoy off, and stuck his head out.

"Sirius, come on."

Sirius, who had been lounging against the wall, followed James in to the office, glancing with Malfoy in mingled surprise and disgust as they passed him. When he got to James' father, however, he was all smiles, wringing his hand enthusiastically.

"Mr Potter, always a pleasure."

"Sirius, what a surprise! It's been dull around here without you."

"You do know he calls you Fleamont behind your back," James cut in.

"Jealousy doesn't suit you, Prongs. It clashes with your complexion."

Mr. Potter chuckled, rumpling his hair in a characteristic gesture that James had adopted. He had been as tall as his son in his prime, but age had shrunken Fleamont Potter somewhat. His mop of hair matched James', but for the color – Fleamont's ink black hair had acquired generous streaks of silver in the years since James' mother had died. His purple button up and tie were slightly rumpled. His undisguised pleasure at seeing his two sons made his seem younger, however, as he turned to face James.

"What did Malfoy want, Dad?" said James, cutting straight to the chase.

The older man waved his hand airily. "Ah, the same thing he always wants. His requests come in different guises, but ultimately they're down to gaining power and prestige for his family and the people they associate with. Sit down, James, Sirius. You must want something. It's been quite a while since you graced me with your company for a lunch break, and if you brought Sirius along…"

"He sees right through you mate."

James grinned unabashedly, and they both sat.

"We need invitations to an upcoming event."

"Well this is a surprise."

"You know Cornelius Fudge, right? The MP?"

"Wait, we're crashing some boring politician's party?" Sirius interjected, looking outraged.

"I came to my _dad_ for help, Sirius. Whose party did you think we were going to crash?"

"I dunno! Your dad is a very…lively fellow."

"Though I am no spring chicken," Mr. Potter acknowledged.

"You're still welcome to roost in my nest, Mr. Potter."

"Thank you Sirius, very kind, I'm sure."

"Can we focus here!?"

"Yes, Jamie has a girl to impress."

"I – what – how did- no! That's not what this is – what?"

Sirius snorted. "Come on. You think I didn't notice?" His voice had an edge to it.

"Jealousy doesn't suit you, Sirius," James' father said quietly.

Sirius gave a bark of laughter. "Pining doesn't suit James."

"Can we stop talking about suits, unless it is in the context of 'which suit will I wear to Fudge's fundraiser tomorrow night?'"

"Why the sudden sinister desire to attend galas, James?"

"Listen, Dad. I made a new friend. Yay, friendship. So great. So _pure_. And she's speaking tomorrow night at the fundraiser. This is a really amazing opportunity for her, but she's really nervous. So I want to be there to, you know, support her. Be a good _friend_."

"What do you need more friends for? You've got loads."

"Sirius, seriously - "

"Enough, both of you. Sirius, check your reactions for a minute. James, why don't you start from the beginning?"

"Well, I met her on the train back from Edinburgh - "

"And he's been obsessed ever since. He actually found her a _job - "_

"I did not find her a job! She's the Phoenix Fellowship recipient this year - "

"Really?" Fleamont looked interested. "Remind me of her name? It's a flower - "

"Lily. Lily Evans."

"Yes, I've been meaning to pop over there to introduce myself."

"You should. She's…she's really great. And she won't have anyone there to cheer her on tomorrow unless I can make it out."

"Well, it seems to be a noble cause. What do you think, Sirius?"

Sirius, who had been _almost_ pouting in the next seat over, rolled his eyes.

"I think James has a crush, is what I think."

"Well, obviously."

James blanched.

"But if there's free booze and you can get me a ticket, I guess I'll go. But only if they serve food too."

"Such a mercenary. All right, boys, I'll make a few calls. Fudge's receptionist likes me. A word to the wise, boys, always be polite to the receptionist. Not only is good manners, but receptionists secretly control the puppet strings of most operations."

"Duly noted, Mr. Potter."

"I'm eternally indebted to you, Dad."

"Well, I should imagine so. I did expend an awful lot of energy to raise you, you know."

Lily was in a state. It was the night of her speech – nay, she had 20 minutes before she had to _leave_ , for Pete's sake – and she could not find her damn heels anywhere.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" she muttered to herself, as she threw every single one of her shoes out of her closet and over her shoulder. Nothing.

The front door slammed. She leapt to her feet and tore out into the hallway.

"Have you seen my heels?" she demanded.

Severus, who had been in the process of taking off his coat, froze and glanced around in shock. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Lily realized that they had not actually spoken since their big fight. Pushing the thought away, she moved forward and continued, "My heels, my high heeled shoes, black, rather tall, have you seen them?!"

"Er…Have you checked your closet?"

Lily's eyes practically rolled to the back of her head.

"Yes I've checked my flipping closet, do I look stupid? They aren't _anywhere_ , I can't _find_ them!"

"Well, why don't you wear a different pair?"

"Because I don't _have_ a different pair, and my other shoes don't match, and if I wear them everybody will look at me and say, 'this Lily is awfully unprofessional, it's like she doesn't even care,' and they'll hate me and my speech and I'll get booed out of the room and they'll probably throw tomatoes and - "

"Ok, I don't know what's going on, but I assure you, nobody will throw tomatoes."

"Yes they will!"

Severus looked alarmed.

"Why don't you," he steered her towards the couch, "just sit here for a moment, and I-I'll go look for your…heels."

He looked at her cautiously, as if waiting for her to explode again. She sank onto the couch with a sigh of exhausted defeat.

"Oh, what's it matter. I'm going to fail anyway."

"Well now, that's not the Lily I know," Sev said, trying to sound like a more robust version of himself, and obviously fishing about for words. When he couldn't come up with anything else, he retreated slowly towards her room.

"Is it ok if I go in here and, um, look?"

She nodded, her eyes closed now and her fingers on her temples, internally reviewing the speech. There were some shuffling noises from the bedroom that Lily barely registered, wrapped up in her internal review. Then –

"Are these the ones?"

She opened her eyes. Severus had emerged from her room cautiously holding out a pair of black pumps. She squealed. Sev looked alarmed.

"Where did you find them?"

"Next to the dresser."

"Thank you Sev, thank you thank you thank you!"

She would have thrown her arms around him, but she still had enough composure to recognize that he would not respond well to this invasion of his personal space. She settled for beaming at him as she took the shoes back and pulled them on. She was so wrapped up in running over her mental list of everything she needed that she didn't notice the way his eyes traveled down her figure.

"Purse, check; speech cheat sheet, check - "

"I've never seen you wear heels before."

"That's because they're a torture apparatus invented by the devil to hold woman back. Now where's my lipstick."

She clunked into her room, gave up quickly on her search, deciding she could do without, and clunked back into the hall to grab her coat. Severus was still standing there.

"So…you're making a speech?"

"At a politician's gala."

"Oh? Ah, wow."

"Yeah."

They looked at each other for a moment. Lily took a breath.

"Sev. I still haven't forgiven you for that stuff you said. But that doesn't mean I don't want to talk about it. Can you promise we'll talk?"

"Y-yeah. Of course. Any time you're free."

Lily gave a short laugh.

"I'm here almost every night. It's up to you to clear your schedule."

"Right. Well. Good luck, Lily."

And he shocked her by moving closer and tentatively kissing her on the cheek.

"I'm sure you'll be perfect."


	7. Chapter 7

The next evening James and Sirius were on the Tube, this time in varying states of formal wear. For James this meant a (mostly) pressed pair of trousers, a light blue dress shirt, and a grey bow tie, which he said made him look debonair and Sirius said made him look like an elderly man. James thought this was rich coming from someone who thought a wrinkled, untucked black button up over jeans constituted formal wear.

"You're going to make me look like a fool," he'd argued when Sirius had emerged from his bedroom, 10 minutes late and still rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Since when do you care what a bunch of old farts think about you?" Sirius had responded with a smirk, knowing that James couldn't make a retort without acknowledging that it wasn't the old farts he cared about.

The truth of the matter was he was nervous about what Lily might think of him turning up like this. Would she think he was crossing some invisible line by crashing one of her work events? Would she be pissed that he'd brought Sirius, with whom she didn't have the best track record? He forced himself to stop dwelling on these thoughts; the wheels were already in motion, he'd have to follow through. Besides, he had a bone to pick with Sirius, and this was the perfect opportunity – when he couldn't run away.

"Padfoot?"

"Mhm," Sirius said, intent on removing his phone case to wipe out some water that had trickled inside.

"What's going on with you and Pete?"

Sirius glanced up long enough to convey his disdain for the topic, then went back to his phone extraction.

"Come on, mate. You told Moony and I you'd made up, but you've been…weird, lately."

"I'm not the one you should be talking to. Peter - "

"All he did was take a job - "

"Don't give me that."

"Well, it's true."

"All he did. _All he did._ I guess I shouldn't be surprised you're not taking my side on this."

"Taking your - "

"Come on James, if he'd done this a few years ago, you'd've considered it base treachery. Now you care more about chasing some girl you just met than trying to keep the Marauders from falling apart."

James took a deep breath. Sirius had always had a bent towards dramatics, he reminded himself. Losing his temper would get them nowhere, especially since they had almost reached their stop, and he wanted Sirius to stay with him."

" _We_ still live together. Moony stops by three times a week. So we've had some issues with Peter lately – nothing's 'falling apart.'"

Sirius shook his head. "Open your eyes, James. Remus is off with his support group friends more often than not. Peter's…wherever Peter goes. And you…never mind." He stood up. "This is our stop."

James leapt up to follow him. "What do you mean, never mind? What about me?"

"Forget it. We're here for Evans, right? Let's go."

He strode on, his head bent against the light drizzle, staying several paces ahead of James until they reached the venue. James hated it when he did this. Normal Sirius was annoying, angry Sirius was difficult to manage, but moody Sirius was the worst.

The party was located in the reception hall of a ritzy hotel; James and Sirius were clearly out of place in both dress and age, but they'd both been to enough smarmy parties to shake off discomfort quickly. Sirius snagged them several wine glasses from a roving waiter by the door and they set off into the crowd. They had been running late, and most of the arrivals were already divesting themselves of coats and taking a seat, facing expectantly towards the front of the room and a single podium. James estimated 75 – 100 people; not overwhelming, but still frightening if you weren't accustomed to public speaking. Sirius was determinately not looking around, but a quick scan of the room hadn't revealed any stray Black family members or assorted hangers-on. All the same, James steered them towards a pair of seats closest to the door with a decent view of the podium. They spent the time waiting for the speeches to start in silence. This was unusual, as they would normally have occupied themselves by mocking the roomful of people, but the aftereffects of their almost-fight still crackled in the air. James had one foot perched atop the other knee and was keeping up a steady jiggle in his leg; his mind was alternating between dissecting what Sirius had accused him of and anxiously wondering what Lily would think when she saw him. It was a relief to see a small man step forward to the podium.

This, James knew from his father's description, must be Cornelius Fudge. He started talking, presumably about his new law, but James immediately tuned him out. James was not _disinterested_ in politics, but it was men like Fudge who put him off. It all felt like one big performance, where self-serving individuals got to speak on behalf of large constituencies of people, got to strike down laws that impacted thousands with the stroke of a pen. James wasn't sure if he trusted himself with that kind of responsibility. Certainly, there were those who flip-flopped with ease, supporting whichever policy seemed most likely to garner them a party promotion. He had always viewed Fudge in this way, although perhaps his view had been clouded by his father's perception. Fudge was wearing a pin-striped suit and a lime green tie. James was just trying to decide whether those were green suspenders he glimpsed under Fudge's jacket when he heard Lily's name and tuned back in.

"Miss Lily Evans, recipient of the prestigious Phoenix Foundation fellowship, will be speaking to us about the impact this bill would have on her family."

When Lily stepped up to the podium, she looked calm and collected, although James could imagine she was internally terrified. She was wearing a high-necked black dress and her hair was piled on her head in a way James found very elegant."

"She cleans up nice," Sirius whispered.

"Don't even think about it," James hissed back, and things felt a bit more normal between them.

"In 1990," Lily began in a clear voice, "A man was shot while walking home from the Gazi Husrev-bey Mosque in Sarajevo. The gunman had followed him after he exited the mosque, and waited until he got a clear shot. The man's face was turned away. He was glancing across the street, where his daughter was waiting to meet him, as was their custom. It was a clean shot to the head; he was dead before he reached the hospital.

The man was my grandfather. His was one of the forgotten deaths, as it came three years before the former Yugoslavia erupted into bloody civil war. Sarajevo was still ostensibly peaceful in 1989. All the same, my mother's older brother decided that they should leave the city after the death of their father. Their mother had been dead for years. My mother was in university at the time, but, still traumatized by her father's death, she agreed to the plan. My uncle paid a man to make them fake passports, they packed a few changes of clothes and some family photographs, and left without saying goodbye to their friends or families, pretending they were going on holiday. Eastern Europe in those days was a tumultuous place to travel. Unlike other countries in the Eastern Bloc, Yugoslavia permitted emigration, but they had very little money and they were forced to travel rough across the continent. They spent days in trains, took turns sleeping in stations, and, at one point on the Austrian-German border, narrowly escaped from a gang of skinheads.

They had planned to cross from France to Britain separately, so as to draw less attention to their fake passports. My uncle didn't make it – he was detained in France, and nearly sent back to Yugoslavia. My mother never saw him again. She arrived in the United Kingdom alone, with limited English and very little money. In Sarajevo, she had been studying to be a doctor, but her classes did not transfer to the British university system, so she had to start from scratch. She made it up to Glasgow, where she had family friends, and applied for refuge in the country. It was illegal for her to work while her papers were being processed, but she needed the money, so she got a job cleaning houses. She doesn't talk about this period of her life much, except to say it was a time of fear and loneliness.

These feelings were alleviated slightly by the red-haired man who lived in the flat above hers, who took to inviting her upstairs for tea. You see my hair, you know where I'm going with this…"

There were appreciative laughs from the audience. James, who felt like he'd been holding his breath since Lily started talking, loosened up a bit. She went on.

"Despite the cultural taboos on marrying outside of their respective faiths, and despite the fact that my mother's rudimentary English made it difficult for her to understand my father's strong Glaswegian accent, they fell in love. They were nearly refused a marriage license when they went to the city hall because the authorities assumed she was marrying him to get her papers. Luckily, they persuaded the clerk otherwise. My sister was born a year later, and I followed two years after that.

With a family to support, my father took a factory job and wasn't home much. My mother moved on to bartending because it paid better; despite working full time and raising her daughters mostly on her own, she began taking English classes at the local community center and insisted on helping my sister and I with our science homework, even when she was more of a hindrance than not.

My mother had luck on her side. She found success, and my sister and I have reaped the benefits. But at every turn, there were unnecessary barriers to their success. English classes were expensive, her immigration status prevented her from working legally, the accredited degree she had received back home was not recognized. She was almost prevented from marrying the man she loved.

I'm not here to demand that you fix these problems overnight. I studied law, I understand that these things are never straightforward, and that they take time. Some of you may even disagree that something _should_ be done, and that's your choice. I'm here because Mr. Fudge asked that I share my story, my family's story. But because of who my family is, sharing that story will always be considered 'political'. I choose to take the risk of your dismissal because I think it's important for you to hear. The multitude of experiences in this country can make it feel like we live in separate worlds; I confess, entering the whirl of London politics felt like a border crossing of my own. But I learned from my mother how to be brave in the face of adversity, and I stand here today asking you to support Mr. Fudge's bill, so that, in ten years, more people with my experience have the opportunity to stand here too. When every member of this society is encouraged to flourish, we will all be better for it."

The speech ended and the hall filled with polite applause. For his part, James clapped loudly and whistled, drawing attention to his corner. Sirius rolled his eyes, but he was clapping hard. When they finally settled down, James turned to Sirius, ignoring the new politician that had stood up to make a speech.

"What'd you think?"

"I think it had Fudge's editing all over it."

James snorted. "Abso-fucking-lutely. Doesn't stop her from being brilliant."

"Whatever, mate. She's got guts, I'll give you that. No way in hell would I stand up there and be a poster child for some sleazy politician's bill, but she pulled it off without seeming like a puppet. Good for her."

James registered that people around them were starting to move – they had obviously been dismissed to booze and schmooze some more – and he stood up quickly, swiveling around, looking for Lily. He spotted her red hair from across the room. She was smiling and nodding politely while a silver-haired man spoke at her enthusiastically.

"Let's go rescue her."

Sirius came willingly enough, but dragged behind James to help himself to appetizers. James made a beeline for Lily. He saw the moment she spotted him over the man's shoulder because her eyes widened in shock. He grinned and slid smoothly in next to her, his hand moving to hover just behind her lower back.

"Lily, you were wonderful. Ah, sir, do excuse me, Mr. Fudge needs a quick word with Ms. Evans here, I'm sure you understand."

"Please do sample the Chardonnay Sauvignon, it's simply marvelous." Sirius had slid into sight right on cue, an extra glass of wine in his hand and a devilish smile on his face that James associated with most of the better memories of his youth. All of the angst from earlier seemed to have gone. He gave James a subtle wink, and then turned his charm onto the startled silver-haired gentleman, leaving James to sweep Lily away.

"I hope you didn't want to talk to him," he said hastily, as they moved through the crowd.

"Oh god no, I don't think I can stand to talk to any of these people right now," Lily said, and a giggle bubbled up unexpectedly.

She suddenly stopped walking and turned to face him. "Wait, what are you doing here?"

"Er," James stalled, since he still hadn't settled on an answer to that question. His hand came up to scratch at the back of his neck. "Well, actually, I just wanted to see you. And, well, support you. You know. Since it's your first speech and all."

For the first time, she blushed. He felt rather pleased with himself. "James, I – that's so sweet. I mean, I know I said I was nervous, but you didn't have to - "

"I know I didn't," he said hastily. "But I wanted to. Well," he amended, "I never really want to go to these sorts of parties, but I wanted to see you, and I suppose I should atone for the sins of my youth, when I terrorized these events, so…"

She laughed, louder this time, and her cheeks glowed.

"Are you going to behave yourself tonight?"

"Well, I haven't entirely decided yet."

"Let's have a glass of wine and then you can tell me how you're feeling."

"Why, Lily Evans, you do sound rather rebellious."

"One of the unfortunate side-effects of being Fudge's puppet for the night."

"Shall we slip something in his drink?"

"Did you bring salt? We could re-live your past pranks."

"I can't believe you remember that!"

"I've honestly been dying to try it out ever since. Maybe on Sev…"

James' eyes widened in delight as she gave him a wicked smile.

"Who are you and what have you done with Lily Evans?"

"We all contain multitudes, Potter. There are many sides to me you don't know."

"I don't even want to know what that means." Sirius had arrived. "Actually, scratch that, I do want to know. Which sides of you are we getting to know tonight?"

"Did James drag you here?"

"What, a bloke can't drop by the most hopping place in London? People would kill to get tickets to this."

James, who had been enjoying the turn the conversation had been taking pre-Sirius, said loudly, "Don't you have some more caviar to steal, Padfoot?"

"Why would I go around stealing caviar, James? It's like you think I'm a barbarian. I'm not here for the food, you mercenary, I'm here to see Lovely Lily make a speech. It was enchanting."

Lily's eyes narrowed. "No need for sarcasm."

"No, I'm serious! I'm sure you moved them all marginally closer to supporting a bill that looks good on paper but does very little. And a lot closer to opening their wallets for Fudge. Bravo."

James wanted to hit Sirius. But to his surprise, Lily threw her head back and laughed.

"Sirius, your honesty is refreshing, especially in here."

Sirius shot James a cheeky grin, and James gave up trying to control the conversation.

"You see over there?" Sirius pointed at an ancient stooped lady who was jabbing a gnarled forefinger into a waiter's chest and looked ready to whack him across the shins with her cane. "That's Mabel Bulstrode. She's got more money than a goblin in a goldmine, and a temper to match. What a bitch. And that gent over there? There was a big scandal a few years ago when he disappeared off to Albania with his inheritance, and his brother's too. But that was nothing to when he came back with a pet snake and a turban – I mean, he was in Albania, turbans aren't exactly a local fashion."

James stopped listening. Normally he was amused by Sirius' encyclopedic knowledge of London's family scandals, but he was distracted tonight by Lily. His brain seemed to be short circuiting, he couldn't hold on to thoughts. She was…fuck, what was it about her? It wasn't that the speech had been anything astounding. Purely from a writer's perspective, he would have chosen to lay out the sequence of events differently, build up suspense a bit, introduce more humor. And it wasn't that the delivery had blown him away. She was a solid orator, sure, but nothing to write home about. She was pretty, but James knew that wasn't it. She was…warm. Genuine. Real in a way he rarely glimpsed. She could stand up and deliver a speech to a bunch of stuffed suits, then step off stage and laugh with Sirius, laugh _at_ herself. She was…fuck. James was…yes, so there was no denying it. He officially had a rather large crush. And after all that denial. Alas. He was never going to live this one down.

He was jerked back to himself by Sirius rudely jabbing him in the ribs.

"Were you listening?"

"Wha-?"

"This louse wasn't even listening."

Lily laughed.

"Ah, cut him a break. He's probably still processing my brilliant speechwriting, aren't you James?"

James prayed to any god available not to blush.

"We're going to a pub, mate, come on."

"I said I can't go yet, Sirius," Lily interjected. "I've got to schmooze a bit, it's part of my job."

"You schmooze you lose."

"I'm pretty sure it's - "

But Lily had jabbed him in the ribs, cutting James off mid-sentence. Somehow he minded it less when she did it.

A man had approached their little group, and it was clear he was not put off by any social restrictions on interrupting a conversation. He would have been handsome – _should_ have been handsome – but his face was oddly devoid of expression and his eyes were cold and unsettling.

"Lily Evans," he said, although his eyes were sweeping Sirius and James. "The voice of the people."

"Riddle," Sirius said, and underneath the stiff greeting was ill-disguised aversion.

James realized who this must be. The CEO of the biotech company T.M. Riddle. The one going to court over bribes paid out to politicians. Riddle's eyes had moved on now to rake Lily; James suppressed a shiver and shifted closer to her, a move that did not go unnoticed by Riddle. His lips turned into the slightest suggestion of a smirk.

Lily also looked unnerved, and opened her mouth to speak. "I'm sorry, who…"

"But of course, I've forgotten my manners. T.M. Riddle." He did not hold out his hand to shake Lily's. "We should, perhaps, have met sooner, but Dumbledore prefers to keep his people distant from me."

"I wonder why," Sirius snorted.

Riddle didn't spare him a glance.

"And James Potter. Still puncturing reputations over at the Quibbler. I've told your father, of course, that there is always a place for you at T.M. Riddle, should you prefer to turn your talents in communication to more…meaningful pursuits."

"I'd rather write about you than for you, Riddle, thanks."

"As you wish, of course. All the same, keep in mind the connections you could forge. Your father seems content to remain holed up in his office, but you seem like the sort of man who craves something more. If the Quibbler should ever become, shall we say, _restrictive,_ think on it."

And before any of them could say anything, he was gone. There was a pause.

"Well that was creepy as fuck," Lily announced. Sirius, whom Riddle had totally ignored, looked furious. James felt uneasy. Why had Riddle singled him out? Was it just his normal propensity to surround himself with people from old London families?

"Wait…" Lily said slowly. "Was that T.M. Riddle, as in _T.M. Riddle_? As in, biotech bloke?"

"That's the one," Sirius spat. "Employs half my family."

"And Sev," Lily muttered. She shook her head. "You know what? I've changed my mind. I'm done schmoozing. Let's go drink."

James couldn't have agreed more.


	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry it's been a while. I guess this is going to take me longer than I'd anticipated, but eh. It'll get done. Just a quick recap: Lily and James met on the train down from Edinburgh to London. Lily was moving down to live with her childhood friend (and James' childhood nemesis), Severus. Lily is now working at a policy institute called the Phoenix Foundation and as a bartender at the Three Broomsticks; James works at a satire magazine called_ The Quibbler. _James helped Lily get her bartending job, but then Sirius punched Severus and Lily's still not sure who was to blame. Lily recently made a speech at a fundraising gala for the MP Cornelius Fudge, and Sirius and James showed up to support her._

Lily woke up abruptly the next morning, jolted out of a dream in which an octopus repeatedly tried to drown her. She had left her curtains open the night before and bright sunlight striped her floor. Groaning, she pulled the blankets over her head and contemplated going back to sleep, but it was too late. Her body was awake and her mind, unfortunately, was catching up; memories and emotions from the night before that she wasn't ready to contemplate began to nudge her consciousness.

The speech had gone as well as she could have hoped. But the adrenaline rush afterwards had translated into a recklessness she generally didn't allow herself to feel. Agreeing to go out drinking with Sirius and James had definitely been a spur of the moment decision, and now what sort of damage had she done to those budding friendships with her ridiculous behavior? As though to run away from her mortification, she swung her legs out of bed and stumped over to the pile of mostly clean clothes in the corner, fishing out a skirt and the blouse with the fewest wrinkles. She went through her morning routine on autopilot and was out the door within a half hour.

The morning was overcast and the air had that cold, damp quality that London had perfected. Burrowing her hands deep in her pockets, she started out down the street, contemplating the cracks in the sidewalk. What on earth had come over her last night? She hadn't even had that much to drink. It started, she supposed, when she'd spotted James across the room. The sight of him had sent an electric shock through her body. When he'd put his hand on her lower back, she'd felt a warmth that was entirely unconnected with the glass of champagne she'd been sipping. And once they were out of the gala, it had been all she could do not to accidentally brush against him every two minutes. She'd liked James from the get-go, of course; he was amicable, charming, and a great conversationalist. But last night, when he'd gone out of his way to show up at some boring politician's party for _her_ (how had he even gotten in?), some defensive wall inside of herself had started crumbling. Did that make her shallow? She couldn't deny that the way he'd looked in that suit…well, it certainly hadn't helped matters.

The rest of the evening she'd felt something like an electrical current between them, like they were operating on their own separate wavelength, isolated from the rest of the world. Had he felt it too? Had she acted differently? She certainly hadn't given Sirius his fair share of attention. Come to think of it, he'd seemed to get surlier as the night progressed. Lily, normally so attuned to others emotions, had hardly registered this. The idea that Sirius may have felt slighted made Lily's stomach twist. She already had the distinct impression he didn't like her…well, she certainly hadn't been giving him too many reasons to change his mind. Lily was so absorbed in her dithering it took a moment to register that she was standing outside her work building. She gave herself a little shake and hurried inside.

By lunchtime, she had achieved much less than usual, but had at least come to the decision that all of this worrying over something she couldn't undo was useless. She would just have to apologize to James the next time she saw him, explain that she'd been on a weird post-nerves high, and had acted strangely. She wanted to apologize to Sirius too, but that discussion would be a little harder to carry out. Perhaps she hadn't acted as strangely as she remembered. Perhaps she'd imagined Sirius' coldness. She had certainly imagined the feelings towards James. And if she hadn't…well, they'd have to be squashed. Rapidly.

Despite her lack of productivity, she allowed herself to leave a half hour earlier than usual. She hurried home, entirely ready to spend the evening on the couch. Her bedroom door was closed as she changed into a sweater and leggings when she heard the outer door of the flat open. Oh right. Severus. In her angst over James, she'd entirely forgotten that they'd promised to talk about their fight. Now that she was no longer in a nervous tizzy, she felt much less ready to forgive him, but she also couldn't avoid him forever. She made to open her bedroom door, but froze at the sound of a male voice that wasn't Severus.

"-don't know what they expect me to do, Snape."

"Isn't it obvious? Convince her to go through with it. Tell her you want it, tell her it's her only way out, say whatever you need to."

"But I _don't_ want - "

"You won't have to _do_ anything with it. Just persuade her."

There was a pause. Lily thought about walking out, announcing her presence – she really should let them know she was there, but something kept her frozen. She had never met one of Severus' friends, and she was extremely curious to know what they got up to. What _were_ they talking about?

"Oh dear," Sev drawled from the other side of the door. "Don't tell me you're getting cold feet now. Black, there are a million fish in the sea. Do what you have to do and then forget this woman."

"What, use her?" the man said in a strained voice.

"Please, do I have to spell it out for you?"

Severus' tone was so familiar to Lily that she could picture the look on his face. Sardonic, with one eyebrow raised.

When the other didn't respond, Severus added, "You didn't honestly believe your lovely cousin would have approved of you continuing to see her."

"What do you – wait. Snape, are you – was it _Bella_?"

Severus didn't answer. Lily heard the couch creak as somebody sank onto it.

"I thought _you_ , at least, would understand."

"Understand?" Severus drawled.

"What it's like to be with someone they…disapprove of. I mean, you have this mysterious Evans you keep cloistered away."

The implication was obvious, and Lily waited for Sev to correct him, to say that he and Lily were old friends, nothing more. Again, he said nothing.

"Severus , please – I need help. I need to get her out of there - "

"So _convince her_. I can't help you, Black. This is bigger than you and your woman problems. We're not even close to getting the process right, and the Chinese are catching up. We need more subjects to participate in the tests, or all of our jobs – and our reputations – are at stake. I suggest you grow up and get yourself over to the Manor."

Lily was confused at the abrupt subject change – why were they suddenly talking about work? There was silence from outside her bedroom door, then the creaking of couch springs and the sound of the front door swinging open and slamming shut. A moment of silence, then the couch springs creaked again. Lily supposed the man had left and Severus had sat down. She debated with herself how to respond. If she just walked out now, it would be clear she'd heard the whole conversation. But she wasn't going to stay locked in her room all night, not making a sound. This was her flat too, and if Severus wanted to have loud arguments in the sitting room, that was his prerogative. Still, she _had_ eavesdropped…

Then, in a stroke of inspiration, it occurred to her. She moved over to the bed, sat down, and rolled around a bit to make some noise. She couldn't have eavesdropped if she was asleep. She removed her earrings and mussed up her hair a bit before getting up and moving to the door. Yawning and stretching, she opened it to find Severus sitting on the sofa, scrolling through something on his phone. He looked up when she came out, surprised.

"Hello Sev," Lily said, breezing right past him into the kitchen so that her guilty face wouldn't give her away. She clattered around, putting on the kettle and calling, "Do you want tea?"

Sev appeared in the door of the kitchen, frowning slightly.

"You're home early."

"I left work around 3. I wasn't feeling well so I came back to take a nap. I just woke up," she added.

"Hmm."

Lily avoided his eye, instead moving around him to fetch the tea bags and mugs from the cupboard and the milk from the fridge. When the kettle had boiled, she poured herself a cup and turned to reenter the living room. Severus was still standing there, eyeing her warily.

"You said yesterday that you'd like to talk."

"I did? Oh, yes, well, maybe not tonight, I'm really rather - "

"Lily."

She looked up at him. Her oldest friend, in his baggy black zip up, his shoulder length hair pulled back into a scraggly ponytail. He appeared both apprehensive and resigned. She sighed. Why could she never say no to him? She brushed past him to sink into the sofa cushions. He followed more cautiously, perching on the edge. Lily turned sideways to face him, tucking her legs under herself.

"Why did you say that stuff, Sev?"

"S-sorry?"

"Why did you pull out all that, 'you're just like other girls' shit?"

"I-I was upset."

"Now I'm upset."

"I'm sorry Lily - it was a mistake."

"Yeah, it was."

"But I just – just couldn't believe you'd met with James Potter, after what his mate did to me."

"I wanted to hear both sides of the story."

"You didn't seem that interested in my side."

"That's what I was trying to ask you about, but you went all ballistic when I brought up James!"

" 'James', whom you're suddenly all chummy with - "

"See, there you go again, can you not have a reasonable conversation when it comes to him?"

"He _tormented_ me, Lily! For _years_!"

"And you were completely innocent, were you?"

Lily half hated the vitriol coming out of her mouth. What if she was wrong? She hadn't been there – what if Severus really had been the innocent victim of James and his friends. Had she, in fact, fallen for James Potter's charms and become blinded to his faults, as Sev had accused? Unfortunately, Sev also took that moment to change tactics.

"Lily, I just can't bear the thought of him turning you against me. You're my best friend, the most important person to me. I've seen Potter charm his way out of sticky situations for years. I _know_ you're smart, but I just…sort of lost it, thinking about you believing him instead of me.

Now Lily's insides were truly squirming with guilt. Had she completely misjudged the situation? Sirius _had_ been the one to punch Snape. This memory turned out to be something of a balm for her guilty conscience, because it led her to her other point.

"What happened with Mulciber, then? Was Potter lying to me about that? And what was that about Black's brother – were you or were you not taunting him?"

"I was not _taunting_ him. I mentioned his brother. If Black can't control his fists any time someone brings up a member of his family in his presence, he needs help."

"It _sounded_ like a jibe - "

"For goodness sake, Lily, if I'd punched every person who asked after my alcoholic father in school I'd have been expelled in a month! Black has no self-control, and he gets away with it because he's filthy rich."

"What about Mulciber? He's filthy rich too," Lily said stubbornly.

"Mulciber…yes, that was – that is to say - "

"Did he or did he not try to rape someone?"

"Well now, rape is a strong word - "

"Answer the question, Severus!"

"The charges were dropped - " but he broke off upon spotting the disgusted look Lily was giving him.

"I don't know, Lily. But I haven't seen him since."

"You promise?"

"Absolutely."

Severus was staring directly into her eyes, and she couldn't tell whether he was telling the truth or trying to convince her it was the truth. She sighed. There was a pounding behind her left temple and she felt drained. Fighting with Severus always made her do this - stress and question herself. He had a way of twisting her arguments so that she no longer remembered what she'd come in angry about.

"I need you to promise me that you won't flip out again when I mention James Potter's name."

"Will that be happening frequently?"

"I don't know. I just need you to promise."

"Sure Lily. I promise."

Lily had the distinct impression he was just trying to appease her, but she no longer had the energy to keep fighting him.

"I'm going back to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

She slumped into her bedroom, ignoring his look of disappointment.

Lily spent the weekend avoiding thinking about both Severus and James Potter. Accordingly, the topic that was shuffled to the forefront was T.M. Riddle, and her creepy encounter with him on Thursday night. Her curiosity had been peaked by the visit to her flat of the man with the woman troubles. She gathered he was one of Sev's coworkers from the way they'd suddenly switched to talking about tests, and the Chinese catching up. She spent much of the weekend - when she wasn't working at the Three Broomsticks or sleeping - googling T.M. Riddle, both the company and the man. Unfortunately, their website told her astoundingly little about what the company actually did. Or, if it did, their work was so deeply buried in incomprehensible biotech language that she couldn't decipher it. She therefore switched to doing what she did best – researching law. It was Lily's firm belief that the bills a corporation came out in support of told a person a lot about their priorities. Most of the things T.M. Riddle was on record supporting had to do with patent law; they obviously produced something that had to be patented for the company to make a profit. The names of the politician's T.M. Riddle had bribed had not yet been released to the public, which was a shame, because Lily suspected it would have told her a lot.

When she found herself looking for Tom Riddle on Facebook late Sunday evening, she decided that she had reached a new, creepy low and shut her laptop. The work week started again tomorrow, and she needed to pack her lunch. She was just fishing around for a pair of sweatpants to pull on when her phone rang. Her heart immediately jumped into her throat – what if it was James? What would she say to him? Her panic was spiraling so quickly, for a moment she felt relieved when she saw the caller ID – Petunia. Then reality arrived with an unpleasant thump. Petunia _never_ called her; the last time she'd seen her sister had been almost two years previously, and they had hardly spoken. Panic seized her again, for a whole new reason, and she hastened to answer.

"Petunia? What's wrong? Is it Mom?"

"Jesus Lily, you always were paranoid, but this is getting ridiculous."

Petunia's derisive voice told Lily everything was fine.

"Well, it's been a while. You can't blame me for thinking…"

"Yes, well. Mom is actually the reason I'm calling. I'm getting married on January the 11th and she would like you to be in attendance."

Petunia's clipped tone made it perfectly apparent that _she_ didn't think it was right she should have to waste her time on this telephone call. Lily felt her heart drop, although she couldn't tell if it was shock or disappointment.

"Well, thanks for the warm invitation."

"What did you expect? It's not like you make any sort an effort to reach out to me."

Petunia always had been the more honest of the two.

"I…didn't realize you wanted me to," Lily said evasively.

"Did I say that?" she snapped. "Please just tell me whether you'll be there."

"Who on earth agreed - " she stopped herself just in time. "I mean, who's the lucky guy?"

She may not have said the nasty words, but she was sure Petunia could read behind the lines. There was silence from the other side; her sister was doubtlessly seething. What was stopping her from just hanging up? Was Lily's mother sitting there, waiting anxiously for Lily's answer? The thought prodded her into making more of an effort. She racked her brains for some beau her mother may have mentioned.

"I remember you were with a – was it Victor?"

"Vernon."

Vernon…had Lily even met him?

"Now I'm sure you are terribly busy down there in London, so if you can't make it, you should just - "

"No, I'll be there!"

Lily wasn't sure what had made her say it so decisively. She wanted to believe it was the side of her that missed her sister, that wanted to be there with her on this important day. But a little voice whispered in her ear that her reflex to piss off Petunia was stronger than any remaining sisterly ties.

Sure enough, Petunia didn't sound pleased when she spit, "Very well. I'm planning out the seating arrangements now, so don't think about messing it up by bringing someone, or ditching at the last second." Apparently she was not going to do Lily the courtesy of asking if she'd like a plus one.

"Whatever, Tuney."

They rang off. What a warm and affectionate pair. Lily gave up on preparing lunch and burrowed back under her blankets. How was it fair that Petunia brought out a bitchy side of Lily that she rarely displayed elsewhere? She sometimes wondered how her sister acted when she wasn't around. Was she also kinder? She'd managed to snare herself a husband, so somebody approved.

Giving up on diagnosing their dysfunction, Lily instead spent a miserable hour scrolling through Petunia's Facebook page, seeing second hand all of the preparations for the upcoming nuptials. Knowing her sister, calling Lily was the last bit of work she had to complete for a wedding that was still months away.

There was Lexi, one of Petunia's friends from secondary school, taking a selfie of herself in a bridesmaid gown. There was Petunia, picking out floral bouquets accompanied by two girls called Bryony and Chloe, whom Lily had never met. Who were they, these women who peopled her sister's existence? Lily wanted to believe that they were unbearable – vapid and vain. A cold part of her wanted the sister who had caused her so much misery to be constantly dissatisfied with her Lily-less life. _You cast me out, I want you to suffer for it._ Why couldn't she stop caring? It would be easier if she could just dismiss her sister, stop concerning herself with how Petunia felt, or who occupied her time. But, if she was going to give a damn, at least she felt anger rather than pain. Thoroughly miserable now, and not a small bit disgusted with herself, Lily put her phone away and tried to drop off to sleep, bitter with the world.

 _Poor Lily. We all have rough weekends. I promise the next will be more upbeat - I had to research obscure conspiracy theories to write it. ;) -E_


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry for the delay! I would love to guarantee the next chapter will be posted sooner, but...I must not tell lies. If you're looking for something else to read, check out cgner and Ghostofbambi. Both are fabulous authors, both have stories going at the moment, and both better at updating than I ;)_

James woke up Friday morning in a spiffing mood. He hummed 'Tubthumping' to himself as he waltzed around the kitchen, eating cold sausages with his fingers. He ignored Sirius' sullen expression and dark looks as he poured himself tea and cut mold off the bread. He donned his favorite teal button-up (un-ironed) and practically skipped to the bus stop, replaying in his mind the delicious details of the night before. Lily Evans, he now knew, was a goddess among women, and a terrible flirt. He had certainly not missed the way she had scooted her barstool closer to his or touched his arm when she asked him a question, or smiled at him…Eh. So perhaps a less self-assured man would have second guessed himself. James was no such man. He was 110% certain that everything Lily had done last night had _meant_ something – had meant, in fact, that she was _so_ into him. James felt rather smug.

He hopped onto the bus, smiling jovially at the driver and grabbed hold of the overhead bar. He gave himself the bus ride to continue his Lily Evans fantasies, but once he stepped off and walked the final block to work, he knew he had to get his head in the game. Last night had not only been productive on the romance front – he also had an idea for his next story pitch. He bounded up the stairs to his office. The outer doors were somewhat shabby, but nothing about them suggested the chaos one would find beyond. The offices of the Quibbler were, to put it simply, disorganized. Unsold stacks of the magazine were piled in every corner; many of them were older than James was and had collected a posse of dust bunnies. James' fellow writers were hunched over their keyboards and surrounded by a general clutter of sweet wrappers, crusty plates, and crumpled article drafts. James breezed past them, calling out greetings. He took a moment to dump his bag on his own swivel chair and then to dig his phone out of his pocket to leave on his desk. His first stop was Xenophilius Lovegood's office, and he knew from bitter experience that any sort of electronic device was banned in that office due to Xeno's unshakeable fear that he was being bugged.

It was Xeno's deep-seated suspicion of the government that had led him to where he was today. James suspected he'd been indoctrinated in the 1960s, and had spent most of the 70s researching the conspiracy theories that were his passion. In the 1980s, frustrated by the narrow-mindedness and ignorance of the people of Britain, he'd started a publication – the Quibbler - to alert the general public to the complex webs of power that bound their elected figures to a variety of underground militias, secret societies, and alien overseers. The magazine had floundered for a while, unable to find a large enough audience to sustain itself, until he'd met Pandora.

According to some of the older writers, she'd been an incredibly lovely woman. She'd been fascinated by Xenophilius' theories but had possessed enough sense to see Quibbler sales weren't putting food on the table. It had been her idea to begin marketing the Quibbler as a spoof magazine, something she had never entirely communicated to her husband. Sales went up, she began hiring comedy writers, and Xeno remained happily oblivious. All went well until she died, poisoned by her unfortunate predilection for food foraging, eight years before James was hired. Xeno was devastated, and he doubled down on his work, adding suspicion of medical establishments to his already long list. He continued to be ignorant of the arrangement Pandora had made with his chief editor before she died, which ensured the continuation of the Quibbler as a comedy magazine with Xeno as the symbolic head. Strictly speaking, Alfie Pritchard was James' boss, but James liked to clear his articles with Xeno too, so the man would feel involved.

He proceeded straight through to Xeno's office without knocking. Knocking wasn't really an option when entering Xenophilius Lovegood's office; he wouldn't have heard anyway. Sometimes there was a gramophone playing; sometimes Xeno couldn't hear over the furious clatter of his typewriter as he pounded out an article. Sometimes James would simply find him staring off into space, apparently oblivious to mundane sounds such as knocking. In any case, James had learned to let himself in.

Today, Xeno was standing by the window, which was coated in a fairly thick layer of grime. James wondered whether the cleaners that came up to the office at night had just given up on this particular room. He had a pair of binoculars pressed to his eye, and was craning his neck to spot something up in the sky. He was also smoking a pipe that was certainly in violation of the buildings' smoking restrictions.

"Morning, sir."

Xeno didn't acknowledge him. James tried again.

"It's a beautiful day out, isn't it? Threatening rain, but not quite there. Perfect."

"Come here."

James moved obediently over to the window.

"Look at that!"

Xeno offered James the binoculars, the strap of which was still looped around his neck. This meant looking through the binoculars forced James cheek-by-jowl with Xeno. He smelled like garlic and coffee. James peered through the binoculars, not bothering to adjust them or strain particularly hard to see through them. He suspected he already knew what Xeno was trying to show him.

"You see them?"

"Yep," James lied.

"There's more of them this morning."

"Must be something going on."

"My thoughts precisely."

James felt that he had spent a reasonable amount of time looking through the binoculars and handed them back to Xeno, who balanced them back on the windowsill and moved to sink into his desk chair, his forehead resting on the tips of his fingers.

"Those aren't just harmless trails of jet exhaust, James."

"No sir," James agreed. He had heard this particular theory many times before.

"They're full of gas, James. Population control. _Mind_ control. That's what they're after."

"Very possibly, sir."

Xeno's eyes slid out of focus as his gaze returned to the window. James waited few moments to be polite, then said, "So, sir. I've got a new idea for an article. I think you're going to like this one."

"Mmm."

"It's about a corrupt biotech company."

That seemed to rouse Xeno somewhat.

"Biotech. Those scumbags."

"Yes. Well it's this company called T.M. Riddle. They've got this very sketchy founder – I think it could make a great character piece."

"You know that they've found a cure for cancer. They just keep it from the public so they can keep selling us drugs."

"Yeah, well, maybe I'll uncover that story if I can dig into Riddle a bit."

"Of course, of course."

James could see he was losing Xeno's attention again, and he had just gotten up to leave when he said, "That's why I like you, James. You're out to uncover the truth. People have got to know – they have a _right_ to know – the truth."

"Yes, sir."

"It's like that article you wrote last month on the lizard people. Do you know, James, even I didn't know about that. But it makes sense. It explains so much. I'd like to see you write a follow-up. Trace the transfer of the power of the deep state from human hands to the lizards. I'm sure there was some sort of power struggle that went on right under our noses. But people just don't see…That took some real investigative journalism to uncover."

"Yes, sir," said James, feeling not the slightest twinge of guilt that he had concocted that particular story while lounging around his sitting room with Sirius, completely shitfaced.

"I do sometimes wonder…"

James waited several long moments for Xeno to finish this sentence, before deciding that was his cue to leave. He rose again and, this time, Xeno didn't stop him, already rifling through a teetering pile of books piled up by the window.

James cleared the story with his real editor in far less time; Alfie Pritchard was a man of few spoken words, but he had a knack for biting satire. He sat down at his desk and snapped on his bulky, noise-cancelling headphones. Each earpiece had a label reading "Bug off" courtesy of the label-maker Sirius had been the proud owner of for exactly one week. James was exceptionally fond of those headphones.

For the next few hours he lost himself in research. When most people learned about James' job, they jealously assumed that it involved little more than coming up with jokes. However, as James liked to pontificate when he was inebriated and feeling undervalued, the job of a comedy writer required _finesse_. Sure, there were those short stories he whipped up as a space filler, but the feature pieces had to have something more – they had to touch a nerve with the public. They had to have a basis in fact; or, more accurately, in what collective opinion considered fact. Corruption stories, such as the one James was setting out to write, were an old fallback, especially when the central personage was such a spoofable character. But James wanted to do more than write a straightforward corruption piece. His instinct, plus a general suspicion of the employees of T.M. Riddle, told him there was more nastiness going on there, and he savored the chance to get paid to uncover it. And so he googled.

Unfortunately, by noon he had uncovered frustratingly little. T.M. Riddle certainly spawned a lot of rumors on conspiracy sites the likes of which Xeno frequented, but James didn't feel like he had been able to understand what, in the broad world of biotech, they actually did. He had to force himself to stop because he had three space fillers to finish by five that evening, but during a quick coffee break, he sent texts for reinforcements. His dad responded immediately, "Yes! Bring the lads." Peter and Remus had both answered in the affirmative by the time James returned to his desk. He could see that Sirius had read the text, but he never responded. It didn't matter. Sirius was often sullen, but James was laid back enough that it bounced right off him.

He was reasonably productive for the rest of the day, only taking two breaks to scroll through Lily's facebook page, and by five he had emailed the articles to his editor and breezed out the door. It was still early, so he shot off a text to Peter that he would meet him at his office, and set off to walk the two miles there. The sun was peeking out from behind the clouds, it was Friday, and James was feeling good about himself and at peace with the world.

Peter was waiting outside his office, sitting on a bench and absorbed in something on his phone. He jumped a little when James took a seat next to him.

"Evening, Pete."

"James! Hey, what's up. Just give me a minute, I've almost beat this level."

James, of course, immediately crowded in for a look.

"Level 3? Pathetic! I'm on at least level 5!"

Peter was too immersed to answer, so James continued to peer over his shoulder until he'd finished with a loss.

"Ah, better luck next time mate."

"You were jostling me!"

James laughed, getting to his feet.

"So, Pete, any plans for the weekend? Hot dates? Drunken debacles? Mildly illegal misadventures?"

"Well, my birthday's Tuesday, so - "

"Fuck me, your birthday's _this_ Tuesday!? Why in God's name didn't you say anything?"

"Well, I don't know. I didn't want to…be a bother."

"A bother? A bother! A Maurauder's birthday is a cause for celebration of the highest order! I can't believe – bloody disgrace is what it is. We're pulling together a party This. Weekend."

Half of James' brain immediately jumped to Lily – this would be the perfect opportunity to see her again. And in a more…relaxed setting. But maybe this weekend wouldn't be good for her. She had just had a long week. He immediately amended himself.

"Well, maybe not this weekend. Last minute's harder to do now we've all got proper jobs. And we want to have maximum attendance. Better make it next weekend. That'll still be your birthday week."

James slowed down long enough to register Peter hadn't said anything.

"So…Pete? What'd'ya say?"

"Yeah, er, next weekend would be great. Thanks, Prongs."

James smiled at his old school nickname.

"You got it Wormtail. Hey, mate, so what's up with you? We haven't caught up in weeks."

James passed the rest of the walk to the bus stop with half his mind on Peter's long-winded complaints about his upstairs neighbors and half plotting the best way to invite Lily to Peter's birthday. A casual text would be fine, but why not step it up a notch? He was James Potter, after all, and he had never settled for 'fine'. Maybe bake her a cake and drop by work with it? He immediately dismissed this as both too 90s sitcom and too much work.

His schemings were finally cut short when they arrived in the block of fancy penthouses where his father lived. James let them in with his spare key. They were a little early so he was surprised to see that Sirius was already there, lounging on a slightly dusty loveseat with a glass of scotch in front of him. James' father was sitting in the armchair opposite, chuckling at something Sirius had said. He got to his feet when James and Peter walked in, greeting Peter with a handshake and James with a one-armed hug.

"It's been a while since you've all been by. Good to see you, Pete."

"Now you know we all just came for Euphemia's cooking. Since she's been gone…" Sirius trailed off, pointedly failing to greet James and Peter.

"Sirius you wound me. Where's Remus?"

"He'll be here," James said carelessly, leaning down to swipe Sirius' scotch.

"Oi!"

"Ah, so now you pay attention to me," James snorted, draining the scotch.

"I would apologize to you, Sirius, but you're as much of an attention hog as James here is," Fleamont said.

Sirius looked deeply aggrieved and stalked off to the kitchen to get more scotch. Fleamont and James chuckled.

Remus arrived just as the chicken finished cooking. James planned to let everyone tuck into their food and catch up a bit before he brought up the topic of Riddle. He was also watching the wine bottle, hoping his father might lose some of his discretion as the night wore on. To his surprise, Sirius was the first to raise the subject.

"So, Mr. Potter. James and I were hoping you might dish up a little gossip with this fine chicken."

James shouldn't have been surprised. He and Sirius were always in sync, even when Sirius got pissy.

"Well, we'll have to see about that. I know you've got an unrivalled nose for dirt, Sirius."

"Riddle. What is that fucker up to and why's he such a creep? He was all up on James' girl the other night."

His father raised his eyebrow at James, who merely grinned proudly back.

"Your _girl_ , James…?"

"Only a matter of time, Dad."

"I don't even want to know." He turned back to Sirius. "Well, as to why he's such a creep, I have no answers. You'd have to find his mother and ask her. As to what he's up to…there I can be of more assistance." He paused to drink deeply from his wine glass. James had not inherited his flair for dramatics from the ether.

"Tell me, boys, have you heard of something called CRISPR?"

Sirius, James, and Remus all furrowed their brows.

"I might've read an article once," Remus said.

James glanced at Peter; the fourth member of their group was staring down at his plate, looking uncomfortable.

"Well, I only know what I've researched since Lucius Malfoy stopped by to pay me a visit and brag about their earth shattering research. We could do with your mother the biologist here to explain it, but I'll give it my best shot. Some millions of years ago, bacteria developed an enzyme to use as a defense against viruses. When the virus attacks, the bacteria sends this enzyme out to splice very exact sections of the virus' DNA and insert them into the bacteria's _own_ DNA. That way, if the bacteria survives the attack, both it _and_ its descendants will have an ingrained memory of that virus – a mugshot, if you will – so if the virus decides to attack again, the bacteria will be ready to recognize and defeat it quickly."

"Nature is magic," said Sirius, a secret and devout lover of the Planet Earth series.

"It is. Anyway, biotech researchers realized that the splicing ability the enzyme carries is far more exact than anything humans have been able to create. They've been able to use it in other organisms, to splice out and insert genes with unparalleled accuracy, essentially altering the genetic makeup of that organism…and all of its descendants."

James let out a low whistle. "Creepy. That's a lot of power."

"And if there's one thing Riddle loves…" Sirius said. He and James exchanged darkly significant looks.

"James, it's really no wonder you work for a conspiracy theory peddler," Remus snapped. "I don't see why this is creepy. It sounds like it could have some really amazing medical implications."

"And it does," James' father said quickly. "There's a lot of potential there. If you are genetically predisposed to have a certain disease, doctors could potentially splice out those genes that predispose you. As wild as it sounds, it's really in the same vein as the genetic modification we already practice on plants and animals."

"Just, a million times more exact?" James asked.

"Yes," said Fleamont. "Think about it. Parents who are getting in vitro fertilization can already choose the sex of the baby – they're not supposed to, but they can. This would be the same, but more accurate and cheaper. The initial studies haven't been that successful, and there are a lot of barriers in place to even _doing_ studies, at least in this country. But the potential is there."

"Say what you want, I don't trust Riddle with that kind of power. After all, with great power comes great - "

"Oh, please Padfoot, stop quoting Spiderman," Remus bit out. "What's it matter if you don't like the guy who's doing the research? He has the financial backing – I say let him do it."

"What say you, Peter?" James' father said loudly, cutting off Sirius' protests.

Peter looked hesitant. "Well…I'm with Remus. There's a lot of potential there, and if it's regulated properly - "

"The question is, is Riddle willing to obey regulations? My sense of the guy is he's willing to bend the rules to get what he wants," James mused.

"Takes one to know one," smiled Fleamont.

"I still say it's worth the risk," argued Remus.

"Listen, I'm going to do some digging on Riddle. See if there's anything dodgy going on at that company. I've got permission from Pritchard to make that my next feature piece."

"Brilliant," said Sirius, apparently forgiving James for his earlier transgressions. "I'll help you."

"Why don't you ask the T.M. Riddle employee we have sitting right here?"

Attention shifted to Peter again, and he didn't seem happy about it. James glanced uneasily at his father. Generally Fleamont was better at picking up group dynamics than this. Talking about Peter's job was _definitely_ not the best way to keep Sirius' blood pressure down.

"Well, this research is happening anyway. There are a lot of labs in China that are doing it. Here in Britain there are a lot more regulations, so it'll be safer. And we might as well try to keep up." He caught sight of Sirius' snarl, and added hastily, "but I don't really work on the R&D side. I'm in HR."

Sirius snorted, and James quickly interceded before he could remind them all that Peter was, in fact, his little brother's secretary.

"So, Remus. How's the bookshop? You reckon Mr. Patil'll let us in again any time soon? He can't still be mad – it was just one tiny bookshelf."

To James' surprise, Remus didn't leap on the distraction.

"No. I want to know more about what Sirius thinks. What if they developed something that could help me, eh? Would you think their research was no good then?"

Sirius looked stricken. "Of course not, mate, it's just, I don't think they're making it a priority to cure diseases. I think Riddle's just trying to milk this as a money cow."

"Fine, but you were just arguing the other day against cutting military spending because you said loads of things we use every day were originally designed for combat. So why is this any different?"

"I – it – I don't trust Riddle!"

"And there's the crux of the issue," Remus said, settling back in his chair. James was rather surprised to hear Remus sound so caustic, but he suspected Sirius has touched a nerve by failing to acknowledge Remus' stake in this issue.

Sirius spluttered a bit. James decided to step in. "Look, I see what both of you are saying. Moony, you know Sirius would support any sort of research that would help you. But, on the other hand, even you can see that Riddle's just barreling ahead with the science, leaving the ethicists huffing along behind. Besides, I think there's something we're not talking about here. Eugenics. We all know most of the people Riddle's hired subscribe to that pure British blood nonsense – no offense, Pete. Who's to say they don't believe they'll be developing a superior race or something?"

"Something else to consider, boys," interjected Fleamont, "is who will be able to afford to get their kids' genetics changed."

"Health is already tied to income," Remus frowned. "And you said CRISPR would be cheaper.

"It's cheaper to make. But whoever gets the patent will be able to charge whatever they'd like."

"So, do you _also_ think the research should be stopped?" Remus challenged.

"No," said Mr. Potter gently. "I'm just saying that who does the research does matter."

Remus gave a small jerk of his head, Sirius muttered something that may have been an apology, and Peter got up to get dessert.


	10. Chapter 10

In an ideal world, after a rather terrible weekend, one would wake up on a Monday morning determined to start afresh and put the regrets of the past two days behind. Unsurprisingly, this was not the mindset Lily adopted when awoken by the blaring of her alarm clock at an ungodly hour. She stomped out of bed, snorted at her reflection, dragged on a mostly clean dress, and went off to start what promised to be a bloody awful day. She got unnecessarily irritated at the weather, considering she was Scottish and had grown up with grey skies all her life, and nearly missed the bus. If she'd have been in a more philosophical state of mind, she might have recognized that she'd been operating for some weeks at an unnatural speed, and she was overdue for a crash. After all, moving to a new city, starting not one, but two new jobs, dealing with a distant yet strangely possessive flatmate, giving a speech at a politician's gala, and trying to make new friends were not challenges to be scoffed at. But Lily was not feeling philosophical, nor was she feeling particularly forgiving of the world at the moment. She was tired, she was lonely, and she wanted to be left to stew.

And so it went all week. She should have recognized that the best cure for misery is company and not skipped pickup football that week, but she did not. Worn out by the demands of acting agreeable all day, she went home with a bottle of wine rather than face the old Italian man who sat on the sidelines yelling criticism at all the players. When Thursday found her riding the tube to the Three Broomsticks, she comforted herself that this time tomorrow she could bury herself under her blankets and not come out for two whole days. She was just reflecting on how the blanket cocoon would also aid her in avoiding Severus and James Potter when she walked into the pub and found one of them was sitting at the bar. Lily was jerked out of her preoccupation by James' riotous laughter from his barstool perch next to Peter. Fighting the urge to turn right around and walk out, Lily instead breezed by the two, muttering a quick, "fancy seeing you here" on her way to the back to fetch her apron.

When she reemerged, the two men were unsurprisingly still in place. Peter was on his phone and James was positively beaming at her. She avoided his eyes and grabbed a rag and a bucket, skirting around the pub to clean tables. Unfortunately, it was the first fine day in over a week, and every sensible person was out enjoying biergartens and other fresh air delights imported from the Germans, not holed up in a small dark pub. After wiping down every chair and table in the place and refilling table two's water unnecessarily, Lily was forced to return to the counter and James Potter's eager face.

"Lily! What great timing! We were just talking about you. What are you up to this weekend?"

"Nothing," Lily said, carefully avoiding looking at James as she put away the rag and sani bucket, lest he prove to be as obnoxiously attractive as last Thursday.

"Excellent! Well, Peter here has something he'd like to say to you."

Peter looked up from his phone, startled, then said, "Ah, yes, could I have another lager?"

"What? NO, that's – about your birthday!"

Peter looked even more confused.

"What he's trying to say," James sighed, "is that we would _both_ be delighted and honored if you were to grace us with your presence Saturday night, at Sirius' and my place, for a celebration of Peter's twenty-fourth year on this earth."

Peter and Lily exchanged a brief look that acknowledged they were both pawns in James' game of life. It was strangely comforting.

"Are you sure _Peter_ wants to say that?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course!" James exclaimed, elbowing Peter. Subtlety, thy name is not James Potter.

"Er, yes. That'd be lovely," Peter coughed.

Lily was really too old to be playing these sorts of games, but somehow her mouth still opened and, unbidden, the words, "Thanks Peter. I'll be there," came out.

Irritated with herself, she grabbed Peter's pint glass and turned to give him a refill.

"Wonderful!" James exclaimed happily. "So, Lily, how's your week been."

Mercifully, Lily was saved from answering by the arrival of an American family, dragging three screaming children and looking very lost. Lily immediately went to go tend to them, informing them, not unkindly, that the only food they served was pickled eggs and crisps, and they'd be better off trying the hamburger joint round the corner. It took them a few minutes to rally the forces to depart, and after that Lily felt thoroughly justified in taking a moment to refill table 2's water glasses again. By the time she got back up to the bar, James and Peter had moved on to a new topic of conversation.

"I'm telling you, James, if you publish that article, they will come after you!"

"What's this?" Lily said, despite herself.

"Lily, I need your opinion on this," James said, turning the full force of his concentration onto her. Lily acknowledged, rather resignedly, that her insides knotted up pleasurably when she and James locked eyes. "I want to write an article on that creep Riddle, who showed up to your gala. Pete says Riddle'll come after me if I do. I say, if he does I'll just tell him 'Mate, you need to develop a sense of humor, not to mention human empathy and the ability to blink.' What do you say?"

Lily opened her mouth, but Peter cut her off.

"That's not all I said! I overheard some people at work talking about how Riddle has dirt on the Quibbler, and he'll spill it to the press and ruin their reputation if James keeps going with this."

This was more than Peter had ever said in Lily's presence, so she gathered that he felt very strongly about protecting his friend.

"Well, that seems like a pretty big warning light to me. I'd look into this James. Maybe ask your editor if there's anything they'd be worried about getting out to the press? Do a little bit of background research on your own company before you spill the beans on somebody else."

"Xeno Lovegood's never done anything wrong except spread conspiracy theories. It's weird, but it's not a crime. Riddle can't scare me into silence. Besides, how do we know these 'people at work' even know what they're talking about?"

"Ok, do what you like, but you're going to be sorry, and I'm going to say 'I told you so,'" muttered Peter darkly, going back to the game on his phone.

James laughed. "Lighten up Wormtail! So, Lily, about your week?"

"Awful. Please don't ask."

"Right. How about I distract you instead?"

"Fine."

Lily spent the rest of the night, not unwillingly, listening to all the ridiculous things Xeno Lovegood had done at the office. James even stayed late to help her clean up, with the result that, by the time she let herself into her flat to sleep, she felt exhausted but marginally more cheerful.

Perhaps it was because of this reminder that human contact was, in fact, necessary for basic survival and sometimes even a good thing, that Lily did not work to come up with a reason to skip Peter's party on Saturday. On the contrary, she spent far too much time getting ready for it. She pulled all of her clothes out of the wardrobe one by one, declaring each one unfit for the night ahead. The whole time she was doing so, she muttered under her breath about how she really could care less, she was only going because apparently Potter had so few friends he'd seen fit to invite _her_ (which was just pitiable), and that a _real_ feminist like McGonagall would never make such a fuss about her own appearance.

"Shallow, pathetic," she muttered furiously to herself, as yet another article of clothing joined the growing pile on her bed.

Fortunately, perhaps, for her self-esteem, the alarm on the oven went off at that moment and she ran out, clad only in a bra and pair of shorts, to rescue the rum raisin cake.

Just as she was testing the cake with a toothpick, Severus appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, holding an empty bowl. He caught sight of Lily and his eyes seemed to pop. He turned bright red, opened and closed his mouth several times wordlessly before shrinking back and retreating to the shelter of his room. Lily, still holding the cake, burst out laughing at this display. It was the first time in days that she'd laughed, and it did the trick. When she got back to her room, a dark purple dress that had previously been discarded as unacceptable suddenly seemed fine, and she pulled it on with an unexpected burst of confidence.

"I've got this," she told her reflection.

Half an hour later, she was standing outside James and Sirius' flat, clutching the rum raisin cake, the bottle of rum that was destined to sit in the middle of the cake resting in her bag. She rang the bell and, yet again, was met by the hostile and unhelpful voice of Sirius Black. She had to wonder if sitting by the front window and waiting to harass unsuspecting guests was a hobby of his.

"Who goes there?"

"It's Lily Evans."

"Lily Evans? Hmm. Not sure you were invited…"

"Oh, for God's sake, Black, let the poor girl up. We're both carrying heavy platters and I'm _starving_."

Lily turned to find a woman wearing a tight red dress, her straight dark hair swept back from her face, clutching an enormous plastic container.

"Is that the voice of Mary McDonald?"

"It is, now stop pissing around - "

"Did you bring those egg roll things?"

"I did, but yet again, you're not getting any until you can remember the proper name in Tagalog."

"Come on now, Mar-"

"Lily!?"

There was some static, and another excitable voice came over the line.

"James!" Mary instantly snapped, "Let us up this instant! Honestly, I go through this every time I come to your flat, I don't know why I bother anymore."

"Right, come on up."

There was a buzz, and the girl called Mary reached forward to seize the door handle, pulling it open and stepping back to let Lily go through first.

"Thanks. I'm Lily Evans, by the way."

"I know, I heard that buffoon say so," Mary said, jerking her chin up the stairwell and rolling her eyes.

They started to climb the stairs, and Mary shot an almost sly sideways smile at Lily.

"You're James' new friend, right?"

"I suppose," Lily agreed cautiously.

They reached the doorway at the top landing.

"Well, he's a good guy," Mary said. Then, as the door swung open to reveal Sirius, "-unlike this one!"

"Mary, mi amor."

"Sirius."

"Please please please may I have some _lumpia_?

"You looked that up."

"I did not!"

"I spend hours slaving over these, and you can't even remember one little word!"

They moved off towards the kitchen, still bickering, and revealed a smiling James in their wake.

"Lily! Wow, what's that? Is that _cake!?_ Amazing! Do you want a beer? Or perhaps some wine? Or…I mean, you don't have to drink, we have some OJ for the mixers-"

"Hold this," Lily cut him off, shoving the cake into his arms. He was startled but held it, and Lily rummaged around in her bag for the bottle of rum. Locating it, she inserted it snugly in the middle of the bundt cake.

"Cake and alcohol! What a winning combination! You came up with this in only two days?"

"It's not exactly original, James," Lily answered, but she was smiling.

"Jeez, you're going to make my present for Wormy look pathetic," James babbled, leading her into the kitchen where the food was piled.

The apartment was already full of people. Lily had shown up late, hoping that the masses of people she didn't know would all be slightly tipsy and not recognize her as the lonely new girl in town. James spoiled this plan by seizing her hand to lead her around.

"Where are we going?" she called over the music Sirius had just turned up.

"I want to find Peter, show him your present."

It ended up taking them 45 minutes to locate Peter. James snagged them both beers, then proceeded to introduce Lily to everyone they came across. From the sound of it, most of them were old friends from Hogwarts. Lily's head spun from all the names and faces, and maybe a little bit from all the attention James was giving her. He talked her up to every person they encountered, and tried to bring her in to the fold by telling her about the foolish things each person had done at school.

"I haven't heard any of _your_ fuckups," Lily pointed out, after James had finished relating in great detail how Benjy Fenwick had been caught smoking weed in his boxers in the caretaker's closet.

"I was perfect!" James declared, his chest thrust out and his glasses slightly eschew. Lily's heart thrummed stupidly even as she laughed.

"Who's perfect?" Remus and Peter sidled in at Lily's left shoulder. Remus's sleeves were rolled up and he had an arm slung around Peter's shoulder. It was the most relaxed and affectionate Lily had ever seen him.

"I am!" James declared, "Right Pete?"

"Well, you did manage to pull together a pretty good party," Peter conceded.

"Don't encourage him," Remus advised, then turned to Lily.

"Has he been trying to introduce you to everybody in the vicinity?"

"Yes," said Lily at the same time James spluttered, "No!"

Remus actually laughed this time. "He did the same thing to me after we met at Hogwarts. He's worried about you, Lily. He keeps going on about how you must be lonely. If I didn't know better, I'd say he threw this party for your benefit as much as Pete's."

Both Peter and Lily shifted uncomfortably, and it occurred to Lily that Remus may be a bit drunk. It surprised her to hear him say something so honest. Luckily James changed the topic.

"Have you seen your birthday present from Lily yet, Peter? She must have psychically intuited that rum raisin is one of your favorites. Come check it out, I really want to try a piece but you get to eat it first."

Winking at Lily and mouthing, "I'll be back," James disappeared with Peter in tow. Lily turned to find Remus eyeing her shrewdly.

"I find," he stated bluntly, "that the best way to deal with these parties is to either get drunk or talk to wallflowers."

"How about both?"

Remus smirked, and said, "Let me introduce you to Alice and Frank. I think you'll like them. Then I'll go make us some G&Ts."

Frank and Alice, it transpired, were also Hogwarts friends. They had recently gotten married and moved to Birmingham for Alice's studies and they both missed London desperately. They spent a half hour telling Lily all the places she needed to be sure to go in London – which pubs to frequent, which museums were free of charge, and which parks she could pass over. Remus stood there, sipping on his drink and keeping Lily well-supplied with alcohol.

She drifted away when Sirius hijacked the conversation, and was slightly surprised to find the room slid briefly in and out of focus. She could just make out James in the corner, talking to Marlene McKinnon, whom Lily was still determinedly avoiding since their spat at work. She felt a stab of annoyance until she remembered they were cousins. Shaking her head a little, she tottered off to the bathroom to splash some water on her face. When she came out, she was accosted by a very tall man with a bun of curly black hair and a row of shining, even teeth.

"Well hello there. I don't believe we've met. Caradoc Dearborn."

He put out a large hand for Lily to shake. She had to look up to meet his eye and swayed slightly.

"Lily Evans."

"You a friend of Pete's?"

"James, actually."

"Ah?" Caradoc's eyebrows shot up. "His _girlfriend_?"

"No!" Annoyed, she blurted out, "Why does everyone think that?"

"Well, I saw you were with him for quite a while earlier."

Had he been watching her?

"Anyway, Lily Evans, how do you know James? Are you a comedy writer too?"

"Nah, I'm a policy researcher…another sort of joke, sometimes."

Caradoc looked surprised, but then he laughed.

"Policy, eh? I guess you're out of my league."

"Ah, no need for that. I'm just a nerd who got lucky with her education. We all have our strengths. I mean, look at you! You have great…hair."

He laughed again, flashing those teeth.

"Ah, you like it? My man bun. The source of my power."

"Like Sampson."

"Exactly."

* * *

Across the room, James kept losing track of the conversation he had just been dragged into with Gideon Prewett. His eyes kept drifting to Lily, cloistered in the corner with some other bloke. He kept reminding himself that she had not come to this party with him, but he could not stop the cruel hand of jealousy from twisting his gut.

"You won't believe this!" Sirius appeared out of nowhere, flinging an arm around James' shoulder and almost knocking Gideon's drink out of his hand.

"Oy!"

"Sorry, Gid. Gather close, gather close. Oh, but I have some ironic news to share with you lads."

James drained his beer with what he hoped was cool disinterest, choosing not to indulge Sirius' insatiable appetite for an attentive audience.

"Evans – you know her, right Gid? The girl James is gaga for?"

"Gaga for? What are you, Black, 85?"

Sirius punched his arm, officially sending the luckless drink flying into Gideon's twin brother Fabian, who was fortunately too drunk to notice.

"Get me another drink and then tell us," Gideon ordered.

Sirius complied good naturedly. Once Gideon was resupplied, Sirius said, "Guess who Evans is talking football with? Caradoc Dearborn."

It took a moment, but then Gideon started cracking up.

"Is that – oh god, football? What irony. Mind you, it still stings."

Sirius elbowed James painfully in the ribs.

"What say you, Prongs?"

"I fail to see what's so funny," James said petulantly, who did not like Lily's luck with men paraded in front of him so callously.

"Wait, do you…he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember!"

Gideon howled even louder.

"What are you on about?"

"The name Caradoc Dearborn doesn't ring any bells, James? A-levels? Blimey, you're worse than I am." Sirius shook his head, discouraged that his joke had fallen so flat, and Gideon took over.

"The captain of the Ravenclaw football team. Your first _boyfriend_?"

And so it all came flooding back to James with cruel clarity: the whirlwind romance conducted over scrawled pages of football tactics. The heartless way Caradoc had used his knowledge of Gryffindor tactics against James, captain of the team, in the final match. The way James had been forced to publically break up with him…out of honor, of course.

"Ah, the way you threw that hissy fit on the field after they'd beaten us? Priceless."

"You have to wonder how he could have forgotten it, Gid. Blinded by love."

"Or was it lust?"

"Judging by that time Pince discovered them in the library, I don't think you can really separate the two."

"I hate you both," James spat. "I had wiped that memory from my memory and here you go, digging it back up."

"You dated a string of football players that next year, if I recall correctly. Next it was Deneisha Thomas - "

"Ah, I'd forgotten about her. She was on the girls' team, though, so she couldn't use James' insatiable need to share Quidditch schemes against him."

"She did, though, remember? She sold his tactic papers to the Hufflepuffs!"

"Still won that year," James grunted.

"James, you wouldn't be a good host if you didn't greet all your guests," Gideon put in slyly.

Sirius latched on immediately, both to the idea and to James' arm.

"Clear the way, clear the way!" he trumpeted tipsily, half dragging James along behind him.

Gideon followed, grabbing James by the scruff of the neck when he tried to fight his way loose. By the time they'd reached the corner where Lily and Caradoc were cloistered, James had internally resigned himself to eternal bachelorhood, because Sirius would never have it any other way.

"Caradoc!" Sirius bellowed. "Just the man I was hoping to see!"

Caradoc looked up, and his eyes immediately narrowed suspiciously at the sight of James and Sirius. James didn't notice, however, because Lily was giving him a smile of such sunshiny sincerity that he was thinking (hoping) he may have been wrong about the eternal bachelorhood thing.

"How long's it been, Caradoc?" Sirius drawled loudly. "Four, maybe five years? You know, I've often wished to consult you on football. You know an awful lot about football, don't you Caradoc?"

"You played football, didn't you James?" asked Lily, who was still looking at him glowingly.

"Indeed he did," Sirius supplied, leaning almost offensively close to Lily's face. "And do you know who his main rival was?"

"Oh for God's sake, Caradoc and I dated, we were both captains, blah blah drama – Lily, would you like to step over here for a moment?"

It was a blessing and a curse, James reflected, that everyone was so drunk, because he managed to remove both himself and Lily from their midst before anyone could really process what was happening. He had grabbed her hand to pull her out of the crowd, but let go when they reached the hallway, which was less crowded. He stopped halfway down and turned to find her with her hand on his doorknob.

"What-what are you doing?"

"I want to see your room. Can I?"

"I…s'pose."

She nodded and let herself in. James followed.

"How'd you know this one was mine?"

She just shrugged, flicking on the light and looking around. James breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw it was relatively clean and free of humiliating items, and she turned at the sound.

"Thanks for rescuing me."

"From what?"

"Caradoc. He was nice at first, but all that football talk got boring."

"Well, technically it was Sirius who rescued you."

"I'd rather thank you," she said, moving closer.

James felt a sudden, inexplicable surge of nerves up his body, and he moved slightly away from her to sit on the bed, clearing his throat.

"Yeah, well, he really just wanted to take the mickey out of me."

"Because you used to date Caradoc? Was he uncomfortable with that?" she asked, looking around to examine his posters.

"Well…at first. He's over it now. I've dated enough people – men and women – that he's _had_ to get over it. Leaving his family helped too. But it was more…because Caradoc was talking to _you_."

She looked at him curiously, and he felt his heart thrum loudly in his chest. Did he dare?

"Why?"

"Well…"

"Is it because," Lily drifted slowly closer. "He knows I like you?"

Heat flooded every one of James' extremities, and he stopped breathing.

"S-sorry?"

Lily blushed, and he was certain he was doing the same.

"I mean…as a friend."

It was such a poor cover up, and yet James began doubting his initial assumptions at once. There was an uncomfortable silence now, stretching like an elastic band, and James longed to move closer, but some absurd power was pinning him to the bed. Normally, he'd have moved to kiss her by now; James always felt the buildup to a kiss was a painful, awkward waste of time, and that if it was going to happen, one was better off getting it out of the way early on. But he felt an electric current between them, and the anticipation was a sort of delicious torture.

"So, you and Caradoc were football captains?"

"That's right," said James, half of his brain on the conversation and half on the way she perched herself lightly on the bed next to him. "He was in Ravenclaw, I was in Gryffindor."

"And his team beat yours?"

"They did. Could've been worse. Could've been Slytherin. Not that I'd date a Slytherin."

"Why?"

"Gryffindor and Slytherin – we're sort of archenemies."

"That's the house Severus was in."

She said it quietly, almost more to herself, but James immediately felt the atmosphere in the room shift. She didn't move physically away from him, but he felt the gulf between them widen. Or was he making it all up?

"Yeah, well, they're not all bad, Slyther-"

"Sev would hate it if he knew I was here."

"Lucky it's not up to him where you go."

"It's not up to him, is it? And yet…"

James couldn't think of anything to say. He felt like he was intruding on a conversation Lily was having with herself; she was wrestling with something he couldn't offer his opinion on. He had just opened his mouth with no idea of what he was going to say when Lily moved suddenly and there was the press of her lips against his own – a sweet, heady rush. And then she was gone.

 _I'm back! As one reviewer pointed out, I have not been updating weekly as I hoped. I'm a busy lady. I'm sure you all have very fulfilling lives and get on just fine without my weekly updates. On a different note, this story did just get a lot more relevant with the new advances made to CRISPR technology – the website won't let me post a link, but google it. Interesting stuff._


	11. Chapter 11

The first thing Lily did when she woke up the next morning was stumble to the kitchen to chug two large glasses of water and pour another to take back to her room with her. Hangovers were foul. The second thing she did was start a list of all the reasons why she couldn't date James Potter. Lily was a capital list maker.

 _Why I can't date James Potter:_

 _1._ _Sev would feel so betrayed. Sev was my best friend long before James "I'm so witty and unfairly good looking" Potter drifted into my life. Sev should have first priority, even if he has been a prick lately._

 _2._ _Sirius. He hates me. And he's James' best friend. Doomed from the start._

 _3._ _I have two jobs. As in no time for this nonsense. I need to focus on my career and on making actual friends, not hanging around platonically with people I secretly want to shag._

 _4._ _James can be an actual moron. I mean, yes, he's generally on the right side of the big things, but on an individual basis, he's been a bully, and he doesn't really seem that regretful._

When it was completed she sat back and surveyed her handiwork. Sadly, it didn't make her feel any better. She threw the paper aside and rolled out of bed again, giving into the pounding behind her temples. She needed fresh air and she needed something greasy.

Half an hour later, Lily stepped out of the shop down the street, tantalizing smells curling out from the oil-spotted paper in her hand. She started to walk, taking an enormous bite of pie as she went and burning the top of her mouth. She tried to just walk and not acknowledge the fact that her feet were leading her towards the tube stop. _I will not go see James, I will not go see James_ , she muttered to herself. _I will walk right past that tube stop and I will not get on and I will not go see –_

"Lily!"

Her heart stopped. She squinted ahead. Emerging from the tube stop was James. Typical.

"I was just coming to see you!"

He got closer and she tried to avoid looking at him by taking an enormous bite of pie. Unfortunately, that meant she was unable to say hello. They stood there in awkward silence for a moment, then James held out something wrapped in butcher paper.

"I brought you a sandwich."

Lily, mouth full of pie, raised an eyebrow at him.

"You can save it for later."

Lily swallowed with difficulty. "What kind is it?"

"BLT."

"That's my favorite."

"I know."

Lily raised an eyebrow at him.

"You…mentioned it at some point."

She nodded slowly.

"So, do you want to walk to the park or something?"

"I, uh, I suppose so."

They started to walk together, buffered by an extremely uncomfortable silence.

"So…did you have fun last night?" James asked.

 _This is not happening, this is_ not _happening._ Lily coughed.

"Ah, yes. You have very…exuberant friends."

"I like them."

"Clearly."

There was another silence. Lily _really_ hadn't wanted to see him before she'd had a chance to sort out her own feelings. Whenever she was around him, her judgement got clouded in a way she didn't trust.

"Why'd you come to see me?" she said, without really considering how unfriendly it would sound.

"Well…you're my friend. I just wanted to see you. If that's ok."

"I mean, you could have called."

James looked surprised by her coldness. "Well, to be honest, I hadn't entirely decided yet whether I was actually going to go through with it. Still working up the nerve."

Lily was thrown off by his bluntness, per usual. He seemed able to wear his heart on his sleeve so effortlessly, as if he wasn't laying himself bare for her perusal. It almost made her jealous.

James cleared his throat. "What are you doing out here?"

She held up her pie. "I was hungry. And I wanted to get out of my apartment, I suppose."

"How are things with Snape?"

Lily shot him a suspicious sideways glance. "Why do you ask?"

"Just asking, no agenda. Wondering how you're settling in."

"He's - " Lily hesitated. She had been about to answer honestly, but she normally preferred to keep her friend issues private, especially when the person asking was James Potter. "We're fine."

James walked in front of her, turning around and walking backwards so they were facing each other.

"Lily…what's up?"

"The sky."

"Har har. Seriously, what's going on?"

"Well, if you must know, I'm not talking to Severus now. I don't like the way he's been behaving," she answered, purposefully ignoring the more general nature of the question.

She thought for a moment James looked disappointed, but she may have been imagining it. "Sorry to hear that."

She shrugged. "His choice."

"Maybe he just needs time. Like, he wants you to be a part of his life here, but he needs to figure out how that's going to work. I mean, you were friends from a very different time and place, right?" He was looking at her shrewdly, and Lily wondered whether he was really talking about Severus. She decided to change the topic.

"How are _your_ friends. Have Sirius and Peter gotten over their fight?"

Now it was James' turn to avoid her eyes. She watched him closely, wondering if he was going to be honest with her.

"It's…complicated. They're able to be in the same room together now."

"You mean _Sirius_ is able to be in the same room as Peter."

Lily watched as the bewilderment on James' face started to transform into hostility. Lily almost felt relieved – maybe she was picking a fight to avoid having an awkward conversation with him, or maybe she was taking out her horrible week on him. Either way, it felt like some steam was being let out from a valve inside of her.

"What's your problem with Sirius?"

"What's his problem with me?"

"I-what?"

"Oh, don't play dumb. Sirius doesn't like me, he's made that perfectly clear."

"Yeah, well, you won't even admit to Snape that we're friends. At least I try to forgive my friends for their bad moments."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're demanding, Lily, you can't deny it!"

"Demanding?!"

"Demanding of yourself, demanding of your friends. I mean, Jesus, you and Snape have been friends for what, 15 years? And you move down here and he won't spend as much time as you want him to, or introduce you to his friends when you want him to, and you freak out. I mean, God help me, I never thought I'd be defending Snape, but do you do that to everybody, Lily? Cut them off when they mess up once?"

"Once? What the hell do you know, you haven't been in our flat for all of our fights!"

"Fine, but sometimes I feel like you're spending time with me just to get some sort of revenge on him."

"Why the fuck are you defending Severus?"

"I don't _know_ ," James roared, surprising both of them. "It's just…I don't even know why you're here right now. You seem to just keep tolerating me because you haven't had a reason to cut me off yet. You are so fast to judge and so slow to forgive."

"Well maybe people just have to earn my trust."

"But how the fuck will I earn it, Lily?"

"I'm confused, is this about you or Severus?"

"How do I know you won't just drop me like you've dropped Snape? You've barely known me a month."

"I didn't _drop_ Sev, James. Stop talking about things you don't understand."

And then they were silent. Everything they had said hung in the air, along with several things left unsaid.

"I haven't dropped Severus. But if I do, James, it will be because I want to, not because I can't forgive him."

"Why not?"

"He's…not the person I thought he was. He's not honest with me. That's what I need, above all. Honesty. Listen, James, I know I'm hard on people. It's how I am. It's who I am. If you don't want that, you should leave now."

"I'm not saying I don't want it Lily, I just – I need to know where we stand. I need to know…if we're friends. And I know we didn't get off to the best start, and I know maybe our best friends hate that we're friends. But…I like you. And I still want to be your friend – I want to make it work. But to be your friend, we have to trust each other, and I have to know that you want to be _my_ friend. And I don't know that."

James' voice was quieting now, and Lily found something in her unknitting. Maybe she hadn't wanted a fight, after all. Maybe she'd just wanted an excuse to be honest, for once, instead of always holding her cards so close to her chest.

"All I'm saying. Lily, is that you can't go through life ready to be disappointed."

"I don't."

"And we have to learn to work through the differences between us. I may not understand, experientially, what you've gone through or what you're going through. But I am willing to listen. I just wish I knew whether you were willing to talk."

"I am, James," she said, realizing as she did so that it was the truth. "But you can't expect me to be perfect overnight."

"I don't expect that – I would _never_ expect that!"

"Then what do you want?"

"I just want to know that – that you _want_ to keep trying to be friends. That you put up with me and my mistakes and my stupidities because you want to, because you're getting something out of spending time with me. I feel like I keep being as honest as I can with you, and you never open up."

"I take longer than you do."

"Fine."

"But…sometimes I feel like you're the demanding one. This – everything in my life right now is new. Everything except Severus, I suppose. And that makes me…guarded. But I _do_ like you. I enjoy spending time with you. When you're not being a prat."

"Well, I could call you a self-righteous know-it-all, but I won't."

"Because that would be more hurtful than all the shit we've just said?"

"Because it's not true. You're just trying to disguise your insecurities. You're just as imperfect as the rest of us."

"You caught me."

"I'm imperfect too."

"I know."

"I'm a horrible human being sometimes."

"I know. I heard the stories."

"I'm letting my friends down, because I can't hold us together. I don't listen to Remus enough. I don't talk to Peter enough. I don't tell off Sirius when he's being stupid."

"You can't fix everything, James."

"But I can't stop trying."

"Sometimes you've got to. Sometimes giving up, at least temporarily, is the only thing for it. You've got to learn to give up, sometimes."

"You've got to learn to depend on people."

"I depend on you to try your bad hand at semi-accurate psychological analyses."

"I'm cheaper than therapy."

"Are you, though? Because I'm pretty sure therapy doesn't give people headaches."

"But it doesn't give them free sandwiches either."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too."

Another silence. Longer than the last. Finally, taking a deep breath, Lily broke it.

"So. I'm…sorry. For being pissy since the first moment I saw you today. And for being judgmental about your friends. From now on, I'll try harder at being open with you about how I'm feeling so it doesn't volcano up every once in a while. And I will tell Severus that we're friends."

James' face broke into a grin. Lily didn't quite feel like smiling yet, but the next moment he had pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry, too," he said, speaking into her hair. "For saying you aren't patient enough with Snape – that was really low of me - "

"And also really out of character," Lily piped up from where her face was pressed into James' chest. She could feel his chuckle vibrate in his chest. She shivered and pulled away.

"Yeah. I was projecting what's going on with my friends, but it's a totally different situation. You deserve way better than the way he's been treating you. And I promise I'll talk to Sirius about not being an asshole around you."

They started walking again, closer than they'd been before, and Lily felt the knot in her chest loosen. She finally felt like someone in London was on her side.

"So, while we're being honest with each other…wanna talk about that kiss?" James said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Not a chance."

James laughed.

* * *

Lily started that week with a far more cheerful outlook than the previous Monday. It didn't escape her notice that when she fought with James they ended it with the air far clearer and grievances redressed, whereas when she fought with Severus it felt like the list of forbidden topics just got longer. She tried not to dwell on it, however. Denial was healthy sometimes. Instead, she buried herself in work. She left late on Wednesday in a haze of exhaustion. She was so lost in thoughts of how comfortable her bed was going to feel at home that she almost didn't register the sound of her own name.

"Evans? Lily Evans?"

She looked up. A man – about her own age, or maybe a little younger – was waiting by the streetlight just outside her office. He was wiry, with closely-cropped black hair. He looked shifty and uncertain, and Lily was immediately wary.

"Do I know you?"

"I'm a friend of Snape's."

Lily felt a jolt of fear.

"What's wrong with him? Is he hurt?"

"What? Snape? No, he's – he doesn't know I'm here."

Lily reverted right back to suspicious.

"How do you know who I am?"

He shrugged noncommittally. "Look, can we go somewhere a little more private?"

"I don't think so."

He was surprised by her hostility, and the emotion made him look younger, naïve. Lily stayed firm.

"Whatever you need to say, you can say it right here."

"I – oh fine," he spat, his eyes darting around. "I need your help."

"Why don't you start with your name?"

He hesitated. Finally, "Regulus Black," and all at once Lily realied that she'd heard his voice before - arguing with Severus in the apartment. She wasn't sure if it was just because she was looking for it, but she could also see something of Sirius in his nose and cheekbones, as well as the relentlessly darting eyes, although Sirius was certainly the handsomer of the two. Although still guarded, Lily felt slightly more relaxed knowing he was genuinely a friend of Severus'.

"What do you need?"

"You work here, right?" Regulus said, indicating the Phoenix Foundation building behind Lily. She nodded.

"You do, immigration law and stuff?" Lily hid her smirk and nodded again.

He rocked a bit on his heels, stealing himself, then spit out, "I need you to talk to somebody at a detention centre."

Lily arched an eyebrow, but finally acquiesced to her curiosity. "Let's walk. We can go to a pub. While we walk, why don't you get a little more specific." Regulus gave a jerky nod.

"So," Lily began. You want to get into a detention centre - "

"Not me," he interrupted quickly. "I can't. I need someone else to go, someone who won't be out of place." His tone was aggressive, but it couldn't be plainer that he was completely out of his depth, this rich boy from an old British family.

"And what do you need this person to do?"

"Give a note to someone who's in there."

"Why don't you send a letter or an email?"

"Communication's monitored. Never know who's watching."

Lily gestured for them to enter a pub they were passing. They sat in a secluded corner and Lily took her time pouring over the draft menu, trying to gather her thoughts. She needed more information, but Regulus' demeanor told her she'd have to handle him delicately so as not to send him running.

"This sounds very spy novel-like. So what's in it for me?"

"Money. £200."

Lily's eyes widened. Her instinct told her nothing good could come of getting mixed up in this. Regulus seemed to sense he was losing her, because he swallowed then said, "Look, it isn't anything illegal. It's just, my company owns the centre - "

"T.M. Riddle?" Lily interrupted, shocked. Regulus looked like he wanted to swallow his words. He grimaced, then seemed to decide he was in too far to stop now.

"I need to get a message to someone in there…a friend…and I don't want my superiors to know I'm communicating with someone who is in the country illegally."

"Why not? It's not a crime. What are your bosses going to do, fire you because you're friends with someone who's undocumented?"

"Maybe…"

Lily scoffed. "Please, I don't buy it, you're going to have to do better than that."

Regulus started to look desperate. "You don't understand! Half my family works for Riddle, if any of them got wind – I'm trying to _protect_ someone."

Lily had to keep herself from snorting. Of course it came down to xenophobia. She shouldn't be surprised, after what James had told her about Sirius' family.

"So, this friend. Are you trying to get them out?"

"Ideally."

"Why not go to Sirius? You know he doesn't hate immigrants."

Regulus' face seemed to crumple. "Go to Sirius? Yeah, right." He gave a harsh bark of laughter that sounded suddenly like his brother. "He'd kick me out before I could open my mouth, and probably give me a black eye for my trouble."

"Why not James, then? I know you know him from school, and I'm certain he wouldn't give you a black eye. Plus his father is high up and knows many more important people than a 23-year-old who's knew to London. I may research immigration, but I'm not a solicitor. About the most I could do would be to get a note to them."

Regulus opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked trapped. He started to drink more beer, then put his pint down suddenly, looking Lily in the face for the first time.

"Wait, how do _you_ know Sirius and James?"

A whirl of fake stories shot through Lily's head, but she pushed them firmly aside. She wasn't lying anymore.

"James is my friend."

Regulus looked unabashedly shocked. "You…and James Potter? And Snape lets - "

"It's not up to Severus who I'm friends with," said Lily in a steely voice.

"I'm just…surprised." If she wasn't much mistaken, Regulus' lip was curling in something resembling a sneer. "I wouldn't have thought Snape would want his girlfriend - "

"Hold it, his _what_?!"

"I mean, you and Snape - "

"Who told you that?"

Regulus was definitely sneering now.

"I mean, we all assumed. Snape kept you closeted away in that flat, wouldn't let any of us meet you. We just thought you must be his, well, with him."

Lily felt sick. If that's what Sev's friends thought about her, what did _he_ think. She had never entertained the idea that he felt anything more for her than friendship. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding. She was done with detective work; she was only finding out things she didn't want to know.

"Fine. I'll do my best." She held out her hand. "Where's that note."

Regulus hesitated, his smirk gone now.

"Well, this is what you came for, right?" she bit out impatiently.

He finally concurred, reaching into his pocket and pulling out an envelope with the name "Dorcas Meadowes, The Manor Detention Centre, Rickmansworth, UK" printed neatly on the front.

"That's sealed, and if you open it - "

"I'm not going to open your note," Lily snapped.

"Fine. Let me give you my mobile. Text me when you've delivered it and I'll get you the money."

Lily intoned her mobile number and tucked the envelope into her bag, feeling like the whole thing was slightly surreal. She still wasn't sure what she'd just agreed to, or whether she'd come to regret getting involved.


	12. Chapter 12

James Potter was having a Very Good Week. First, he was finally feeling confident in his relationship with Lily; sure, he didn't know _what_ they were, exactly, but he knew Lily was still along for the ride, and that was what mattered. Second, he was on the trail of what he felt in his bones was going to be a good story. Riddle would never know what had hit him. Sure, he was having difficulty uncovering anything suspicious. And of course, the one friend who might have been of any help – Peter – was stubbornly insisting that he didn't know about anything fishy going on at Riddle's company and repeating dire warnings that James was going to regret ever getting involved. But James was not the type to give up easily. When he smelled a challenge, he dug his heels in. His father might call him mulish, but James couldn't think of a time when this trait hadn't served him well, either as a reporter or a person.

His efforts were rewarded, or so he felt, when he received a call from Lily Wednesday night.

"James?"

"Lily! What's up? Sirius is out and I was just about to get take away, want to come over?"

"Yes please, I have some information for you. For your article."

"What?! What is it?"

"I'll only divulge it if you'll feed me. I'll be there in 20 minutes."

"Food'll be waiting."

When she arrived, James saw the top of her dark auburn head from his seat by the window. Sirius would have snorted in disgust, but his heart jumped in excitement at the sight of her, and not just because she'd promised a lead. He buzzed her up and she came in, dressed in a cream blouse and red skirt and looking breathless and beautiful. James moved to hug her, but lost his nerve at the last moment and took her coat instead. He thought from her smirk she might have noticed.

"I hope you're hungry," he blurted out, to distract from his sudden, unexplained bout of nervousness.

"Starving. I was delayed eating by a very strange visitor."

"Food first, then you can tell me."

"What a thoughtful reporter."

"I try."

Because he was trying to impress her, he transferred the food out of the Styrofoam containers into ceramic bowls and got them real silverware. While he was doing this, Lily poked her head into the kitchen.

"Can I borrow one of your shirts? I don't know why I bother wearing white, it's a magnet for food stains."

"Help yourself – you know where my room is."

"Sure you don't have anything to hide?" she called as she disappeared down the hall. James did an only slightly frantic internal review of his room.

"Yep. All clean in there," he called back, picking up both bowls with one hand and two beers in the other and carrying them to the kitchen table.

Lily padded back into the kitchen barefoot; apparently she had removed her stockings and shoes. She was also clad in his old Hogwarts football jersey. It hung to almost the bottom of her skirt.

"Look, my skirt matches!" she said, twirling around so the red skirt flared out from under the red and gold jersey. James did his best not to gulp.

"Food!" he said, turning quickly back to the table.

"Food," Lily agreed, taking a seat. "Mmm, chicken vindaloo."

James cracked open the beer, took a swig, and tore off a piece of naan.

"So," Lily said, "I met Sirius' little brother today."

James choked on the large bite he'd just taken. "Excuse me?"

"I told you I had something to tell you" (He had honestly forgotten that she had) "Well, he waylaid me after work today. Said he needed help."

"He needed – are we talking about the same Regulus Black?"

"The very same."

"Are you sure."

"Of course I'm sure! He admitted he was. And besides, he looks a lot like Sirius."

"Yeah, I guess he does. I – Jesus. What did he want?"

"He wants me to deliver this," she drew a white envelope out of the bag slumped up against her chair leg, "to someone named Dorcas Meadowes at 'The Manor.'"

"What's that?"

"Likely the most pretentious name for a detention centre ever. It's in Rickmansworth."

"A detention – like, a place where the hold immigrants?"

"Yeah. And – get this – it's privatized and guess who owns it?"

"Who – oh you're kidding."

He could feel his eyes widen as Lily nodded slowly. "T.M. Riddle. The company, that is. Not the man."

James leaned back and let out a long, low whistle. "Well, then. A biotech company. Why…? Huh. Shit, Lily. You did more detective work in one night than I did in a week and a half."

"I didn't have to do anything. He came to me."

"Yeah, and that's another thing I don't get. Why did he go to you? I mean, Blacks _never_ ask for help. It's practically their family motto. And if they absolutely have to, it's in a quiet back room and a lot of cash exchanges hands."

"Well, that's kind of what happened here. We were in a pub and he's paying me 200 quid to do it."

"Look at you. A regular white collar criminal. But seriously – _why you_?"

"You know, I never really got that out of him. I mean at first he said it's because I work at an immigration NGO, so I guess I wouldn't look fishy at a detention centre. I pressed him about why he didn't go to Sirius, or to you, but…" She trailed off, suddenly very intent on chasing a piece of chicken around her plate.

"And, what did he say?" James prompted.

She frowned; was it the light, or was she blushing? "I got distracted. He said…well, he called me Severus' girlfriend."

James' insides turned over and he tried not to recoil. "What?!"

She didn't make eye contact, concentrating instead on scooping up some more sauce. "You see why I was distracted."

James immediately had to swallow back about a hundred responses because he sensed that Lily would welcome none of them.

"This is something I have to talk to Severus about. It's _not_ something I want to discuss with anyone else, particularly you."

James felt a strange mixture of anger, hurt, and hope at this. Should he probe a bit further? Probably not a good idea, but, he _was_ James Potter.

"You don't want to talk to me because of my history with Snape or because…of something else?"

"I just don't," she said stubbornly. "Anyway, maybe Regulus was just making it up. Yeah, that could be it! He could have just been trying to distract me from asking him more about his motives."

James (wisely) restrained himself from saying anything this time. After he'd gotten over his initial wave of revulsion at the idea, was feeling more and more certain that this was likely how Snape wished things were with Lily. He wouldn't put it past the little blighter to go around _implying_ to his friends that he was dating a girl who was _obviously_ way out of his league. Or at least James thought so.

"Anyway, that's not the important part. The important part is – what will we do about it?"

"We?"

"Well, I mean, you're writing an article on Riddle, aren't you?"

"Oh, right."

"Oh, oh, you know what you should do!" Lily's legs had been tucked under her, but now she sat up on her knees, her face aglow. "You should find a way to get into The Manor! Like a real investigative journalist!"

"What, you mean like, sneak in?"

"No, there are legal ways to get in. There are lawyers that volunteer their time at detention centres to help the detainees out. One of Dumbledore's friend does it, I bet you could go along to take notes for him or something."

James considered the idea. Investigative journalism did appeal to his love of danger, not to mention his flair for the dramatic. "Ok, I'll do it. Put me in touch with this friend of Dumbledore's and I'm there."

They spent the rest of the evening theorizing about what Regulus wanted (Lily wouldn't let him sneak a peek at the letter). When she got up to leave around 10 o'clock, James tried to convince her to stay in his room ("I'll sleep on the couch!") but she laughed and said she didn't want to go to work the next day in the same set of clothes, so unless he had some professional women's attire lying around ("Sirius might have some in his room, I can check!"), she'd better be going.

* * *

The next morning, James called Peter from the bus.

"Peter, my old man!"

"I'm at work, James."

"Already? Early start. What a working stiff you've become. Well, I'll be quick. Have you heard anyone at work mention a place called 'The Manor'?"

There was a pause, then a cough and he heard a rustling. Pete's voice came, more distant, "I'll be right back, got to take this, it's my mum."

 _Not your mum_ , James groaned in his head, _Never make an excuse about it being your mum unless you want your coworkers to chew you up and spit you out. Honestly, how_ did _Pete survive in the real world without the other Marauders to protect him?_

There came the sound of footsteps, then Peter's voice rematerialized at the other end of the line.

"You're not still pursuing Riddle, are you?"

"Why, yes I am," James responded casually. "Are you surprised?"

He could almost see Peter's look of resignation, the same one he'd had so many times before being dragged into some antics that were sure to land him in detention.

"No, of course not. You never listen to my advice."

"What are you talking about Wormtail?"

"If it was Sirius or Remus telling you to drop it, you would, but with me you just – never mind. No, James, I haven't heard any talk about any manors, and I'm not going to bother any more with giving you warnings."

"Pete!" said James, startled. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I have to get back to work."

And he rang off.

Despite this rather off-putting start to the day, James was determined to be productive. He did, however, make a mental note to talk to Remus about Peter later. He was trying to rely on Remus' emotion translation skills less these days, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and he really didn't understand what Peter was so upset about.

Since he had not had ample success investigating Riddle's present, he decided to dig into his past a bit. It took him a while to locate his CV – he supposed when you were mega-rich and owned your own company, there wasn't really a need to make it widely available. When he finally did locate it, he nearly fell out of his chair. Riddle had attended Hogwarts. _James_ had attended Hogwarts! It was his second home, the boarding school where he'd met Sirius, Remus and Peter. He knew it didn't matter – it was one of the premier schools in the country, and they'd attended so many years apart. But it still felt creepy to have any sort of shared history with the man.

James snapped off his headphones; he needed tea. He was waiting for the kettle to boil when it suddenly occurred to him – this was a good thing, a _very_ good thing! He had connections at Hogwarts; if it came down to it, he could show up at the library to search through old school student records and, as a donating alumni, nobody would kick him out! He needed to stop pouting and turn this connection to his advantage.

He spent the rest of the morning calling old school connections. School gossips, retired professors; he even tried a conversation with Madame Pince, the school librarian whose suspicious nature prevented James from extracting any real information from her. He didn't learn anything relevant to Riddle's current company, or to the mysterious Manor, but what he did uncover would certainly add background colour. Riddle had been a Prefect and Head Boy at Hogwarts, but afterwards had worked in a small chemistry lab and then disappeared to work abroad for several years. When he returned to Britain the once penniless orphan was flush with cash obtained in mysterious circumstances and ready to start his own biotech company.

James had to work on his other articles and responsibilities in the afternoon, but he left feeling satisfied and hopeful, a mood that was buoyed by a text from Lily that read "Emailed Moody (Dumbledore's mate). He said he goes to the Manor sometimes and he can always use an extra scribe. He'll be in touch." He stopped by Sirius' mechanic shop that evening to check out a new motorcycle Sirius was working on. Afterwards they went out for a pint and James forgot all about checking in on Peter.

James didn't arrive at work until ten past nine the next day; he'd overslept and had badly needed a shower to wash the smell of alcohol from his pores after the previous night. When he did walk in, there was a moment when he wondered whether he had stumbled onto the wrong floor. All of his coworkers were on their feet, cramming papers and notes and laptops and tea mugs and photographs into plastic shopping bags. The door to Xeno's office was open and James could spot several people in uniform inside, riffling through his boss' papers. Xeno himself was nowhere to be seen.

James gaped. "What's going on?"

"Ah, James Potter. So glad you could join us."

James swiveled towards the source of the voice. There, standing in the back corner of the office and surveying the hubbub with a look of smug satisfaction, was Lucius Malfoy.

"What's happening?" James repeated stupidly.

"Well, as citizens of this great city, we all have an investment in making sure our business owners play fair. It came to Mr. Riddle's attention that Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood hasn't paid his taxes in almost a decade. Not the sort of behaviour we want from Londoners, is it?"

James looked around frantically. His eyes landed on Alfie Pritchard, who was painstakingly wrapping his collection of Venus Flytraps in old editions of the Quibbler, eyes downcast.

"Alfie. This isn't – this can't - "

Alfie glanced up at James and gave a small shake of his head. Then he went back to wrapping his plants without saying anything more.

"It's true, James." Bertha Jorkins piped up. She worked at the desk across from James and drove him absolutely barking. "You'd better get your stuff packed. They said they want us out of here by 10."

James' instinct was to fight back, to shout and rage and storm, but looking around at his coworkers' defeated faces, the reality sunk in. There was no fighting this one. At least not by shouting at law enforcement officials.

He gave Lucius Malfoy a disdainful look. "What are you, Riddle's pet dog, running around doing his bidding? Going to run back to report to him later?"

"Not smart, Potter. Mr. Riddle has a long memory, and so do I. You're the one who will need favours. It seems you've lost your job."

James desperately wanted to snap back that he'd never ask a favour from Riddle even if he was destitute, but he caught Alfie's eye. His editor shot James a warning glare; for such a quiet, mild-mannered man, Alfie had mastered his death look. With an enormous amount of effort, James swallowed and turned his back on Malfoy's smirk.

His clearing up mainly consisted of scooping all the crumpled paper and scratched out drafts and lists of headline brainstorms straight into his bag. He was too angry to do any organizing. He put all of his computer files and article drafts onto a USB drive, poured out his mug, and, lastly, snapped his noise-cancelling headphones onto his head. At five to ten, he and most of the office tramped out past Malfoy together. James stuffed his hands in his pockets to resist the urge to flip Malfoy off.

Outside, they all turned to one another. Now that they were no longer in the office, were standing outside with their working lives crammed into their bags and no idea of where to go next, it started to sink in that they were all really, truly unemployed.

"Wonder if they'll get us unemployment," Ruby said dully.

"They have to, it's the law."

"Ah, fuck this," Alfie said suddenly. James looked up in surprise. He'd never heard Alfie swear before. "Let's go to the pub."

No one was about to raise any objections, so they all moved as one towards the Hog's Head, the dingy pub on the corner where they'd celebrated many happier days. The bartender, Aberforth, didn't look remotely surprised to see them, nor interested to know why they were all ordering stouts before noon. They all settled around two adjoining tables, nursing their pints in silence. A few minutes passed where they all avoided one another's eyes, before Bertha burst out, "This is rubbish!"

It was as though a dam had broken. Everyone was speaking at once, talking over each other,

"I can't believe this! Is this even legal, to kick up out with no warning?"

"How am I going to pay my rent? I _need_ this job!"

"Why did Xeno do this to us? The stupid fucker, did he think he could get away with it?"

"Do you think our names will be blacklisted?"

"I'm going to have to move back to fucking _Liverpool_."

"How did Riddle find out," James muttered. Leo, who was right next to him, shrugged.

"How did Riddle find out?" James repeated, more loudly this time, just as everyone else began to quiet down. They all looked up.

"Who knows?" said Ruby, with a shrug that clearly conveyed "who cares?".

"Riddle's well connected. So is Malfoy. Maybe they heard something."

"Maybe they've known it for a while," said Bertha in a conspiratorial voice. "Maybe they were just waiting for the right time to strike. Who knows. Maybe Xeno did something to piss them off."

It was like an ice cube had slipped down James' spine. It couldn't – _it couldn't_ be connected to his article…could it?

"Was Xeno in this morning?"

"Presumably. But the coppers were there when we showed up, so they'd probably always taken him away. He was probably sleeping at his desk again, the poor fuck."

James stomach began to twist. He put his stout down – he suddenly felt sick.

"I'll tell you one thing," Leo said loudly, "I'm never going over to The Leek!"

Most people murmured in assent at the sound of their arch rival.

"Don't speak to soon," Alfie said darkly, speaking up for the first time. "You never know where you'll go in six months' time, when you can barely make rent."

James stood up. He fished around in his bag for a moment, extracted his wallet with difficulty from beneath the mountain of papers, and threw down a couple of pounds.

"I'm going…" he trailed off, unsure of where he was going. The others gaped up at him, and he suddenly realized that he wouldn't see them all tomorrow morning. His gut twisted.

"We'll see each other again," said Bertha slightly breathlessly. The others nodded, though it was clear from the looks on their faces that they weren't entirely convinced.

"Yeah," said James. "We will, soon. Keep in touch." And he left before anybody could respond.

* * *

Two days later, James was lying in bed, sans trousers, surfing mindlessly on the web, when he heard a knock on the door. He looked up in mild surprise. Sirius would never have knocked, and the Peter or Remus likely wouldn't have either.

"Come in."

The door swung open, and in walked Lily. James gaped. Lily blushed bright red and averted her eyes.

"Lily!"

"Ah, James. You might want to put some trousers on."

"I - " James let out what Sirius would later assure him had been a yelp. He scrambled around in his drawers for a pair of reasonably clean looking trousers, all the time fluently apologizing for his indecency.

"I'm so sorry Lily, I had no clue it was you, thought it was one of the lads, completely inappropriate - "

"It's fine, James," Lily said, still averting her eyes. "I lounge around in my knickers too, you know."

James briefly paused in the middle of frantically pulling on his trousers to breathe deeply and exorcise himself of the mental image. Lily chuckled rather wickedly.

"So, uh, what are you doing here?" James said, when he'd finally manage to rescue his decency. Lily lowered the hand that had been in front of her eyes.

"I wanted to see you. You've been ignoring my texts."

"Uh, what texts?"

"Don't lie, James. I can see that you've read them. I would be offended, except I called Remus first, and he told me what happened."

"Right."

"So…how are you?"

James coughed. "I- how do you think I am?"

"Pouting."

"What?!" James spluttered.

"You're lying here in your pants, ignoring texts and watching youtube videos of kittens – yes, I saw that. That's textbook pouting."

"I just lost my job, in case you didn't notice."

"I did, actually."

James glared at her suspiciously. She was showing a shocking lack of empathy for what he felt was a very pitiable situation.

"Are you _enjoying_ my pain."

"Well, in the name of the honesty we're now committed to, I can't pretend that it isn't a nice break, to see the infallible James Potter come down to the level of us mortals for once."

"Oooouchhhh. Cruel, woman."

"Can I sit."

"I don't know, not if you're going to keep demeaning me."

"I'm not demeaning you," Lily sighed, taking a seat in the space James had just scooched out of. "It's just…Peter did warn you."

"Do you need to rub it in?" James demanded, beginning to get quite annoyed now.

"No, I suppose not."

There was silence for a moment. And then James burst out, "You know, you're really lucky that you're reminding me of my mum right now. Because most people would say that was a really shitty friend move you just pulled there."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Your mum?"

"Yeah," James muttered. "She definitely would have reminded me that Peter had warned me. I've been thinking about it for two days. She'd've used it to teach me a lesson about listening to my friends or some crap. And I _know_ I owe him an apology, but I just can't bring myself to do it yet."

James sighed, and fell back onto his bed, spread eagle and staring at the ceiling. "It's times like these that I really miss her. I haven't been able to bring myself to tell Dad yet. I know he'll look kind of disappointed, but he won't say anything about it and he'll immediately start offering to help me find something new. Mum would let me simmer in it for a while, and then she would have had me over tea and a 'talk,' wherein she'd force me to reflect on what I learned from the situation. I really need that sometimes. She's honestly the only reason I didn't grow up into a completely spoiled brat, because even as I kept doing stupid shit, she was training me to have a reflection reflex."

He chanced a glance at Lily and saw that she was smiling softly. Neither of them said anything for a moment. Then Lily laid back on the bed next to him, a respectful amount of space between them.

"So, what are you going to do next?"

"Besides apologize to Pete?"

"Yeah."

"Look for a job, obviously. There's not a huge market for satirical writers, and I'm going to be competing against all my former coworkers, but maybe I can get some entry level position at a normal newspaper."

"What about the Riddle story?"

"What about it?"

"Well, you're going to pursue it, aren't you?"

James turned his head so he was looking straight at her, the arm of his glasses digging into his cheek. Her hair was fanned out under her head and she was gazing back at him.

"What am I going to pursue at this point? I'm not going to write a spoof about him now."

"Not a spoof, but you said so yourself, it feels like there might be a real story there. At the very least you can visit the detention centre with Moody, write about privatization of these places, the conditions inside, and how they're owned by completely incongruous companies."

"Come on, Riddle destroyed he Quibbler just because he found out I was going to write some spoof on him - "

"We don't actually know that's why he did it. It could have just been a coincidence."

"A coincidence?" James said incredulously. "Xeno's been skipping his taxes for a decade now, and Riddle just _happens_ to find out at the exact moment I'm writing an article on him? Nah. Based on the minimal press coverage of his bribery trial, I'm betting he collects dirt on all the media sources he can get his hands on, and then blackmails them into keeping quiet."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Now there's a conspiracy worthy of the Quibbler."

"I bet it's true, though," James said darkly.

"This episode's made you paranoid. Just do a little digging. See if there's anything worth writing about. You have the spare time."

"Gee, thanks -"

"And if you do end up getting a freelance piece published, think how it'll boost your CV!"

"Why are you so invested in me writing an article about Riddle?"

Lily turned her gaze towards the ceiling so their eyes were no longer locked.

"I guess I'm just pissed at Riddle. He's such an asshole. It would be so satisfying if it was _you_ who broke some story on him."

James felt a warm feeling at the emphasis she put on _you_. But, in the name of their ongoing experiment in honesty, he had to ask: "Are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with Snape?"

Lily sat up, her face averted from him, and brought her legs up to sit cross-legged, her back against the headboard. She gazed up at the ceiling for a moment, her expression impassive.

"I suppose…maybe it does."

"You want to make sure his company isn't up to anything."

"Anything worse than bribery, you mean?" she asked sardonically.

James rolled onto his side and propped his face on his hand so he could study her. She was still avoiding his eyes.

"It's ok to want to know more," he said. "But even if I were to uncover something, it wouldn't mean Snape knew about it. He's not exactly a top exec."

"I know. But I can't shake this horrible feeling that he's hiding his work life and his friends from me for a reason – that they're doing something he knows I wouldn't approve of. Ever since Regulus told me they thought Sev and I were dating, I've realized that it's not that he's ashamed of _me_. It's that he's worried what I'll think of _them_. And that makes me feel…"

"Relieved that it isn't about you, but apprehensive that it's about them?"

"Yeah." She sighed and ran her hands over her face and through her hair, then looked back down at James. He gazed back, and he knew that his emotions were playing out baldly on his face, but he couldn't help it. Every time he talked to her, he felt this buzz of electric understanding between them, and he just wanted –

"James…" she said softly, but he was already sitting up, shaking himself mentally.

"I'll keep working on the article."

Her face was unreadable as she said, "Thanks."


	13. Chapter 13

In the week following her visit to James, Lily barely slept. The pace of work at the Phoenix Foundation was getting frenetic, and she found herself constantly dogged by the feeling that there was something she'd forgotten to do. She got in early and left late, but there never seemed to be enough hours in the day. How did McGonagall and Marlene comport themselves with such grace? School had always come naturally to her, but this – tracking which politicians had signed onto bills, the horse trading that went on in the crunch time before a vote, the meetings with staffers – this _politicking_ was something new that did not come naturally to her. She had always felt herself to be somewhat charming, comfortable with new people, and articulate. Now her brain felt rung out and she kept losing her train of thought. She was sure she was failing at her job, and dreaded the day McGonagall would call her into her office and tell her it just wasn't working out.

Things at home weren't much better. Severus had been home every night, for once, but their conversations were stilted and forced. Lily felt like it was her fault. When they were writing to each other throughout school, she'd always poured her heart out, telling him everything she was thinking and feeling. She'd felt certain that no one knew her the way Sev did. But now, she just couldn't bring herself to relax around him the way she always had done, and she knew he could sense it. For his part, Sev had never been great at comforting, or forcing Lily to tell him what was wrong. She lay in bed at night, physically exhausted, but mentally unable to shut down, wondering how she could repair their friendship. She'd vacillate between anger at him, for not trusting her, for being so shut off, and self-doubt, wondering whether she'd imagined the depth of their friendship throughout school. Sure, she'd treated him as a diary and he'd always written back, but that didn't mean he'd identified with or even understood what she'd been feeling. They had a minor row on Friday morning, when he demanded to know where she'd been the night before ("I was at work, Sev, what the fuck?"), and he wasn't home when she returned that evening.

Despite her exhaustion, Lily awoke early on Saturday morning. She had no plans for the day besides work that evening, and she lay in bed for a while, staring vacantly at the ceiling. Her mind drifted, as it often did, to James. Was she imagining it, or had he texted her less than usual that week? He had just lost his job – if she was a good friend, _she'd_ be checking in with _him_. But the last time she'd seen him, she hadn't been very sympathetic, and she was afraid that he might be resentful.

After worrying about this for a while, she finally roused herself enough to make a cup of tea. Reviving slightly over some toast, she decided what she really needed was a book to lose herself in. Remus had invited her ages ago to stop by the bookshop he worked at; she would be able to buy a book and, potentially, find out from Remus how James was holding up. So she dressed and set off into the crisp morning for Clapham.

If the shop where Remus worked had ever had a more interesting name than "Bookstore", it had worn off the weathered sign. The window display was badly exhibited, but the books looked well-chosen. The inside of the shop was predictably ill-lit and the organizational structure was not immediately appartent. Books were stacked, seemingly randomly, on tables, stools, and on the floor at the end of rows. The bookshelves loomed, and Lily suspected a person could disappear into the shadowy depths with very little trouble. A man sat, dozing off, behind the counter. Lily assumed this was Mr. Patil, the owner. He did not look nearly as bad-tempered as James had described him, although perhaps sleep took the edge off. Lily hesitated at the door, not wanting to wake Mr. Patil, but the click of the door behind her jerked him awake anyway. He peered blearily at her, and she smiled cautiously.

"You must be Mr. Patil. I'm a friend of Remus'. I actually came to see him – is he here?"

Mr. Patil snorted. "Well, it's bad luck for both of us then."

"Sorry?"

"Haven't seen hide nor hair of him all day. Skipped his shift."

Lily frowned. "You haven't been able to get ahold of him?"

"Phone went straight to voicemail. Besides, I don't have time to chase down errant workers all day - I've got a shop to run! Pity, he was a good worker. But I need people who are reliable. That's the problem with young people these days – no sense of personal responsibility, they think they can skip shifts when they like without facing consequences. Well, not here," he finished, giving an impatient huff of breathe that ruffled his unkempt salt and pepper mustache."

Lily, who felt she was beginning to see what James had meant, put out a placating hand.

"I'm sure there's a good reason for Remus missing the shift – he loves this job. I'll just step outside and see if I can get ahold of him."

Ignoring Mr. Patil's harrumph, she stepped back out the door, pulling out her phone and calling James, since she didn't have Remus' number. The phone rang for so long, she thought he might not pick up, but then the line clicked and James' voice, sounding harassed and strained, came through.

"Lily?"

"Hey, James, can you give me Remus' number? Only I'm at the book store and Mr. Patil says – "

"Fuck!"

He moved the phone away from his mouth, but she could hear him saying, "We forgot, he has work today!" In the background she could hear Sirius swear as well.

"Lily?" James was back. "He's in the hospital."

"What?"

"We checked him in a couple of hours ago, the docs are looking at him now - "

"What's wrong - "

"We completely forgot he had work today! Shit, he's going to lose that job and - "

"I'll take care of it," Lily interrupted. "I'm here now, I'll talk to Mr. Patil."

"Lil – are you sure? You don't have to."

"I want to," Lily said firmly. "I'll take care of it. Tell Remus not to worry about it. I'll call in a few hours, see how he's doing."

They rang off. Lily turned sharply on her heel and reentered the shop. Mr. Patil looked up at her suspiciously.

"Well?"

"Remus is in the hospital."

"In the – in the hospital? What's wrong with him? He was fine earlier this week. I mean – he had a bit of a cold, but he's young."

"I have no idea. But that's why he didn't show up today. I just spoke with his friend James, he's seeing the doctor now."

Mr. Patil was very flustered. "Well, I – I mean to say. Not that it's his _fault_ , but I have a shop to run! What am I supposed to do?"

Lily swallowed her first response ("Stop sleeping and start working") and said instead, "I can help you, if you'd like."

To her surprise, Mr. Patil immediately started shaking his head.

"Oh no no no, I've had experience with Remus' friends before. Those three mates of his – they came in here and said they would be in the back 'helping' Remus, and next thing I knew, all the biographies of Cristiano Ronaldo were in the theology section and the pages of a fine edition of Alasdair mac Mhaighstir Alasdair's collected works that I was repairing were all turned into paper airplanes."

"I used to volunteer at the library at the University of Edinburgh. I _promise_ I can successfully file books without turning loose pages into paper airplanes."

She gave Mr. Patil her most sincere, trustworthy expression, and it must have worked because he heaved a great sigh and said, "Well, I suppose girls are better at these sorts of things."

She swallowed her tongue again, and followed him to the back, where he pointed at a pile of newly donated books and explained that they had to be filed according to subject and author's last name, and emphasized that _he would know_ if she made a mistake.

Lily called James on her way between the bookshop and the Three Broomsticks. She didn't have the time to stop home for dinner, so she bought a takeaway curry from the shop on the corner and sat on a bench to eat.

"How is he?"

"Stable. We're going to come back early tomorrow and wait for them to let us see him."

Lily swallowed. "Is it ok if I stop by tomorrow morning too?"

"Of course! Remus would love to see you, I'm sure. _We_ would love to see you. The lads and I owe you big time for talking to Mr. Patil – he was ok with it, right?"

"Yes, he was fine."

"Thank you so much Lily - "

"Please," she interrupted. "Don't worry about it. Anyway, I've got to go. Got work at the pub. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok. Have a good shift, Lily."

She put the phone away, and tilted her head back, closing her eyes and swallowing back tears. Tears always came unexpectedly when she was reminded of her Dad. He had been so angry when Lily's mum had told him that his boss had called to say he'd been missing too many shifts, and he'd had to let him go. Lily could remember him, shrunken, lying in his hospital bed, his face turning red to match his hair, which was falling out in great tufts because of the chemo. She could remember feeling furious at his boss, although to be fair, her Dad hadn't been able to contribute too much to the workplace in those last few months. She swore, though, that having that taken away from him – his livelihood, the job he'd worked for over 30 years – had hastened his demise. Even though she'd been barely a teenager herself, she could see the impact it had had on him - he had felt unwanted, useless. She never wanted anyone else to ever have to feel that way. If she had to come in every evening that week to get Remus' work done so he could keep the job, she would.

Lily was, true to her word, up bright and early the next morning. On her way in to the hospital, she stopped and bought half a dozen doughnuts, coffee, and some fruit. If the boys were determined to stick it out at the hospital all day, the least she could do was feed them – she remembered only too well how horrible hospital food was. She got turned around coming off the bus, and it took her a while to find infectious diseases. When she finally walked into the waiting room, she found three of the Marauders camped out in the corner, their coats and food wrappers spread out over 6 chairs.

"Good morning," Lily called.

James, who had been dozing, jerked awake. "Lily!" he called welcomingly, and Lily's heart warmed at the sight of him. Sirius, sitting next to him, looked distinctly less pleased.

"What are you doing here?" he asked belligerently.

"Well good morning to you too," Lily replied, handing him a coffee and the box of doughnuts.

James and Peter received their breakfasts with considerably more gratitude. Lily took a coffee for herself and sat next to James.

"So, how is he?"

"We haven't been able to get in to see him yet," James answered, tearing off a piece of doughnut and dunking it in his coffee. "But we saw him briefly last night, and he seemed ok. Stable, at least."

"What's wrong with him. Mr. Patil mentioned he was sick earlier this week."

Lily noticed, out of the corner of her eye, that James and Sirius exchanged the most fleeting of glances. She might not have picked up on it if she wasn't already observing James more closely than usual.

"Yeah, just a cold that got out of hand, I guess. They were just worried about it progressing to pneumonia."

"Wow, that's some cold."

"Yeah. Hopefully he'll be out of here soon. Mr. Patil doesn't seem too enthusiastic about sick days."

"No, he really doesn't. After I told him Remus was in the hospital, he started going off about how he couldn't run the shop by himself."

James winced.

"I put away some donated books for him, though, and he seemed satisfied. I honestly think he spends half his time in that shop sleeping. He was drifting off again when I left."

"You did Remus' shift for him?"

He looked so grateful, Lily immediately felt an odd mixture of pleasure and embarrassment. She didn't want to sound like she was bragging or trying too hard to impress him. She had honestly only been thinking of her Dad when she'd initially volunteered.

"It wasn't a big deal. I used to do it all the time at the library at uni."

James was looking at her like she had hung the moon and the stars; her face burned.

"I'm surprised he let you do that. James and Sirius got us permanently banned from that bookshop," Peter piped up. Lily looked around, surprised that Peter had decided to join in the conversation, but pleased that he was starting to relax around her.

"Yeah, he did mention something about paper airplanes," she said, smiling.

"I told them not to, but they never listen to me."

Lily was unsure how to respond to the bitterness in his voice. She turned to James for a cue. He caught her eye, cleared his throat, then stood up.

"Hey, Peter, let's go see if we can sneak into Remus' room."

"They never let us in early."

James shrugged, his hands in his pockets. "Let's just go see." He started to stroll away backwards, waiting for Peter to stand up and follow. After a moment's hesitation, he did.

Lily watched them go, hoping that they were going to resolve whatever the dispute was; she could tell James hated fighting with his friends.

"You shouldn't have gotten involved," came Sirius' voice from next to her.

She turned to him. He had been watching her, and his eyes were narrowed in undisguised dislike.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You shouldn't have gotten involved in any of this. Making James feel guilty so he'll apologize to Peter even though _James_ was the one who got fired. Covering Remus' shift - "

"I'm sorry, I didn't think it was up to you to decide who gets to be nice to Remus," Lily snapped, stung. "And as for apologizing to Peter – he was already going to do that on his own. I didn't make him feel guilty."

"Really…?" Sirius drawled.

Lily found it was difficult to breathe, even as her brain snapped to the offensive.

"What's the _matter_ with you? I've been hanging round James for over a month. Why do you suddenly have a problem with me?"

Sirius snorted derisively. "You seemed ok at first, but I know your type, Lily Evans."

"My _type_?!" she cried, aware of the way her voice was getting higher pitched and hating it.

"You do-gooder, 'oh, I'm so perfect I can handle anything. I never need anybody, I never need to show emotions' type." His impersonation of Lily was whiney and high-pitched.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"James is smitten with you, as you very well know, because James wears his heart on his sleeve. But you lead him on, wait until you have him wrapped around your little finger, and then you send him off to do your bidding. 'Oh, go apologize to Peter, even though I have no understanding of the root of the problem and it's really none of my business. Oh, go on some wild goose chase to Rickmansworth, because I don't have the balls to confront my creepy flatmate about his job.'"

Lily's breathing was very fast and shallow. "That's not – you don't -"

"Don't I? Come on. James may think you're so mysterious and independent, but I can read you like a book."

 _Don't bite, Lily. Don't take his bait. He's just like Petunia, just trying to get under your skin._ She took a deep breath and adopted a tone of forced calm. "Sirius, I'm not sure whether you're jealous or just spiteful, but - "

"Oh _don't_ do that!" he growled, his voice rising now. "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who adopt that 'holier-than-thou, I have to be the grownup here because Sirius is being crazy again' voice."

"Must happen to you a lot," Lily bit out. "If you go around playing amateur psychologist with everyone."

"Only with stuck-up birds who are messing with my mates."

"It's funny that you think this is about Severus, when it was _your_ brother who came to _me_ for help." Lily could immediately tell, by the shock on his face, that James had failed to mention her meeting with Regulus to Sirius. Something besides her fury began closing in on her, constricting her chest and forcing a prickly feeling up her throat and behind her eyes.

"I have to go," she muttered.

"I don't know why you were here in the first place."

She grabbed her bag and coat and began speed walking towards the exit.

She burst out the hospital doors and took great, gulping breaths of the cold air. It didn't help; she still felt like there were iron bands constricting her lungs. She pulled on her coat and began to walk blindly, her hands buried in her pockets.

 _Don't think, don't think, don't_ – but she couldn't not think. Was that really what Sirius thought of her? She'd thought he had been ok with her. They'd even gone out drinking after her speech at Parliament, and, while he hadn't been super friendly, he hadn't been nasty either. Did this mean he genuinely believed she was so self-absorbed that she'd use James, manipulate him for her own ends? She hadn't been _using_ him, they'd been partners in this; he was an adult, he could have said 'no' to any of her suggestions. _But would he have?,_ a small voice muttered. That wasn't her responsibility, she reminded herself. She couldn't modify her behaviour just because James was agreeing to stupid things to impress her. If he stopped and thought about it for an instance, he would know that he didn't have to work to impress her. Wouldn't he?

Sure, she'd been able to guess James' feelings for her, but was it a crime that she hadn't immediately leapt into his arms? No! That was some misogynistic crap, to think that she should disregard her own feelings or rush herself just because James was interested. An uncomfortable memory niggled at the back of her mind. The party, his room… _you did kiss him,_ the voice reminded her. _And then you refused to discuss it._ So maybe it wasn't a crime, but it hadn't been the most adult thing to do. It hadn't been the most considerate either, knowing as she had James' interest in her.

She sank down on a bench by a bus stop and buried her face in her hands. What was happening to her? She'd always been confident, driven. "Perfectionist" was a word she associated with Petunia, but she'd certainly had high standards for herself and the people around her. But now she felt like every way she turned, she was encountering things that disproved her black and white view of the world. Severus – on whom she'd always depended and trusted – was a stranger, and Sirius was right, she hadn't had the guts to confront him about it. James – whom she had considered unforgiveable before she'd even met him for all the shit he had put Severus through – was quickly becoming her closest confidant, but she seemed to be messing that up too. She'd come here to make a name for herself, but with every day that passed, she felt more and more certain that she wasn't built for the world of politics. She was miles from her family, one tiny dot in the glittering metropolis of London, and she felt as though she was losing sight of who she was.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there, curled up against the biting autumn wind. She didn't look up at the screech of the brakes, and it wasn't until a voice hollered "You getting on, Miss?" that she realized a bus had stopped for her. She boarded automatically and took a seat at the back. She had no idea where the bus was going, but it was warm here, and she had nowhere to be. The bus trundled along, and Lily sat, her eyes closed and her muscles tense. She knew she had to make a change – she'd gone too far down the path of apathy, waiting for her life to fix itself. And she knew where she had to start. It was just a case of gathering her courage.

Severus was home, sitting on the couch when she opened the front door. This startled her – he was almost never in the sitting room, unless he was with her. It was as though the universe was giving her a shove: 'You're not getting out of this one, Lily,' it was saying.

He didn't say anything as she kicked off her shoes, hung up her coat, and unwound her scarf, but she could feel his eyes on her. Finally, she turned to face him.

"I was worried," he said, his jaw set.

This threw Lily off completely? "Worried?"

"You were out all night."

"No I wasn't!"

"You weren't home when I went to bed last night - "

"I was at the Three Broomsticks!"

"And you weren't here when I woke up this morning."

"I left early."

"Where were you?"

This was such a hypocritical question, but somehow Lily wasn't surprised. "Yeah, that's what we need to talk about, Severus."

"What?"

"That assumption you have, that I should tell you where I am at all times, but you have no obligation to do the same."

He opened his mouth to retort, but she held up her hand. This wasn't going to be a discussion. It wasn't going to be a negotiation. It was an ultimatum.

"I can't live here anymore, unless you accept a few basic things. One – I'm an independent person. You can't tell me where to go, or what to do, or demand that I tell you where I am, _especially_ when you won't do the same. Two – we need to talk about your work and I need to meet your friends. You've turned your whole life outside of this flat into a big mystery, and it's making me incredibly paranoid. Three – I can be friends with whomever I want. I'm friends with James Potter. I was with him this morning. I might have feelings for him. You don't need to be best friends with him, but I need you to accept it. I'd be happy to talk over your experiences at school, because I know that a lot of the bullying was awful and that you've internalized it, but I also need to hear honestly what your school mates were up to, because the incident at the Three Broomsticks with Mulciber and Mary was truly fucked up, and to feel safe around you, I need to know you're not friends with that crowd anymore." She stopped to draw breath, and to consider whether she'd left anything out. Severus' face was frozen. She decided she'd said all she needed, and she started to move towards her bedroom.

"You can think this over. We'll talk later if - " She stopped suddenly, because Severus was holding her back, her upper arm in a vice grip. She hadn't even heard him get up.

"Feelings for James Potter?" he hissed.

Despite the fact that her heart was pounding and his grip on her arm was making her nervous, Lily couldn't help but feel exasperated.

"Seriously? I give this whole speech and that's what you focus on? This isn't about James, Severus, it's about us!" She wrenched her arm out of his grip and turned to face him fully. He was a half head taller, and she couldn't remember being this close to him in years. "We keep using James as a proxy, as an excuse to avoid facing the truth. Are we really even friends anymore? We have completely separate lives, you won't tell me anything about yours and I'm going crazy trying to find out. So I have to ask – is this worth it? Tiptoeing around each other and fighting every few weeks and lying to each other, just to maintain this shell of a friendship? Maybe we've outgrown - "

"No!" Severus cried, his frozen mask rapidly dissolving. "It's worth it, it is. Your friendship is everything to me, Lily, _everything_." The raw desperation on his face was so real that Lily's breath caught in her throat. It came to her in a rush that he was being honest – he would do almost anything to stay near her. He would lie, he would manipulate her, he would create elaborate schemes to hide his life – but he wouldn't give up that life or those friends, whoever they were. Severus didn't feel he had grown out of their friendship – he might even want more, if Regulus' insinuations meant anything. It was she, Lily, who was ready to move on. And it wouldn't be a clean break, there would be no polite parting of ways and promises to meet up from time to time for coffee. He wasn't going to make this easy for her. Somewhere, in the distant background to her thoughts, Severus was still railing on.

"You're it Lily – you know what my family's like. My friends – they're nothing. You're the only one I can trust, the only one I can lo - " He broke off suddenly. Lily, ignoring the tears pricking behind her eyes, took a deep breath and stepped back, away from him.

"I know, Severus," she said, her voice catching. "I know I am. But I can't be that person for you anymore. I'm sorry."

She backed quickly into her room and locked the door behind her, leaning against it and allowing the tears to finally spill over. She cried silently because she knew Severus was still on the other side of the door, waiting for a sign of weakness, waiting for her to change her mind, to come back out and allow him to put his arm around her and say they should sit down, that they could still talk this out. It would be so easy, and she ached to do it; she hated denying him anything. But she knew that the Lily who went back out wouldn't be real, she would be acquiescing to Severus' wishes again in an effort to keep him happy.

After allowing herself a few minutes to cry, she moved away from the door a bit, shook herself out, and wiped her face on her sleeves. She couldn't stay here tonight – she probably couldn't stay here ever again. She wouldn't think too far ahead – that would just lead to panic. She had to pack some work clothes, grab her laptop and a couple favorite books, things that would get her over the hump of the next few days before she could figure out what to do. She didn't have much saved up, but it would be enough for about a week in a hostel. She left the rest of the hard choices to future Lily.

Once everything was crammed into her old school rucksack, she swung it over her shoulder and opened the door. Severus was still out there. She wasn't surprised. She averted her eyes and moved straight to the door.

"Where are you going?"

She put her rucksack down so she could pull on her coat, wind the scarf back around her neck.

"Where are you going?"

She slid her feet into her boots and hoisted the rucksack back onto her shoulder. She opened the door, so the wood obscured her face.

"We'll talk in a few days about what to do with the lease," she said quietly, before closing the door softly.

* * *

The next few days were not easy by any means, but she was persevered because she knew she was making the right choice. She found a cheap bed in the dorm room of a hostel, moving quietly amidst the excited backpackers and tourists, and slept soundly that night. She went to Rosmerta on Monday evening and asked if she could pick up a few extra shifts that week.

"What's going on?" Rosmerta asked, her eyes narrowed as she took in Lily's face.

"I – er, had to move out. My flatmate and I had a fight."

"The Snape kid?"

Lily was surprised she had remembered. "Yeah."

"Good for you, Lily. He was bad news. Where are you staying now?"

"A hostel," Lily muttered, feeling her face heat up. She _really_ didn't like discussing her private business with her boss.

"Not anymore you're not. Come kip on my couch until you've sorted things out."

Lily looked up, startled. She had never expected this, and what was more, she wasn't sure it was a good idea. Rosmerta was friendly, certainly, but she was also a bit of a gossip. Everyone in the pub knew when she had a fight with her current flame. Lily really didn't want her private business shared with the regulars.

"I – I mean, I don't want to put you out."

"You're a good employee, Lily. You're also a sensible girl. You have a week on my couch, rent free. I feel fairly certain you'll be able to sort something out by then."

It didn't seem she had a choice, and besides, it would be enormously helpful not to have to drain her meager savings account, which she would likely need in the search for a new flat.

"Ok then. Thank you so much Rosmerta. I'll help you close up every night, and I won't clock in."

"I said free of charge, Lily. You can take a few extra nights' work, if you want, but I'm paying you, same as I would anyone."

To her horror, Lily's throat seemed to be closing around a lump. She would not cry, she _would not cry_.

"Thank you Rosmerta."

"Don't mention it. Now go pick up your things from that hostel and come back here, and you can clock in and close."

After that, Lily's life seemed to be an unending cycle of work. Rosmerta's flat was above the Three Broomsticks, so when she returned in the evening from the Phoenix Foundation, she dropped off her stuff, changed into pub clothes, bolted down some takeaway, and worked for several more hours at the pub. She didn't mind. It kept her busy and it got her past the period of regret, when she might have otherwise have returned to Severus and begged for forgiveness. She texted James every day, to inquire after Remus and just for the warm flare of comfort seeing his name on the screen brought to her chest. She didn't mention her fight with Severus, or her new living situation. She still hadn't fully processed Sirius' accusations about her using James, but she did know she didn't want to do anything that seemed remotely manipulative until she'd had an opportunity to speak with him about it. They made plans to see one another Saturday morning, and the thought of it kept Lily going.

Saturday morning came at last, and she entered James' flat at the exact same time Sirius came stumbling out of his bedroom, shirtless and tousle-haired.

"Hey you," James said, and he hugged her. Even despite the unpleasant jolt in her stomach at the sight of Sirius, she couldn't help sinking into that hug a bit. When the broke apart, however, she could clearly see Sirius over James' shoulder, and the expression on his face made it clear he hadn't expected to see her here, and he wasn't happy about it. The open, unconcerned look on James' face told her that Sirius hadn't mentioned their fight. The absurdity of the situation almost made her want to laugh. A week ago, she would have avoided Sirius' eye and hoped he would leave she and James alone. But she couldn't let herself break her streak of honesty. She squared her shoulders.

"Sirius." He had turned to go back to his room. He didn't turn back, but he did stop moving. She addressed his back. "I need to talk to you. Can I come to your room?"

She didn't need to look at James to know that he was gaping. Sirius' back was rigid. "No."

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yes, that's me."

"You're going to act like this?" she scoffed.

"I seriously am," he said, still not turning around.

"Fine." She moved around James and sat in an armchair facing Sirius' back.

"You were right," she said, without preamble. He still didn't turn around, but she could tell he was interested. "I was in denial about Severus. I was afraid to confront him. Maybe I was even using James to address the problem for me, although I assure you I didn't do so maliciously. That's over now. I've spoken with him, and we aren't friends anymore."

"What are you two talking about?" James seemed to have finally found his voice. "What am I missing here? Did you two have a fight?"

"Not a fight, exactly. I just shared with Evans here some of my thoughts - "

"It was a fight," Lily interrupted. "And you were right about some things, but you also got really nasty, and I don't care if your masculinity is threatened or whatever, you're going to sit down and listen to me talk about my feelings."

Sirius did not sit, but he did turn around slowly, and that was enough encouragement for Lily to plow on. "You're also right that I have a hard time opening up to people, and being vulnerable. That's a trait that James has that I admire. And I think it's something you admire too. For all you pretend to be blunt and brutally honest, I think you're just as guarded as I am. I think that may be why you're so protective of your friends, because you've opened up to them and now you're afraid to lose them."

Sirius jeered. "Now who's playing amateur psychologist?"

"What are you two - "

"Not now, James," Sirius and Lily said in unison.

Lily took a breath.

"I could be wrong. I'm willing to be wrong. I'm just making a guess. But I do have to tell you, for all that you were right about some things, you were really wrong about others, and you really hurt me."

"I don't owe you anything."

"Maybe not. But I'm not going away. So you might as well make a miniscule effort."

He glared at her, but he hadn't walked away yet.

"You're not going to tell me who I can and can't be friends with. I know for whatever reason you want to be the gatekeeper of James' friends, but I really care about him - "

"I'm right here - "

"Shut up, James!" Sirius and Lily both exclaimed. "Please," Lily added.

"I really care about him, and I'm not going to jump ship when things get hard. I know you think I'm flaky, and I have been undependable, but I'm sitting here telling you that that changes now. I'm here for James and I'm here for you too, if you'd like. But I do need to tell you that I put up with Severus treating me like crap for long enough, and I'm not going to put up with it from you. If I want to cover Remus' shifts, I can. If I want to advise James to resolve fights with his friends, I can, although he is by no means obligated to take my advice. If I want to become friends with your friends, I can, and it doesn't mean that they're any less your friends." She stopped here, partially because she couldn't think of anything else to say, and partially because the lump in her throat was threatening to resurface. _There's nothing to get upset about_ , she reminded herself firmly. _You're doing the right thing this time. It's hard, but it's the right thing._

Sirius didn't appear to agree. After a moment of glaring at her, he turned abruptly and strode into the kitchen without a word. She heard a cabinet open, and the sound of the kettle being switched on. She sank back into the chair. James came slowly around into her field of vision.

"Am I allowed to talk now?"

She gave a watery smile.

"Yes. Sorry. I just needed to get all that out before I lost my nerve." He nodded slowly.

"Listen. I really want to know what that was all about, but I think I need to talk to Sirius first."

She nodded. It was only right.

"But what's this about you and Snape not being friends anymore. How's that working out, while you're still flatmates?"

"We're not flatmates anymore."

"Wha-where are you living."

Lily gave a small huff of laughter. "Above the Three Broomsticks."

"What?!"

"It's only temporary. I'm going to look at flats this afternoon."

"How – this is London! How are you going to find an affordable flat this quickly? Why didn't you tell me? Why - "

"James." Lily stood up, put her hands on his shoulders and walked him over to the couch, pushing him down gently. "Calm down. I didn't tell you because I needed some space. I needed to sort out the situation with Severus on my own." She sat down next to him. "And, also, Sirius made me think about how I'd behaved towards you, how maybe our friendship was getting kind of lopsided. You've always been there for me, and I haven't always been there for you."

"That's not true!"

"It is, though. I know you don't mind, because that's who you are, but I do mind. I don't want to take advantage of you. I wasn't thinking straight before. All I could see was how nothing in my life was matching my expectations. And that's true – my life the past couple of months has been a roller coaster ride. I forgot that that disruption was exactly what I'd moved here for, and that it leaves me with room to build something new."

"Ok," said James slowly, but Lily could tell that he was starting to get irritated. "That's all very well and good, but that doesn't mean you have to cut people out, Lily."

"Get used to it, James." Sirius had reappeared in the door of the kitchen, a mug of coffee in his hand. "She's that type. You're always going to have to hack down her walls." He turned to Lily, who had opened her mouth in frustration. Would he never stop having a go at her? "You're in luck," he said to her. "Remus is out of the hospital and he's been talking about moving out of his parents' place when he feels better. Obviously it's up to him, but I think you two'd get along. You can stay with us in the meantime."

Lily and James both stared. Sirius turned around and returned to the kitchen. They heard the sound of a frying pan being slapped onto the cob. They turned to each other.

"I think that's as much of an endorsement as I'm going to get," Lily said.

"Sure as fuck is," came Sirius' voice from the kitchen.

To Lily's surprise, James looked apprehensive.

"Lily, are you sure you want to stay here? I mean…" he trailed off, and Lily's stomach dropped.

"I don't have to! I don't – I mean, Sirius said – I wasn't presuming - "

"It's not that, it's just - "

"No, please, I don't need to stay, I should probably head over to that first flat anyway," she babbled, standing up. "It's really far outside of town – not that I'm complaining, I mean, the price isn't bad - "

James stood too. "Lily, that's not what I meant!"

Sirius suddenly stomped out of the kitchen.

"I'm going to a café, I don't need to listen to this," he grunted, pulling on a coat over his bare chest and shoving his feet into work boots. A moment later he was gone.

Lily suddenly found it difficult to meet James' eyes. He took a deep breath.

"I think I've been fairly obvious," he said quietly. "But in case you've missed it, I really fancy you. I'm not saying I have any sort of expectations, but I don't want you to feel pressured to stay here if that makes you uncomfortable. I know a bunch of people with spare rooms who would be happy to host you."

Lily took a deep breath, and looked up at him. He was watching her very seriously, but she could tell that he was nervous. Her own heart was hammering, with both nerves and anticipation. "Sirius is right. I can be very private. I'm not good at talking about my feelings."

"That's ok, I talk about my feelings enough for both of us."

She gave a shaky laugh. "What I'm trying to say is – well, I reckon I fancy you too. I have for a while. I just…wasn't ready to build something new. But I am now. If – if you want to."

James' mouth curved upwards. Lily had to ask, just to be certain. "Can – can I kiss you?"

His grin was answer enough.

* * *

Lily awoke, much later, curled under blankets with her head on James' arm and his face pressed into her hair, which was fluttering every time he exhaled. She shifted away from him gently and stretched, her skin tingling on contact with the cool air of the bedroom after the warmth of James' skin. It was getting dark outside, and all was quiet in the house. She felt well rested and satisfied, peaceful for the first time in weeks. It was a surprising feeling; she normally didn't take well to fast changes, and she and James had moved, well, fast. But she knew that she'd wanted this for ages – she'd just needed to get the other parts of her life in order first, to master her anxieties. Sure, nothing was perfect but this…this felt right. She lay back down, snuggling in next to James and causing him to stir.

"Wha - " his hand groped at her face, and she laughed.

"Just me."

His eyes snapped open.

"Surprise," she said, smiling. "Remember me?"

"How could I forget," he grinned sleepily.

"Don't worry, if you forget I'd be happy to remind you."

"Mmm, in that case – what happened this morning?"

She laughed again as he reached for her, his arms encircling her as he leaned in for a kiss. She lost herself in him for a few minutes, and whined with displeasure when he pulled back.

"What time is it?" he asked, his voice scratchy. "Don't you have work tonight?"

"Oh, shit, you're right. How did you remember that and I didn't?"

"Because I'd been planning to come in for a drink. Rosmerta's hired a very pretty barmaid whom I thought I'd chat up."

"Scoundrel, disrupting a lady at work."

"Not a scoundrel, just a desperate fool. But I need not have worried – my charms won her over in the end."

"Maybe she just felt sorry for you."

"Don't say that! You wound me."

"If you wanted to truly win a lady over, you could make her dinner before her shift."

"Oh, you just wait. Sirius proposed to me once after having one of my omelettes. One whiff, and you'll hop on board the seduction express."

"You know, I was game until you uttered the words 'seduction express'. Now I just don't know…"

"Ooooohhhh Lily Evans. You'll be whistling a different tune soon."

"We'll see."

They looked at each other, and James' smirk softened into a smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes.

"You know, this was not how I expected this day to go."

Lily laughed and craned up to kiss his nose, his cheek, his eyelid.

"Me neither."

"We should make this a hobby, yeah? A regular thing?"

Lily smiled.

"You're going to have to be more specific."

James looked confusing, then rolled his eyes, cottoning on.

"Will you go out with me?"

"Only if I'm impressed by your omelette."

 _I'm sorry that chapter was insanely long – hopefully that was a surprise ending in the best possible way! I had originally written some rather explicit smut, but, upon re-reading it, decided it seemed kind of out of place. I've written the whole story, but I've been doing so much editing that it feels like I'm doing a total rewrite. I have an idea for another project after this that I'm itching to get onto, but we've got about 6 chapters to go first!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Oh wow, it's been a loooong time since I posted. To atone for this, I've had a few marathon writing sessions and finished the story! There are five more chapters and I'll post them over the next couple of days. A note: some readers have expressed displeasure with the subjects explored in this story. I'm not fighting with anyone over what I choose to write about; if you're looking for light and fluffy, that's cool, but look elsewhere, it's only getting more serious from here. Onward..._

* * *

"And then, she just _kissed_ me!"

"Now that's a twist."

It was Thursday. Lily was at work and James was at Remus', excitedly catching him up on the weekend's developments while Remus prepared for work.

"So, are you two officially together now?"

"Yep. But I need your advice, Moony."

"Big surprise."

"Ah, come on, you know you'd pine for me and feel useless if I ever figured out how to function as an emotionally stable adult."

"I'd still have Sirius."

"True."

"Ok, fine, what do you need advice on."

"Well, she's staying with Sirius and me right now - "

"What?"

"Yeah, she and Snape had a fight, apparently, and she says they're not friends anymore and she's moved out for good."

Remus gave a low whistle and stumped back over to the table with a bowl of rice and beans for each of them.

"So Sirius invited her to stay - "

" _Sirius_ did?!"

"Moony, you don't even understand how crazy this weekend's been," James sighed, mixing up his beans and rice to release some of the steam. "When Lily first came over, she and Sirius were talking about some fight they'd had – now I come to think about it, I meant to ask Sirius about that. Anyway, I guess they resolved their differences, because he invited her to stay."

"Either that or he wanted to stick it to Snape."

"I don't think that's what it was about, honestly. He wasn't around too much this weekend, but when he was there he wasn't moody or anything."

"Are you sure you'd notice through your haze of love?" Remus asked drily.

"Har har," James said, although he had to admit, he had been in something of a haze the last week. He couldn't seem to get enough of Lily, and, luckily, she seemed to feel the same way. "Anyway, then Sirius told her you were looking for a place, and suggested you two be flatmates."

"What?!" There was a crack in Remus' voice that made James look up.

"What's wrong?"

"He just invited her to live with me?"

"Well, no. He just mentioned it as a possibility."

Remus sank back in his chair, looking peeved.

"He shouldn't have done that. I wouldn't have expected that from Sirius, of all people."

"Why not? You know Padfoot can act without thinking sometimes."

"Yes, but he understands how hard it can be to make friends."

"Come on, Lily's not hard to get along with. You all liked her when we watched Sherlock together."

"There's a difference between casual acquaintance and flatmate."

"And what's that?" James asked, a tad defensively. He couldn't understand why all his friends were acting as though Lily was this big intrusion on their lives. Looking at Remus, though, he could see how tired he was looking. He backed off a little. "Look, Remus, I'm not trying to force you to do anything. You don't have to live with Lily if you don't want. I just don't understand why it's been such an uphill battle to get you lot to accept her."

"It's just…easier for you, James. To make friends. There's no big disclosures you have to dread further down the line. You don't have to hide some huge part of your life for fear of scaring someone away. You can just be yourself, without worrying. It's not like that for me, or for Sirius."

James couldn't meet Remus' eye. Remus had the tremendous power to make him feel ashamed of himself sometimes.

"Sorry mate."

"Don't apologize. Lily seems like an amazing woman, and I'm looking forward to getting to know her – slowly. But, it's just, things between you two have progressed quickly. All of us can tell that she's become very important to you, and we're trying to adjust around that. Especially Sirius. And he never deals with this stuff well. Look at how he's been treating Pete, just because he has a new job."

"It's not _just_ because he has a new job."

"No," Remus agreed, dumping hot sauce on his plate. "It's because that new job represents a new life that's separate from the rest of us. And Sirius hates that."

"Yeah." James sighed heavily. "I've talked to Peter, though, and I'm hoping things'll get better there."

"You talked to Pete? About the whole Sirius thing?"

"And about how I ignored his advice not to go after Riddle." James smiled slightly, taking the hot sauce from Remus. "You were in the hospital, so someone had to carry the mantle of heart-to-hearts."

Remus smiled wryly. "And here I thought you still needed me for advice."

"Don't worry. The student has not quite surpassed the teacher. I still need you around, for the hard stuff."

* * *

James' alarm clock sounded much too early Saturday morning. He groaned and rolled over; Lily stirred, then reached across him to turn it off.

"James?"

"C'mere."

She snuggled into his arms, her face pressed up against his bare chest. He could feel himself being lulled back to sleep, so, with a noise of regret, he gently extricated himself from Lily's warm body and placed a kiss on her head before rolling out of bed. She pulled the blankets closer and buried her head in the pillow. His heart expanded at the sight of her, and he couldn't help smiling, bleary-eyed as he was.

He dressed and grabbed a banana, darting back to his room to kiss a sleeping Lily one more time before departing. The dim light outside did little for his sleep-fogged brain, but the thought of the day ahead woke him up. He couldn't help but feel apprehensive. What would it be like? Would he feel helpless, the privileged interloper on a reality he would never be at risk of experiencing? His pace quickened toward the tube stop, and he descended rapidly into the underground station.

Moody was waiting for him when he arrived. He was not a tall man, and his prosthetic limb made him stoop slightly. However, he was powerfully built, with sparse grey hair and a prominent nose under the false eye. He and James loaded the car with legal binders and pamphlets printed in multiple languages while they waited for the others to arrive. Emmeline Vance, Hestia Jones, and Edgar Bones arrived in short order. They shook hands all around, then Moody barked, "Right, in the van."

Emmeline, the oldest of the group, climbed into the front next to Moody. Hestia had a rosy complexion and black hair, and James reckoned she was only a few years older than him. She squeezed into the middle between Edgar and James.

"I was up half the night working on a case, so you'll have to forgive me if I nod off on one of your shoulders," she joked, as they trundled onto the road.

Despite her apparent exhaustion, Hestia was warm and talkative. James soon learned she was in her final year of a legal internship and very eager to be out and practicing. Edgar was in his mid-thirties, dark-skinned with a long, thin face, the father of two young children and also an solicitor. He and Hestia had been volunteering with Moody for several months now, and they caught up on each other's weeks, in between filling James in on what to expect at the detention centre. In the front seat, Emmeline was speaking quietly to Moody. Her dark brown hair was streaked liberally with gray and piled on her head in an elegant twist. When James caught her eye in the rearview, she smiled and broke off her conversation with Moody.

"I believe we've met before," she said.

James scanned his memory, "Uuuuh…"

"Your mother and I were colleagues," Emmeline explained. "When she taught at the university. I teach in the Middle Eastern and North African Department."

"Ah," James felt a brief flash of pain. As the years went by, he seemed to meet fewer and fewer people who had known his mother. Emmeline's face softened.

"She was a good woman. You must miss her."

James nodded. "Yeah. But, at least I've got Dad."

"And a fine man he is," Emmeline said.

After that, James lost track of the conversation a bit, watching the outskirts of London roll by the window. He must have dozed off, because next thing he knew the van was slowing to a stop outside a pair of tall gates topped with barbed wire.

"Everyone got their IDs?" Moody barked, and James fumbled for his wallet.

Moody waited until he had it out, then rolled slowly forward to the gate house. James eyed the gatekeeper nervously, but they made it through without a hitch.

"Remember Potter, don't open your mouth. You are here as a volunteer firstly, and an observer second. You are not here as a journalist, you are _not_ here to ask questions. Anything you glean and decide to include in an article later – well, that's your prerogative and I know nothing about it."

Moody's voice was gruff, and he glared at James in the mirror until James had nodded his assent. Hestia and Edgar looked curiously at James now, and he wondered if Moody has passed him off as a naïve volunteer to them as well.

He gave himself a slight shake. He was here to observe, and he had to get on that. He peered out of the tinted window of the van. He knew the Manor had previously been just that – the home of wealthy landowners who went broke before the Second World War and sold their land to the state. Although the structure of the building was sound, there had obviously been no effort made to keep up the superfluous décor. The drive leading up to the front entrance, which had once been lined with gardens, was now gravel surrounded by badly kept lawn. Guards dressed in blue uniform were everywhere, as was barbed wire. There was an exercise yard, and James could see a few mothers sitting on a bench supervising their children, who appeared to be playing tag.

"How long can people be detained here?" James asked the car at large.

"Months," Edgar answered. "Years, even. They may be transferred to a different facility, but the feeling's the same."

James tried to imagine the childhood the kids in the yard had. Perhaps they had fled from war, travelled across continents in truck beds and oceans in flimsy fishing boats. Maybe they had been in a refugee camp before arriving here. And now, in the land their parents' had hoped would be a refuge, they were being held for an indefinite amount of time, waiting to see whether they'd be allowed to stay. Did they go to school in the detention centre, or did a bus come to pick them up outside the barbed wire gates, take them to classes where they may not speak the language, to be classmates with kids whose parents supported their incarceration?

Moody pulled into a small lot, and James and the others piled out, stretching their backs and cramming binders and pamphlets into their bags.

"You'll be taking notes for Emmeline," Moody growled in James' ear, shoving a yellow legal pad into his hands.

Any similarity to a manor house the building had retained on the outside stopped at the front door. The inside had been completely redone, so that, rather than a grand entrance hall with a sweeping staircase, they came into a small room where clerks behind bullet proof glass checked them in, then through a door to the left and down a long hallway with doors on one the right side leading off into private meeting rooms. He followed Emmeline into the third one down. It was bare except for three folding chairs. Emmeline put her coat on the back of one and began unwinding an emerald scarf from around her neck, addressing James.

"I'm not a solicitor, so I don't do any of the legal advice – that's Edgar and Hestia's job. Alastor and I try to gather people's stories, to learn about their situation so that we can glean what kind of council might be most useful to them. Then we refer them to Hestia or Edgar, who will see them next week. That way they can study the cases ahead of time and cut to the chase with the legal information, which can take a while to explain.

"This," she handed James a clipboard, "is the note taking system. At the top, you take notes on what they tell us. You'll notice that there's a pattern to the questions I ask, but different people will focus on specific questions that seem most relevant to their situation, and we have to adjust accordingly. At the bottom here, you check which area of legal counsel seems most relevant to them – criminal, employment, marital, etc. We'll fill those out together on the ride home, since you don't have experience yet. I think that's all…do you have any questions?"

"Do you have any translators?"

"Not this week. Trust me, it's a major issue. I think Alastor just wrote another grant to try and pay for consistent translators. It's hard to get volunteers because they have to be certified in medical and legal translating. I speak several dialects of Arabic and French, so if we get any interviewees who need to conduct the session in one of those, I'll take notes."

At that moment, there was a knock on the door.

"This is us," Emmeline said, indicating that James should sit and moving to open the door.

Their first client was a middle aged man, dark skinned with closely cropped hair and neat beard. He was an Algerian national, he explained, who had been charged with three crimes – absconding, falsifying documents, and working illegally. He obviously had an educated background, because he explained the English legal terms with ease. James was certain that Emmeline already knew what absconding and falsifying documents meant, but she never interrupted, keeping her gaze fixed on him. He ducked his head, running a hand over his hair as he explained that he had been tried and sentenced to twelve months in prison, of which he had served six. He had been slated for deportation, but he had left his homeland in a hurry and without a passport, and Algeria refused to take him back. Instead, he hung in limbo, shuffled from camp to camp for 18 months, refused bail, unable to work or see his family. He told all of this to Emmeline in a quiet, clipped voice, his English softly accented by French. At the end of the interview, Emmeline thanked him for his time, and told him he'd meet with a legal representative the following week. As the man stood to leave, he inclined his head at both of them, unsmiling.

And so it went. James and Emmeline were witness to person after person, testimony after testimony. A young man who had come from Somalia with his family when he was a few months old had been arrested on drug related charges several years previously with a couple of friends who were British nationals. They had all served prison time, but afterwards his friends were released and he was shipped off to a deportation centre, where he had been for almost three years.

"They told me it's too dangerous to travel in Somalia, so they can't deport me. I said, 'Great, I don't want to go there anyway.' But instead thy keep me locked up in this fucking prison! I served my time, mate, let me out."

One young Bangladeshi mother cried because she hadn't seen her children in months, and she was afraid the acquaintances they were staying with were mistreating them. A Haitian woman cried because her two young sons couldn't remember a world outside the detention centre.

Most of the clients were asylum seekers. Some had committed crimes unrelated to their citizenship status, but most were – working illegally, destroying and ID card, possessing false papers, failing to report to the police about their visa. Many were greatly distressed by the label of criminal they'd been given. One old man, who refused to sign his deportation papers because they assigned him to the wrong nationality, reassured James and Emmeline repeatedly that he had worked the entire time he'd lived in the UK.

"I pay taxes, yes I do, and I don't get help from the state. Not one pound! And they locked me up for trying to work!"

During their lunch break, James went out to the courtyard by the guards' tower, ostensibly to get some fresh air, but actually in an attempt to see more of the institution. A blue uniformed man was standing there, smaller than most of the guards James had seen, and bouncing from leg to leg as he scrolled through his phone. James walked over to stand next to him and proffered a cigarette box he had stolen from Sirius that morning.

"Smoke?"

The man took one eagerly, lit it with James' lighter, and took a deep draught.

"Ah, thanks mate." He stuck out his hand. "Stan Shunpike."

"James Potter," replied James, pausing in the middle of lighting his own cigarette to shake Stan's hand.

"So, you one of those charity folks who come here on weekends? The solicitors?"

"Yeah," James said, wondering what questioning strategy to use now that he'd established a conversation.

"Yeah, you all have been coming for a while. Not that I'm complaining – always been very pleasant, you lot have. 'Cept that bloke with the glass eye – he's scary, inn'e. Must be a good chap, all the same, comin' here."

James didn't know what he'd been expecting from a guard at a detention centre – someone scarier, he supposed. He decided to start with something open-ended.

"How is work here?"

"Ah, you know, it's all right. The pay's good. And it's not like workin' in a jail. Most of the folks here, they just want to get out as quick as possible, so they don't cause trouble."

"Do most people stay here a while?"

"Depends. Course, they're moving lots of them out now."

James' ears perked up. "Why?"

"Well, now, they haven't told the lowly grunts like me. But word is, management just bought another centre. I think it must be for the ladies, cause those're the only ones they're moving."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Stan tossed the smoke on the ground and stubbed it out with the heel of his boot. "Not that unusual. Lots of places separate the men and women."

"That's true," James agreed. "But it's odd, since the owners are a biotech company."

"Are they?" said Stan, who looked like he was losing interest.

"Another cigarette?" James offered, flipping the pack open.

Stan eyed it longingly, but shook his head.

"Better not. I'm trying to quit. Apparently the birds don't like a guy who smells like smoke."

James slipped the pack back in his pocket, finishing up his own cigarette.

"You got a girlfriend?" Stan asked.

"Yeah," said James, grinning.

Stan shook his head sadly.

"Some have all the luck. I better head back. Thanks for the smoke."

"Course."

James waited for Stan to move back towards the grand doors, then followed more slowly, his hands burrowed in his pockets. He could feel the edge of a letter in the right one. Once he reached the front entrance hall, he hesitated. It was worth a shot. It was what had brought him here in the first place, after all. He stepped up to one of the windows shielded by bullet-proof glass, behind which a woman with hair dyed platinum blonde was chatting with a coworker. He stepped up to the microphone and cleared his throat. She swung around and pressed a button and the speaker crackled to life.

"Can I help you?"

"I was wondering if you could deliver a letter to one of the, er, people here."

"What's the name?"

"Dorcas Meadowes."

The woman – Gloria, according to her badge – turned to her computer and tapped away for a few moments.

"Nope, sorry love, she's not here."

"What? But she was, I'm sure she was."

"She's been moved to another facility."

She looked at him with some pity, and he decided to press a little.

"Would you be able to tell me where she's been transferred to?"

Gloria hesitated, then turned back to the computer and clicked through a few pages.

"Azkaban Detention Centre."

"Thank you so much."

"Have a nice day, then."

James turned and began to walk back towards the hallway where he had been working with Emmeline. Perhaps Dorcas Meadowes had been among the women moved to the new detention centre purchased by T.M. Riddle. But what was going on here? It was strange enough for a biotech company to buy one detention facility, since it had nothing to do with their business; stranger still to acquire two.

"James," Emmeline's voice startled him out of his reverie. She was poking her head out from behind the door. "Come on, we're starting again."

That afternoon was more of the same. A university student who'd picked up an under-the-table job to pay the bills only to be reported by a spiteful coworker. A construction worker who'd already been deported and snuck back in three times. A home health aide who'd been tried for a DUI.

James slipped in and out of a doze on the ride home, mentally drained. He wondered how his companions did it – they were all going back home to cook dinner for kids, to work on cases, and to get up on Monday to start the work week all over again. He wondered if he would ever be able to juggle those responsibilities. He wondered whether Lily wanted kids.

He was incredibly pleased, upon reentering the flat, to find Lily's shoes kicked off next to the door and the smell of frying onions wafting in from the kitchen. He kicked off his own shoes and hung his coat by the door, entering the kitchen to envelope Lily in a hug from behind.

"Hi," he breathed into her hair.

"Oh good, you're back." She wriggled out of his grasp and turned around to face him, gripping the spoon she had been using to stir the onions rather threateningly. "You have some explaining to do."

James wracked his brains, but couldn't come up with any transgressions he might have committed that day. He tried to look innocent as he reached around her to steal a bit of onion out of the pan.

"Why didn't you tell me Remus is HIV positive?"

James choked on the onion. _How did she know?_ And more importantly… _did it bother her?_ James liked Lily. He liked her a lot. But he knew that if she was prejudiced against Remus, he would have to show her the door.

"Do you have a _problem_ with that?" James demanded, his voice edging towards steely. Lily's eyebrows shot upwards.

"Excuse me? No, James, I don't have a _problem_ with Remus. This isn't the 80s, I don't have a _problem_ with people who have HIV." James let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, feeling his body relax. But Lily was still talking.

"What I do have a _problem_ with is Sirius implying that Remus was ready and willing to live with me, and then with you not letting on that Remus might have some reservations, or some aspects of his life he'd like to keep private. I go waltzing over there, all ready to talk about which part of town he'd like to live in, and he was _really uncomfortable_ , James, because he felt like he'd been backed into a corner and he had to divulge his status to me without being ready to."

James had to acknowledge that she made a fair point.

"And what's _more_ ," she went on, her voice getting louder as she advanced on him a bit, waving the spoon. "He told me that he'd spoken with you about this earlier in the week, and he'd been hoping you would pass on to me that he might not be totally on board, in the politest way possible."

"He never said that!" James interjected.

"He said he wanted to get to know me _slowly_. As in – not live with me. Did he have to spell it out for you?!"

Her voice was getting louder, and James thought it was probably time to diffuse the situation. He took the wooden spoon and moved around her to stir the onions, which had started to burn. There were chopped vegetables waiting ready on a cutting board next to the cob. He tipped them into the pan.

"Don't ignore me, James Potter," Lily said, snatching the spoon back and stirring the vegetables with unnecessary vigor, so a few leapt out of the pan.

"I'm not ignoring you. I'm…collecting my thoughts."

Lily snorted but went silent for the moment, watching him expectantly.

"You're right. I probably should have read between the lines of my conversation with Remus and said something to you. But I guess it's second nature for me to conceal his status, and I didn't see how I could tell you he was hesitant to live with you without making it sound like he didn't like you."

"You could have just said he's shy and reluctant to live with a near stranger – I would have understood that."

It all sounded so logical when she put it like that. The truth was, James had been so carried away by the idea of his best mate living with Lily that Remus' request hadn't even registered with him.

"I-yeah, you're right. I should've done that."

"Damn straight you should have!"

It seemed like Lily wanted to continue the argument, but James wasn't playing ball.

"Listen, Lily, you have every right to be frustrated with me. I was an idiot. But don't worry about Remus – he's not mad at you or anything. He knows it wasn't your fault."

"I'm not worried about Remus, James. I'm frustrated with you. Sometimes you get this idea in your head of how the world should be, and you try so hard to fix everything around you that you ignore what other people are trying to tell you."

"I know, I know. But you and Remus can still be flatmates! Now that you know, he doesn't have anything to hide."

"No, James, we can't."

She turned off the cob and turned to face him, folding her arms.

"Look, James, I appreciate that you're trying to help me. But I can't live with your best friend. What if we break up? Will you want to visit Remus if it means seeing me? Will I want to see you?"

James hadn't thought about that; he couldn't really envision breaking up with Lily.

"And what if we're having a fight, and Remus feels like he has to pick sides between his flatmate and his friend? Obviously he would pick your side, since you've been friends forever, but how uncomfortable do you think I would feel going home then?"

"Why didn't you mention all this stuff before?" James asked, feeling stupid.

"I didn't think of it," Lily said honestly. "I've been kind of…caught up in you."

James' insides twisted. He was pleased because that was exactly how he'd been feeling, but her use of the past tense was glaring.

"Been? You aren't any more?"

He must have looked as pathetic as he sounded, because Lily's face softened somewhat. She uncrossed her arms and moved to sit at the kitchen table, gesturing for him to sit as well.

"I really like you James," she said, leaning her elbows on the table top and forcing him to meet her eyes. "And part of me just wants to bask in that – spend every moment with you and not think about anything else. But sometimes – like today – reality intercedes. This is all so…intense. We've just started dating and I'm already living here! I've barely lived in London three months and you guys are basically my only friends. I can't depend on you for everything."

James knew what she was saying, but it still felt like she'd punched him in the gut. "Of course not, I wasn't trying to manipulate you or - "

"I know," she said gently, reaching across the table to grasp his hands. "I know, James. You're just doing what you always do – taking me in, trying to fix things for me. It's what you did for Sirius, for Remus, probably for Peter too. It's just what you do. But this is different – we're _dating_. And–and I see a future for us." She was blushing now, but she went on. "I want us to be together for a long time, but even the best couple have fights and need time apart and I think we need our own space at the beginning, while we're getting to know each other. While I'm getting to know London."

James had to acknowledge, she had a point. Even if he didn't like it.

"I've been thinking about moving back to the hostel."

He fought his immediate feeling of revulsion, and forced himself to say instead, "Can you afford that?"

"For a bit. If Rosmerta lets me pick up extra shifts."

"That doesn't seem like a great long term solution."

"It's not."

"What if we compromise. Stay here for two more weeks, and use the time when you were going to pick up new shifts to just focus on finding a new place. If you move to a hostel now, you'll be stuck in an endless cycle of working to pay for your bed, and you won't have time to look for a flat."

Lily considered this.

" _And_ I promise I'll ask all of my mates if they know of a place. I know a lot of people."

Lily cracked a small smile at this. "I know you do. I was at Peter's party, remember?"

"I do remember. Maybe you can live with Caradoc. You two certainly hit it off."

"Har har. I left him to talk to you, if you've forgotten."

"I haven't." He leaned forward across the table, and her lips met his willingly. She broke away too soon, however, saying, "We have to eat – I have to get to work, remember?"

James groaned.

"What are you whinging about, I'm the one who has to work! And you haven't even told me about your day!" She stood up to finish dinner, but James caught her around the waist.

"Are we ok, then?"

She leaned in close. "As long as you promise not to set me up to embarrass myself with any of your other mates, then yes, we're ok."

"Deal."


	15. Chapter 15

Between her two jobs, searching for a flat, and spending time with James, Lily spent far less time sleeping that week than she ought to have. Luckily, she seemed to be floating on a cloud of new love where nothing could touch her. Their squabble on Saturday aside, she and James seemed untouchable. He met her outside work every day and they stayed up until the wee hours talking and making love, wrapped up in one another. On Wednesday night, Lily was just heading out of work when her phone rang. She answered it as she stepped outside.

"Hello."

"Is this Lily Evans?"

"Yes, this is she…"

James, who had been lounging against the wall outside stepped forward and slipped his hand into hers, kissing her temple. She smiled at him and mouthed "One minute".

"This is Regulus Black."

Lily felt her eyebrows shoot up.

"Oh, hi Regulus."

She glanced up at James, who had stopped walking and was frowning down at her. She beckoned him closer, and he bent down so his ear was next to the receiver.

"Have you taken any action to deliver the note I gave you?"

"Er, yes. This past weekend Ja-er, I tried, but Dorcas Meadowes has been moved out of the Manor. She's been moved to - " She glanced up at James, the question clear in her eyes.

"Azkaban," he muttered.

" – to Azkaban."

"Azkaban?" Regulus exclaimed, and she couldn't tell over the phone whether he was alarmed or pleased by this development.

"That's right."

"R-right. Well, thank you, I-I can take it from here. I'll text you the details of where to meet me to pick up the money."

Lily glanced up at James; he was frowning and his brow was furrowed.

"But I didn't manage to deliver the note."

"You tried, and I'll keep my end of the bargain."

"Forget about it Regulus, keep the money. Good luck finding her."

She rang off.

"Why'd you do that?" James demanded immediately. "You _need_ that money."

"It doesn't feel right. Something odd is going on here, and I don't want it to come back to bite me in the arse – 'Lily Evans receives bribe money to hunt down detained immigrants.' I don't need money that badly."

James shrugged, although Lily could tell he didn't entirely agree. She pressed on.

"So, what'dya reckon? That was very odd. She's been moved and all of a sudden he doesn't need my help anymore." She slipped her phone back in her bag and recaptured James' hand.

"I know." James' voice was laced with frustration. "I just wish I knew what was going on at that company. Why do they keep buying detention centres? Why were they bribing politicians? Why are they so secretive about everything?"

Lily shrugged and steered James towards the tube entrance.

"I have no idea. And Peter hasn't been any help?"

"Negative. He says he doesn't know anything."

They were quiet on the tube, but when they resurfaced and made their way up to James' flat, Lily broke the silence.

"Well, this evening has been very mysterious, but I'm not quite hungry yet, and I can think of something we can do before dinner."

James grinned down at her as he unlocked the front door, and stepped back to let her pass first.

"I'm fairly confident I know what you mean."

All in all, Lily had far too much going on to attend to the everyday practicalities of life with her usual fastidiousness, and it took the comment of an intern at work to awaken her to the fact that she'd been wearing the same two outfits to work for the past three weeks. She really, _really_ didn't want to go back to her old flat to face Severus, but it was that or buy a whole new wardrobe, which she couldn't afford.

She considered her options carefully. She didn't want to go alone; she wasn't afraid of Severus, but she would like to get in and out as quickly as possible, and a second pair of hands would facilitate that. She knew James would come in a second, but she also knew that his presence would cause any confrontation with Severus to spiral out of control. The same was true of Sirius. Remus seemed the least likely to spark controversy, but she still felt bad about their conversation from the other day, and she didn't want to ask him for any favours at the moment. Since what she had said to James about he and his friends being her only companions in London was true, that left only Peter. She didn't know him as well as the others, but she really did want to change that. Besides Peter had a car, and that pretty much cemented him as Lily's choice.

He agreed somewhat reluctantly to pick her up at James and Sirius' flat on Saturday morning. To express her gratitude, she had cooked a big English breakfast. James and Sirius joined them, loudly scheming up revenge schemes if Severus tried to bother Lily or Peter. Lily had already expressly forbid them from coming anywhere near the flat, so most of their plans involved releasing embarrassing photos of Severus online. This sort of talk bothered Lily, but she didn't say anything. Bullying was always wrong, of course, but Severus' betrayal still burned, making her feel branded and stupid. Peter was quiet too, but whether that was because he didn't feel comfortable engaging in the conversation or because he was too busy wolfing down breakfast, Lily wasn't sure.

The rambunctious breakfast was a sharp contrast to the silence that enveloped them once she and Peter were in Peter's Suzuki. Peter was a very cautious driver, which was reassuring since his car made strange screeching noises when he applied the brakes.

After several minutes' quiet Lily said nervously, "Thank you so much for doing this with me, Peter."

He nodded, eyes darting sideways to glance at her.

"Severus probably won't be home," _liar_ "but if he is, I'd rather be with you than James or Sirius."

Peter gave a short laugh that didn't sound particularly humorous.

Another beat, then, "So how's work?"

Peter's eyes darted to her again. "Oh, um, it's ok. Pretty boring, actually. I don't do much. File papers. Admin stuff."

Lily wondered for a minute what James, Remus, and Sirius saw in Peter, then squashed the thought. _I just have to get to know him better._

"Got to start somewhere, right? Are there any promotions you've got your eye on?"

"Maybe." He gave another short laugh. "Sirius would probably kill me if he found out I wanted to stay there."

"Yeah, well, Sirius has got his own issues. I wouldn't pay him any mind over this."

Lily didn't know if she was really qualified to give advice on their friendship, but she had to say something.

"Have you ever tried to ignore Sirius on anything? He's always got to have his way, to be right."

The bitterness in his tone surprised Lily. James didn't talk very often about the dynamic between his friends, but she'd certainly never gotten the impression that things were still this bad.

"Well, he's certainly got strong opinions."

This seemed to irritate Peter.

"Strong opinions? He thinks everything's black and white. He's right, they're wrong. He's good, they're bad. He's got no subtlety either. He wouldn't last a minute in my position."

"Your position…at work?"

Peter flushed.

"No, I, er, I meant, in life. As me. In life."

Lily decided it was time to steer the conversation away from Sirius.

"You've all been friends for a long time. I'm jealous of that, I don't really have any friends left from before uni." _Severus was the last one._

"Yeah, and you'd think Sirius would remember that when he gives me crap. Our history. Everything I've done for him. Did he ever tell you that I looked after him the summer James' mum died?"

Lily shook her head. She knew James' mother had died suddenly in a car crash the summer before the boys' final year of A-levels, but James hadn't given her details.

"I was the one who had to tell Sirius she was in the dead. And then I was the one who had to make sure he took his meds and didn't off himself. And now he treats me like I've betrayed him or something."

"Sorry?"

"He was suicidal. I was the one who had to go into his parents' house. He'd been in his room for three weeks straight, Regulus told me. Depressed. Suicidal. And the Potters weren't around to take care of things, so Remus and I had to take him to the hospital. And I had to look after him."

Peter said all of this in a rush, as though he'd been holding in this resentment. Lily wondered whether he'd wanted to tell someone this for ages, to get his side of the story out into the world.

"You'd think he'd be a little more grateful. The Blacks are all so proud. They think they're better than the rest of us. They never say thank you."

"Maybe he's embarrassed. You saw him at his lowest point."

"Sure," Peter said, but Lily could tell he disagreed.

They were silent then; Lily couldn't think of anything more to say, and Peter seemed to have exhausted his piece on the subject. Lily barely noticed where they were until Peter slowed and turned on his blinker to park.

"This is it, right?"

"Wha-oh, yeah."

Peter parked and they collected the duffel bags Lily had borrowed from James and Sirius out of the boot. Lily was having trouble meeting Peter's eye, and she walked ahead of him to the door, digging her old key out of her jeans pocket. They trooped up the dingy stairwell and Lily cautiously unlocked the door, automatically looking for Severus' coat on the hook by the door. It wasn't there. Breathing out a sigh of relief, Lily beckoned to Peter.

"Come on in, we're alone."

They set to work packing. Lily asked Peter to start with her books, because the idea of him handling her clothes was slightly weird. Lily felt numb. The real end of her decade-long friendship with Severus, the fact that she was sneaking out of her first London apartment – she was forcing these feelings down, to be dealt with later. Right now she had a job to do.

They finished off her bedroom and began emptying her half of the kitchen cabinets. Lily was just wondering whether it would be a low blow to take the kettle (she _had_ purchased it) when the front door swung open. Lily turned, and through the kitchen door made eye contact with Severus. He had his key out – he'd clearly been startled by the unlocked door. He looked the same as ever – long hair pulled back into a low ponytail, thin windbreaker over a black sweatshirt. She watched as his face registered shock and then, for a moment, relief. But then he spotted Peter, and his eyes flickered over the half packed boxes. His expression contorted.

"So Potter's sharing you with his friends now."

He dropped his knapsack and advanced into the room, not bothering to close the front door. It took Lily a moment to process the insinuation, but once she did her fury reared up, as though it had been waiting, ready.

"Actually, Severus, you're the only one who views me as personal property."

He blinked, opened his mouth, and closed it again. He looked utterly lost for words. Lily gave him her most contemptuous look, and turned back to packing, her heart hammering.

"Lily," came Severus' voice, and now he sounded desperate. Lily did not look up.

"Lily, listen to me, at least just look at me. You can't do this, you can't just _move out._ We need to talk about this. You're the one who's always going on about good communication."

"I've tried to talk about this," Lily said, before she could stop herself. "But communication needs to go two ways - "

"It _will_ , Lily, I promise!"

Lily spared him a disparaging look, then went back to packing.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Pettigrew," Severus sneered, acknowledging Peter's presence for the first time. "Although I shouldn't be – you've already betrayed Potter once."

Lily had no idea what Severus was talking about, but she assumed it was some schoolboy prank reference; when she glanced up, however, Peter looked disproportionately terrified.

"I – I don't know what you're talking about," Peter squeaked.

"Oh don't you," Severus said silkily.

Lily decided to intercede. "Peter, we're done here. Please bring that box downstairs. I'll be there in a minute."

Peter looked only too happy to exit the scene. As soon as the door had swung shut behind him, Severus turned back to Lily, his face drawn.

"Lily, please, don't do this."

Lily didn't answer. Severus tried a different tactic.

"I can't believe you, of all people, are moving in with James Potter. You've always said you hate bullies."

Lily slammed the cabinet shut and hoisted the last box into her arms. She was done packing and she was done, she now realized, with Severus. She was done with going in circles around the same old arguments. She was done with being made to feel wrong all the time, being made to feel small.

"Goodbye, Severus. I wish things could have ended differently."

And she moved past him and out the door before he could say another word.

She and Peter rode back to James' flat in silence. They unloaded the boxes and bags, and while they were doing so, James and Sirius came down to help. The site of Sirius reminded Lily of the things Peter had told her – but it was all too much right now. She couldn't process other people's problems on top of her own. James made her a cup of tea, but it went cold while she sat at the kitchen table. James sat beside her, quiet though she knew he must be bursting to ask her questions.

Finally, seemingly unable to stop himself, he tentatively asked, "So how'd it go?"

She sighed. "Honestly, about as well as I could have expected. Severus came in towards the end, said some nasty things, but it could have been worse."

She glanced up at him. He was watching her closely, his eyes full of concern.

"I'll be ok. It'll take some time, but I know I'll be ok."

"I know you will."

She glanced around. Peter was long gone, and Sirius' door was open, which meant he'd gone out.

"Peter told me about the summer your mum died. And about Sirius' depression."

James' eyebrows shot up.

"What?!"

"Yeah. I'm not really sure why, either. It was kind of out of the blue. I think he feels hurt that Sirius is mad at him now because he took care of Sirius then."

James looked positively stunned at this. Neither of them spoke for a long time.

"That summer was awful," James said at last. "I don't really remember that much. We hadn't seen Sirius much the first few weeks, and every time we did see him all he wanted to do was drink. I was worried about him. But then my mum died and I just sort of…forgot." Pain and guilt filled his face, and Lily immediately stood up and went to him, putting her arms around him.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Maybe not. But I couldn't even tell him myself that mum was dead. Peter's right, he had to do it. And later, Remus told me that he and Peter had to go drag Sirius out of his house, because he hadn't been eating or anything, just sitting in his room, drinking. His family just left him there. He might've died if Regulus hadn't told Remus what was going on. And then they had to take him to the hospital, and he was diagnosed with depression and given all these meds and he wasn't supposed to drink anymore, but I kept asking him to get drunk with me. I was so stupid."

"You were mourning."

"I was just dragging him down with me. And Remus was sick a lot, so he was in and out. Peter's right, he was the one who held us together. And we never thanked him."

"It's not too late."

"I dunno. It might be."

Lily thought of Severus. Sometimes things happened, even between the best of friends, and when they went unacknowledged they could poison the friendship beyond repair. She knew this. But she had to hold onto the feeling that it wasn't too late for James and his friends.

"Try. At least try."

"Yeah," James nodded. "That's all I can do."

They sat there for a few minutes, Lily half on James' lap, her arm still around him, rubbing small circles all over his back.

"Lily. Want to go to bed and forget this whole day?"

"Yes."

Lily would have loved to spend the rest of the weekend under the blankets with James, inside their protected cocoon. But she couldn't afford such a luxury – she really needed to find a flat. She spent all of Sunday searching and arrived back at the flat that night exhausted and discouraged. Sirius had made some sort of stew, and he and James were sitting at the table, drinking beer and talking seriously. Lily wondered if they were discussing Peter.

As soon as she kicked off her shoes and entered the kitchen, James stood up to wrap her in his arms. She collapsed against him, clinging to his warmth.

"Any luck?" he murmured. She shook her head, and he gave her an extra squeeze before releasing her and steering her into the seat next to Sirius.

"Let me get you some dinner then."

"And I will get you some beer, which will be infinitely more valuable in forgetting your troubles," Sirius said. Lily was reminded of the summer he tried to drink himself into oblivion, and gave herself a little shake.

"Thanks," she said gratefully to both men. Once supplied with food and drink, Lily dug in.

"So, searching for a flat in London while broke is harder than you thought," Sirius asked, somewhat sardonically. Lily rolled her eyes.

"It's so competitive, everyone feels like they can ask you a million questions. 'What do you do for work?' 'How much do you make?' 'What are your hobbies?' 'What do you look for in flatmates?' 'What're your social media accounts?' 'What's your spirit animal?'"

"A dog," Sirius said at once.

"See, you're more prepared than I was. I just opened and closed my mouth like a goldfish. And honestly, the social media thing just seems invasive."

"Well, they want to make sure you don't post cracked up shit."

"There are plenty of people who think cracked up shit who don't post it."

"Yeah, but there are also plenty of people who do. Some bloke at work just got fired the other day because he posted all about my boss' affair on facebook."

"Wow, facebook taboo number one – don't post about your work."

James, who had been smirking and sipping his beer suddenly sprayed beer all over the table. Sirius thumped him on the back.

"Don't worry, mate, you don't have a job, you can't fuck up."

"Wait – do you think people at T.M. Riddle post about work?"

Both Sirius and Lily stared at him.

"Um, probably."

"Why?"

"I've been trying all week to dig up information on that damned company, and I can barely find anything, you'd think they were the bleeding Free Masons."

"Well, it's worth a shot," Sirius said. "There are a lot of idiots who work there – I'm sure one of them will have been daft enough to brag about their top secret job somewhere on the world wide web."

James was nodding, already pulling out his phone. Lily sighed and dug into her stew.

The next day was a long one for Lily. She hadn't had a chance to rest that weekend, and her lack of sleep seemed to be catching up to her. She was supposed to be supervising the new interns on top of everything else, and they seemed to be constantly waiting around for her to tell them what to do. By the time she left she had a blaring headache, and a text from one of the flats she'd visited yesterday saying the room was taken didn't cheer her up. She dragged herself back to James', but as soon as she walked through the door and smelled roast potato, she couldn't help but cheer up. Damn, but James was making it hard to want to search for a new flat.

The man himself was sitting at the kitchen table, twirling an empty beer bottle and staring absentmindedly into space. Lily kicked her shoes off at the door and padded over to him, encircling him from behind with her arms and planting a kiss on his cheek.

"What're you looking at?"

"The wall," he replied, turning to catch her lips in a kiss. Lily started to deepen the kiss, but she could tell James was distracted, so she broke away, her face still close to his.

"What's up?"

"I've found some things, potentially about T.M. Riddle."

"Potentially?" she asked, pulling out the chair next to him and taking a seat.

"Well, written by employees. I obviously don't have any confirmation that their opinions reflect the policies of the company, but it's still...unsettling."

"Like what?"

"Well, first I started following the twitter feed of this absolute idiot called Crabbe. He's not even high up, as far as I can tell, but he _loves_ T.M. Riddle. He retweets all this crap about how immigrants are bankrupting our country and ruining our moral fiber and we need save our culture, yada yada, and then brags about how these are the values T.M. Riddle is working to uphold, and if more companies were like his, we'd all be better off."

"So, there're some bigots working there. That's not surprising, nor is it indicative of the whole company."

"It gets worse. I noticed that Crabbe retweeted this one user called riddleswarrior a lot, so I investigated. Turns out that's the account of Bellatrix Lestrange, Sirius' cousin and a nutter if I ever knew one. Bit more digging – come to find Bellatrix has a blog where she rants and raves in more than 140 characters. She talks about how the politicians have failed us, and how, in this age of globalization, we have to turn to science to purify our nation."

"I don't understand…"

"Eugenics, Lily."

There was a pause, during which Lily tried to digest this.

"So, basically," James continued, "this incredibly powerful scientific advance is potentially in the hands of people who want to create a pure and perfect race, who want to separate the haves from the have-nots on a genetic level."

"It's like a nightmare, _Gattaca_ scenario."

"Conceivably. I mean, obviously I have no proof that the company is pursuing anything shady -"

"Besides the fact that they're being taken to court for bribing politicians."

"Yeah, besides that."

Lily brushed her hair back out of her face, biting her lip. "I don't understand, though. If they hate immigrants so much, why are they buying up detention centres?"

"I mean, if – and this is a bit if – the company as a whole wants to pursue some sort of 'pure race', maybe they're just trying to ensure that the deportation process happens faster."

"Maaaaybe. But that seems like an awful lot of work and money to marginally speed up a bureaucratic process. They'd be so much better off just focusing on their science, if that's really their end goal."

"I know."

"Besides. This is based on the social media accounts of _two_ employees. Would you want someone to judge _The Quibbler_ based on the social media accounts of your coworkers?"

"Well, no but…Lily, you may not like this, but I've been thinking." He ran his hand through his hair agitatedly and turned in his chair to face her fully. "I still have the note Regulus gave you."

"Yeah, I definitely don't like what you've been thinking. I am _not_ – hear me, _not_ – reading someone else's private correspondence."

"But Regulus gave it to you and he didn't ask for it back even after he asked you to abort the mission."

"James, that's so dishonest! We're not snooping to satisfy our own curiosity, or to help you write your article!"

"It's more than that, Lily. There's something fishy going on here, and we know that at least two employees are potentially supporters of eugenics who believe their company is taking action to buttress their beliefs. We're not trying to learn about Regulus' life – we can just scan the letter, and if it's about something completely unrelated, we won't read any further. But what if it isn't? Regulus was afraid to deliver it himself in case any of his coworkers or family saw him there."

"Because he was ashamed to be in contact with someone in a detention centre, obviously."

"What if it was more than shame? What if he was afraid something might happen to Dorcas Meadowes?"

"Now you're just being melodramatic." But Lily could already feel that he'd won the argument. She kept trying to resist the pull of her own curiosity, though, because it felt so deceitful to read the letter."

"Think about it Lily. People in detention centres aren't cut off from the internet. They can take phone calls. He could have reached out to her in a million ways – why write a letter and pay off a woman you don't even know to deliver it? Regulus must be either really weird or really paranoid."

There was a long silence. Lily got up from the chair and opened the oven, ostensibly checking on the potatoes. They had begun to brown, so she grabbed an oven mitt and took the tray out. She switched off the oven and turned to face James.

"Fine. But _I'm_ going to scan the letter first. You'll just get distracted and start reading in depth."

He bolted up immediately, obviously trying to disguise his indecent excitement, and moved quickly down the hall to retrieve the letter from his room. Lily sat back down at the table and waited, her eyes on her clasped hands. He reemerged a moment later, the letter clutched in his hand. He set it down in front of Lily and sat back down on the edge of his seat. She reached for the letter and tore open the envelope. There was a single sheet of white lined paper inside, which Lily withdrew. The note was short. Lily scanned it, and quickly ascertained that there were no declarations of love or overtly sexual comments. Her curiosity finally got the better of her, and she read the note in full.

 _Dorcas –_

 _You have to believe it wasn't me, it was Bellatrix. They're all determined to get you out of the country, but there is a way to stay. You just have to trust me. I've told you some of what we do at the lab. They'll be asking for volunteers soon – please say yes, Dorcas. You could stay, become a real microbiologist, like you always wanted. They'd pay for you to continue uni. Don't ruin this chance for yourself. For us._

 _Regulus_

She silently handed the note over to James, and looked back at her clasped hands, waiting for his reaction. Her own mind was spinning.

"Bloody hell. What d'you reckon?" he said finally.

"I guess…he was offering her a chance to stay in the UK."

"As what? A volunteer in the lab? He said 'they' are determined to get her out of the country – so why would she be offered a position at T.M. Riddle?"

Lily didn't know the answer to this. She pulled the letter back towards her. "Bellatrix – you don't reckon that's the same woman who's blog you read?"

"Must be – how many people saddle their kids with a name like 'Bellatrix'?"

"So 'they' must be the other employees at T.M. Riddle," Lily said slowly.

"Bellatrix is also Regulus' cousin. So it could just as easily mean his family."

"Is the entirety of T.M. Riddle run by Sirius' family?"

"What's that?" interjected a new voice. Sirius had emerged from his room, pulling a football jersey over his bare chest.

James and Lily exchanged looks. Lily could tell immediately that James was asking her permission to share the letter with Sirius. She realized, with a jolt, that they'd never told Sirius his brother had come to her for help. It was probably time they came clean. She gave a small nod and James took a breath.

"What's going on?" Sirius sounded increasingly annoyed, and Lily knew her and James' silent conversation had not gone unnoticed. Sirius was used to being the one James had exclusive conversations with.

"Regulus reached out to Lily."

"W-What?"

"A few weeks ago. He wanted her to deliver a letter to someone called Dorcas Meadowes at The Manor Detention Centre. That's part of why I went there for my story – to find Dorcas."

Sirius' breathing seemed to have become shallow, and his fists were clenching.

"And were you ever going to mention this?"

"I was waiting to see what happened at the Manor. But she wasn't there – she'd been moved. Then Regulus called Lily again, and when she told him Dorcas had been moved, he told her not to worry about the letter anymore. But we were still suspicious about what's going on at T.M. Riddle, so we read it – the letter."

Sirius' eyes darted down to the table, where the lined piece of paper lay open. Without asking permission, he snatched it up and read the note quickly. Lily glanced at James; he was watching Sirius intently, looking apprehensive. Suddenly, unexpectedly, Sirius gave a bark of laughter. He threw the note back down on the table, his lips curling – whether in disgust or amusement, Lily couldn't tell.

"So that's it. After all those years of being the perfect son, Regulus screws it all up over a girl. He's such a fucking idiot."

"A girl? What?" James said, looking bewildered. Sirius and Lily both looked at him, then at each other. Sirius rolled his eyes, and Lily couldn't hold back a small laugh.

"What am I missing?" James said, looking from one to the other.

" 'For us', James? You didn't pick up on that? Regulus and this bird obviously had a thing going before she was arrested, and now he's trying to get her out. Probably because she's the only woman who'd ever willingly be seen with him. God, for a hopeless romantic you're such an ignorant prick sometimes, Prongs."

James seized the letter and read it over. Sirius rolled his eyes again. All things considered, it could have been a worse reaction. But he still looked resentful.

"Sirius," Lily said quietly, and his grey eyes met hers challengingly. "I wasn't trying to keep you in the dark. But I'm estranged from my sister too, and I just thought – if she was making weird requests of my friends, I wouldn't want them to bring it up unless there was something there. She isn't worth thinking about more than necessary. That's the only reason I didn't tell you."

Sirius' expression didn't soften, but he didn't seem about to explode in anger either. He turned to the fridge, pulled out three beers, and popped the caps off. Then he sat down, took a long draw from his own, and said, "So what's my idiot brother got himself mixed up in this time?"

Lily let James explain. She was watching Sirius closely. She had been around him enough to know that his reactions to any mention of his family did not represent who he was as a whole. She still hadn't forgiven him for punching Severus, but she did understand better now why that particular topic set him off.

It took James a few minutes to fill Sirius in on everything James and Lily had learned about T.M. Riddle over the past few weeks. By this time, Lily had set the tray of potatoes and a bottle of vinegar on the table, and they were all digging in with their fingers. When James finished, Sirius stared off into space for a few minutes.

Finally, he said, "So you reckon Regulus is going to go to Azkaban to talk to Dorcas in person?"

Lily and James glanced at each other. "I mean, we don't know that," Lily said finally.

"It makes sense, though," Sirius said, still staring off into space. "He really wanted to get this note to Dorcas, enough that he was willing to entrust it to Evans here. But he finds out she's been moved and he suddenly drops the whole thing?"

"Maybe he decided it was too risky?"

"No, that's not like Regulus. You don't understand him – he's obsessive. Latches onto something and won't let go." Sirius turned to James. "We should get there first."

Lily didn't have a clue what he was talking about, but James' face passed from confusion to thoughtfulness very quickly.

"I don't see how we could…" he said slowly.

"I do," said Sirius, and he stood up and headed back towards his room. Lily looked at James.

"What's he talking about?"

"He thinks we should go to Azkaban and talk to Dorcas in person, before Regulus does."

"W-what?" Lily spluttered.

"It's not a bad idea," James continued pensively. "It's just a question of how. Moody doesn't do work there, and going the legal aid route again might take too long."

"James, I don't think - " Lily started, but then Sirius reentered the kitchen. He slapped something down on the table. It was an ID badge. 'Sirius Orion Black' was printed across the top, right under the company name – T.M. Riddle.

"When did you get this?" James demanded.

"Right after we graduated from uni. Regulus convinced my family to give me another shot. He showed up one day with this badge, and said there was a job for me at T.M. Riddle if I wanted it – I could still rejoin the family, it wasn't too late, yada yada. I punched him."

"But you kept the badge," James stated.

"He must have dropped it when we were fighting. It got swept under my bed and I didn't find it until a few months ago."

"You hadn't cleaned under your bed for two years?" Lily asked, disgusted. Sirius levelled her with a look.

"I tossed it in the bin in my room, but I hadn't taken the rubbish out yet."

"So, what're you saying, Padfoot?"

"I'm saying we get in there, talk to this Dorcas Meadowes, and find out what's going on."

Lily looked from one to the other. James was nodding, considering.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said. "Impersonating an employee to break into a detention centre? Do you know how much trouble you could get into?"

"Not if I'm not caught," Sirius said calmly.

"But you will be!"

"What if…" James began, "What if we find out when Regulus was planning on going. Then we show up half an hour earlier. Tell the guards they must have gotten the names mixed up, that _Sirius_ Black had an appointment that day, not _Regulus_ Black. Then it'll seem less suspicious."

"And how are we going to find out when Regulus is going?" she said skeptically.

"Peter," James said. "He's Regulus' assistant – he probably has access to his calendar."

Lily's ready-made retort died on her lips. That was actually sort of brilliant.

"Padfoot and Prongs, back in business," Sirius said, clapping James on the back.

"This isn't some stupid prank!" Lily protested. "This isn't school, this is real life. You could get _arrested_."

"Lily, you know there's something wrong with this whole situation. You _know_ there is. And nobody seems able to stop it."

"So we're going to play detective?"

"You were the one who wanted James to be an investigative journalist," Sirius inserted, rather aggressively.

"Yes, but not to break the law!"

"Sometimes you've got to break the law to discover the truth."

Lily opened her mouth to argue, but Sirius cut her off.

"You said it when I came in – my family basically runs that place. They may hate me. They may have disowned me. But no way in hell do they want to Black name on the arrest pages of the paper. If I get caught, my family'll make sure I'm not thrown in prison."

"What will they do instead?"

"Nothing they do can hurt me anymore. I don't care what they think."

Lily knew this was an outright lie, but she could also feel that Sirius was going to go ahead, with or without her. He obviously cared – if he didn't, he wouldn't be trying so hard to figure out what Regulus and T.M. Riddle were up to. The same way she wanted to know, desperately, because of Severus. She glanced over at James.

"Sirius is a very good liar," he offered with a half-smile.

She rolled her eyes and let out a huff of irritation.

"Fine. But any plan gets run past me first, understood?"

"Aye-aye, captain," said James and Sirius in unison.


	16. Chapter 16

Things had been tense between his oldest friends of late, but when James sent out the SOS call, the Marauders came through. They met on Thursday, which was Lily's night working at the pub. James had wanted it to be just the four of them, plotting, like all those times before. _Of course_ , a small voice that sounded uncannily like Lily's kept reminding him, _this isn't just some prank._ He _knew_ it wasn't, but he would still seize the chance to revitalize their friendships.

He had called Peter Monday night, after he, Lily, and Sirius had talked. It had taken a great deal of persuasion, but eventually Peter had agreed to check his boss' calendar. He'd called James back Tuesday evening and said Regulus had an afternoon blocked off the following Monday when he would be out of the office. When Peter had inquired about it, Regulus had muttered something about checking on their new facilities.

"That's it, Pete! That's got to be it!" James had exclaimed. "Great job."

Peter hadn't seemed as thrilled to receive the complement as he once might have been, but James was going to fix it.

Peter showed up first, while James was still in the kitchen trying not to burn the burgers. Sirius grabbed Peter in a headlock the moment he entered the door and said, "Here's our inside man!"

Remus came a bit late from work, but he brought wine.

"I've got a flat!" he cried upon entering.

Peter, who was devouring chips and salsa at the coffee table, said, "Wow, congrats Moony!"

Sirius looked up from setting up the playstation.

"Is there enough room for your new flatmate Sirius? I've been replaced here."

"Hey!" cried James from the kitchen.

"No, there's not enough room for you, Sirius," Remus replied, setting the wine down on the coffee table and shucking off his coat. "Or any of you ingrates. It's a tiny, dirty studio that's a 40-minute commute from work, but it's _mine_ – for the next year, anyway."

"A toast!" James cried, reappearing with whiskey and shot glasses. "To Remus' new place!"

"To Remus' new face!" Sirius cried.

"I haven't seen you all at once since the hospital," Remus said, "and I haven't missed you at all."

James felt a guilty lurch in the pit of his stomach. Had it really been that long? But next second Remus had sat down next to Peter and Sirius was passing out controllers, and it felt, for a moment, like everything was back to normal.

"We should make Thursdays Marauder nights," James slurred, sometime later. He was lying half on top of Peter, who was trying to balance a beer on his stomach. Remus and Sirius were huddled in the same armchair, looking through motorcycle magazines and discussing electrical wiring. Sirius looked up.

"Yeah, one night with the lads and six nights with the bird."

"Hey, that's not fair! Why do you hate Lily so much?" James whined.

"I don't hate her, mate."

When James looked skeptical, Sirius reiterated, "I don't Prongs, really. Actually, she's got me thinking, I kind of like all this 'fuck the man' work. I admire what she does. Maybe I could be one of those guys with a megaphone outside Parliament, rousing up some protesters.

"You'd be good at that," Peter said, rolling his eyes.

"I would, actually!"

"What about the motorcycle shop?" Remus asked.

"I dunno, I might be outgrowing it a bit. Got to find the next profession that will annoy my family to the max."

"At least you have a goal in life," sighed Remus.

"Do you guys ever think, I dunno, that maybe your best days are behind you?" Peter asked, looking around at them all.

It took James' more than tipsy brain a long time to process this. Their best days?

"You mean…Hogwarts?"

"Yeah. Like, maybe that was when we were at our peak, and from here on out things are going to be harder, more boring, lonelier."

James was shocked that Peter would think such a thing. Sure, Hogwarts had been great, but life kept getting better in his opinion.

"I used to think that," Remus said slowly. "At Hogwarts I would tell myself that this was the most I could expect from life – that I wouldn't live that long anyway, and maybe no one would want to hire me. But now that I'm out, I guess I've realized how much fear I lived in at Hogwarts. It was such a small school, with so much gossip. I was constantly afraid that someone would find out I had HIV, and that would be the end of my social life. Nobody would want to touch me."

"We knew!" James cried. "And we didn't care!"

"Yes, but I assumed you three would be the exception to the general rule. Now that I'm out…well, it's kind of nice to be anonymous in a big city. And science has advanced so much, now it feels like maybe I'll live more of a normal life. Not to mention social gains. I've thought about going out for a teacher certificate, and that's not something I ever allowed myself to dream of before. And there's more support out here. People I can talk to who understand what it's like to live with this condition."

There was silence after Remus said this. James was dying to say that they understood – he, Sirius, and Peter – but he knew that wasn't true. Sirius didn't look happy with what Remus had said either, but he also held his tongue. Peter, however, sighed.

"Yeah. It really feels like we don't depend on each other as much anymore."

Now Sirius looked really furious.

"Oh, you're too good for us now, Peter?"

"That's not what I - "

"But it's what you implied."

"No it's not, Sirius," Remus interjected firmly. "Peter, I know we haven't been spending as much time together, but you know you can always come to us if you need anything, right?"

"Or even if you just want to hang out. I still think we should make Thursday night Marauder's Night," James piped up.

"Of course you do, Prongs," Sirius groaned, "You always liked to come up with stupid nicknames and traditions." But the potential fight seemed to have been averted.

The rest of the night passed well enough, and if they spent more time reliving old pranks than planning for their upcoming law breaking excursion, James was sure it would be fine. Lily got home, but at the site of them sprawled out on the couch and floor, furiously battling on the playstation, she dropped a kiss on James' head and said, "I guess I'm turning in early." James threw her a grateful look as she went to get a cup of water, and she winked.

Peter left first, at the positively early hour of one. Remus got up and stretched as the door shut behind Peter, and said, "I should be on my way as well."

Sirius groaned loudly from where he was on the floor, but that may have been because he was still mourning his last Guitar Hero loss, and not because he cared that everyone was going. James was lying on the couch, his head lolling on his shoulder, feeling drunk and at peace with the world. That is, he felt that way until Remus turned a beady eye to him, and said, "Are you sure Peter doesn't mind us messing with his workplace?" James blinked up at him blearily. "What'dyou mean? Wormy loves being at the centre of things." Remus just shrugged, and James had had enough meddling and thinking about people's feelings for one night. He bid Remus goodbye, brushed his teeth, and curled up next to Lily in bed, feeling content.

James spent most of Friday writing the background portion of his article. It wouldn't be much of a breakthrough story as is, so a lot was hanging on what Dorcas had to say about the company and whatever volunteer position they were offering her. Sirius went to help Remus pack that evening, so he and Lily spent a quiet night in, ostensibly watching a movie while really making out on the couch. As the credits rolled, James sat up a bit and stretched.

"So…movie's over. Real classic, that one. Did you see that part where that guy did that thing?"

"Yeah, I know exactly what part you're talking about," Lily laughed, and pulled him down for another kiss; James felt that thrill he got sometimes, with her, running up his spine, that almost made him shiver. His skin tingled.

Much later, they lay in their favorite position on the bed (they'd moved rapidly to the bedroom when they heard Sirius stomping up the stairs). James had sprawled on his back and Lily's head was resting on his chest, her legs intertwined with his. James was savoring the low burn of contentment in his chest, enjoying the feel or running his hand through Lily's hair. But there was something that had been nagging on his mind and now was as good a time as any to bring it up.

"Lily?"

"Hmm."

"Have you given much thought to what you're going to do after the Phoenix Fellowship is over?"

"A bit," Lily said hesitantly. "I've been asking myself lately whether I want to remain in policy. I've always stuck with it because I felt like that was the only way to make real change. But now I'm surrounded by people who always have their own career at the forefront. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are some incredible people at the Phoenix Foundation. But I'm not sure how many more old white men I can take talking in circles about immigration policy before I punch someone." She gave a soft laugh. "My mum always warned me that I was ill-suited to figuring out when I needed to lose the battles to win the war; I'm always fighting. You don't seem very good at that either."

"Nope," James agreed. "That's why I decided not to follow my father into the world of politics…despite my undeniable charms."

Lily snorted. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Politics would have chewed you up and spit you back out. You actually have to write _rules_ in politics."

"Best way to know how to break laws is to write them. But I preferred to retain my dignity and join the fourth estate. Dumbledore, though, he's a master. He's well-connected, too, as is McGonagall. With their recommendations, you could definitely get a job…if you wanted to stay in London."

He tried to sound casual, but he thought Lily must have understood his unvoiced question, for she shifted closer to him, allowing his arm to come around her fully.

"Some days I miss my mother so much. I just want to sit with her; we don't even have to talk. Over the phone's not the same. I miss Edinburgh, too – but there are lots of opportunities here, and besides, I want to stay with you."

"You do?" James felt childishly delighted and he knew he sounded it, but he couldn't make himself care much now. Lily laughed.

"You're stuck with me as long as you'll have me."

James rolled over so he was propped up on his elbows on top of her, his heart pounding.

"What if I say I'll have you forever."

He watched a flush creep up Lily's neck, and he could feel her heart speeding up under him, but her eyes remained locked on his.

"I'd say we should keep that in mind and reopen the case in a year or so."

Her voice was light, but her eyes were serious and James couldn't stop himself from bending down to press his lips to hers, followed by several more all over her face. She laughed and tried to push him off her, but he resisted, trying to tickle her. She kicked out at him, shrieking, and he finally rolled onto his side, propped up on his elbow and pressed against the length of her body.

"You know, I'm not opposed to moving out of London. I'd love a bit of adventure. And I'm a writer, so I can follow you wherever you'd like to go."

"What about Sirius? Could he survive without you?"

"Good point. We might have to pack him in a suitcase. He can do the cooking for us."

"No thank you. I've had Sirius' spaghetti, and it's nothing to be proud of.

* * *

"I look like a douchebag."

It was Wednesday morning, and Sirius stood before James, the picture of careless elegance in his best suit. His hair was slicked back, his shoes were polished, and he wore a Black family ring that James hadn't realized he still had. The sneer on his face could easily be mistaken for one of supercilious superiority, rather than disgust at his own reflection.

"Come on, stop gazing at yourself and let's get going."

James was also dressed in a dark suit, although it was less flashy than Sirius'. He would be playing Sirius' driver, and they had borrowed his fathers' car for the occasion (without specifying why exactly they needed it). Lily and Remus were staking out the headquarters of T.M. Riddle in Peter's old car. Peter himself was at work, but he was supposed to be the first line of defense if Regulus tried to leave early.

The two-hour drive to Azkaban was largely silent, giving James lots of time to dwell on everything that could go wrong. It hadn't been like this when they'd been at school. Nothing seemed to have consequences at that time; at least, not any consequences James had cared about.

A couple of miles before Azkaban, they came up over a ridge and the sea was suddenly spread out before them, glinting dully in the grey English light.

"A sea view. How nice," Sirius deadpanned.

James pulled over to get petrol and Sirius, stretching and cracking his back, crawled into the back seat. Feeling a bit odd, James got back in the drivers' side and continued on down the road. He could feel the pulse in his fingertips now, thrumming against the steering wheel. He glanced at Sirius in the rearview mirror. His mate was lounging with his tie loosened and his characteristic expression of indifference, but James knew his tells – Sirius' fingers were drumming incessantly against his knee.

"Got the signals down, mate?"

Sirius snorted. "Please. What am I, an amateur? You sound like Moony.""

"Well, since he's not with us I figured somebody had to go all barmy."

"Hope this doesn't reflect badly on Pete," Sirius said, out of the blue.

James actually twisted dangerously around in his seat to meet Sirius' eye. Sirius refused to look at him, gazing out of the window.

"I expected you to be _hoping_ it would reflect badly on him, and he'd be fired from that place."

"What kind of shit mate do you think I am?"

Sirius sounded genuinely offended, and James chose to refrain from reminding Sirius of all of the months he'd given Peter the cold shoulder after he'd taken the job.

"Besides, having a man on the inside was useful once, right?"

James couldn't deny this – there was no way they could have pulled this off without Peter.

"Well that's even bleaker than I expected."

Startled out of his thoughts, James became aware that they had rounded a bend and were now within sight of the imposing gates of Azkaban. If the Manor had failed to look the part of a detention centre from the outside, Azkaban made up for it. Perched on a cliff overlooking the icy cold sea, brutalist concrete architecture, few windows, and tall, barbed wire topped fences. James' heart started to beat rather quickly, as he slowed and turned right into the drive.

"Right. You're on, most noble and ancient house of Black."

Sirius rolled down his window as they pulled up to the security booth.

"Afternoon," he said lazily to the guard there. "The name's Black." He held out his I.D. "I'm here to meet with a detainee."

The security guard examined Sirius' I.D., then clicked some buttons on his computer, looking confused.

"I have here that a _Regulus_ Black has an appointment with Dorcas Meadowes, and we weren't expecting him until this afternoon."

"Jesus, Pettigrew," Sirius sighed scornfully. "He's always mucking up our appointments. Regulus is my brother, who works at the firm with me."

"I – I may have to call my supervisor - " started the guard.

Sirius snorted. "Fine. But your supervisor's going to demote your ass."

The guard looked startled. Sirius rolled his eyes in a way that James had seen so many times.

"Come on. My cousin Bellatrix Lestrange negotiated to purchase this place. My cousin Narcissa Black recently married Lucius Malfoy – yeah, heard of him? Pretty important M.P. – and they provided the financial backing. So, by all means, call your supervisor. It's not like I've got anything better to do than wait for your absurd bureaucracy."

For one paralyzed moment, James was afraid Sirius had misread the guard by pulling out these fabricated family stories, but then, with a nervous swallow, the security guard said, "Well, I suppose I can see from your I.D. that you work with T.M. Riddle."

Sirius didn't show any reaction, just lounged back in the seat as though he couldn't care less about the guard's dilemma.

"All right, Mr. Black, sir."

The guard handed back his I.D. and pushed the button to open the gate.

"That was brilliant, Padfoot!" James exclaimed, as soon as the window was rolled up.

"I love dropping my family's name in an effort to screw them over," Sirius said, looking immensely satisfied with himself.

"Well, get in there, drop a few names, and get back out. Text me when you're leaving and I'll pull the car around."

Sirius gave James a mock salute and opened the car door, disappearing moments later into the imposing fortress of Azkaban. James parked the car and prepared to wait. He had originally hoped to sneak around a bit to try and get some photographs, but abandoned the idea when Lily pointed out it _might_ tip someone off to their suspicious intentions. He therefore stayed in the car, his leg jiggling, checking his phone every few seconds. He hoped Sirius would be quick. He hoped the guard wouldn't get into trouble. He hoped Regulus wouldn't decide to leave early.

After two minutes, he finally broke down and texted Lily.

 _How's it going?_

The response came back almost instantaneously.

 _All clear. You?_

 _So far, so good. Sirius just went inside._

She sent back a smiley face. James was tempted to call her, but decided he needed to be on alert. The next 20 minutes passed without incident; James had to keep reminding himself that this was a good thing, and that his role in this was limited to patient waiting. At long last, he got a text from Sirius.

 _Coming out. Got a guest. We're going to have to be quick._

James froze for a moment. A guest? What was Sirius playing at? He started the car with fumbling fingers and reversed a little too quickly, making the tires squeal. He forced himself to drive at a more sedate pace around to the entrance. He pulled up just as Sirius came out the front door. He held it open and a woman emerged behind him. James stared, before remembering that he was supposed to be a professional driver; he got out just in time to open the back door for the new arrivals.

"Cheers," said Sirius.

The woman didn't say anything, just glanced behind her with watchful eyes.

"Sirius, what - "

"Just drive, Prongs."


	17. Chapter 17

Lily didn't know what she was more nervous about – Sirius and James sneaking into Azkaban with a fake I.D., or the idea that she and Remus were conducting a stakeout. She tapped out a rhythm against the edge of the seat. For everything she appreciated about Remus, she was quickly finding he was not a particularly soothing person to be around when waiting nervously; James would have talked to distract her, but Remus just sat there, stoically silent.

Suddenly the ping of an incoming text broke the tense silence. She dove for her phone and only breathed again when she read James' short message.

 _How's it going?_

 _All clear, you?_ she shot back.

She assumed he would have told her from the get go if something was amiss, but she needed to double check.

"How are they" Remus asked.

"Sirius has just gone in, so they got past the gate ok."

"No sign of Regulus yet is a good thing, but I don't want to jinx us."

Lily nodded and they retreated back into silence. Maybe Remus was a highly superstitious person and refused to talk out of fear of jinxes. Lily dismissed the idea at once as ridiculous.

"So, I heard you found a studio?" she tried.

Remus' face broke into a smile and he began telling her about it.

Twenty minutes later, Lily was just starting to relax. There was still no sign of Regulus and, from James' end, she had decided that no news was good news. She had just turned to Remus, intending to broach the topic of his potential teaching certificate, when a sharp rap on the glass behind her made her jump. Whipping around, she found herself face-to-face with Severus through the car window. He was wearing a grimly satisfied expression. Lily's heart plummeted. She had planned for Regulus; she had not planned to run into Severus.

"Fuck."

"I've got it." Remus opened the door and climbed out of the drivers' seat.

"Severus," he addressed Snape pleasantly over the top of the car. "How can we help you?"

"I need to speak with Lily," Severus said superciliously, not even looking at Remus.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible," Remus said breezily. "You see - "

"I'm afraid this isn't a negotiation, Lupin. I _will_ speak to Lily, unless you'd like me to call the Azkaban guards right now."

Remus faltered, and Lily knew he was thinking the same thing she was – they hadn't received confirmation that Sirius and James had gotten safely away from Azkaban.

"It's fine, Remus," Lily said, swinging open the car door and forcing Snape to jump out of the way.

With her back to Severus, she mouthed to Remus, "Call them, please." Then she turned back to Severus. He was looking at her with a painful mix of disgust and longing, a look she was becoming uncomfortably familiar with on his face.

"What, Severus?"

He jerked his head for them to walk a short distance away. Lily followed reluctantly. She could almost feel Remus' anxious eyes on her back. She felt angry. With herself, for getting sucked back into this harmful situation, with James and Sirius, for not moving faster, with Remus, for his anxious eyes and inaction, and most of all with Severus, for making her feel so helpless.

"Well Potter's really dragged you down. Two months and you're breaking laws."

Lily didn't bother answering.

"Do you want to know how I found out?" Snape asked, turning towards her now, his eyes glittering maliciously. "Pettigrew told me." He spat the words out, obviously hoping to shock her, to hurt her. All she felt was dread settling into her stomach. She couldn't even say she was surprised. But James would be devastated. _Sirius_ would be beside himself.

"He was on his way to tell Bellatrix. Tattle on Regulus _and_ his friends. Maybe trying to get Regulus' job. I stopped him outside the office and forced him to tell me instead. I saved you, Lily."

Desperation surfaced now, beneath the veneer of contempt. Lily watched him, feeling detached. She knew what he was trying to do, it was so obvious.

"Bellatrix – she would have destroyed you – you, and Potter, and Black and Lupin. She would have pinned something on you – you'd never work a decent job again. I knew I could have stopped you myself, but I knew that fucker Potter would never stop until he found out what was going on at Azkaban. He would have destroyed your life, Lily. He doesn't care about you. So I let him…find out. _I_ did that, Lily. It will destroy T.M. Riddle. But I let it happen, Lily. To protect you."

He was dripping in self-righteousness now. Lily had always known he'd had it, that he viewed himself as fundamentally better, smarter, than other humans. But he was generally clever enough to disguise it.

"Well," she said. "I'm very sorry you'll lose your job."

She half turned back towards the car, hoping Remus would give her a signal about whether James and Sirius were out.

"I have another," Snape interjected behind her, evidently trying to hold her attention. "Another company's been trying to poach me for ages, they want my skills - "

"Impressed as I am by your survival instincts, Severus," Lily bit out, still craning her neck for a sign of Remus, "not to mention your ability to double cross everybody - "

"I left T.M. Riddle for _you_ , Lily Don't you get it? Everything – all of this, is for you!"

He grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him fully, gripping her in an effort to impress on her his earnestness.

"Let go of me!" she wrenched her arm away. "You seem to be confused about the nature of real friendship, Severus, not to mention relationships. It's not a tit-for-tat. Just because you chose to do something that you say is 'for me' does not mean that I owe - "

"It is for you!"

"If you genuinely wanted to do something 'for me', Severus, you would actually ask me what I want."

"What do you want?" His cheeks were flushed, eyes wild. "What is it you want, Lily?"

"Respect. I want respect. I want you to stop manhandling me. I want you to stop hiding me, stop pretending that I'm not poor, or the daughter of a Muslim immigrant. To stop trying to control who I spend time with. To stop emotionally manipulating me, and guilt tripping me, and minimizing my feelings. But most of all, I want you to do these things, not because I requested them, but because you genuinely understand why it's important. And that, Severus, is something I've given up expecting from you. And so I've given up on our friendship. Goodbye."

And she turned and walked away from him, half furious, half praying he wouldn't call the Azkaban guards just to spite her. She swung open the car door, got in, and slammed it shut behind her.

"So?" she asked Remus, speaking a little too loudly.

"They're fine. They're driving back to London now."

"And were you going to mention this to me while I was stalling Severus?"

He cowered beneath the look she was giving him.

"I…didn't want to interrupt your conversation. I know the last time you saw Severus it ended on a bad note - "

"And you thought it might be different this time?"

Remus didn't answer. She stormed on, carried by the force of her rage and frustration. "Or were you just trying to assuage your own guilt, Remus? You still feel bad about how you and the others treated him in school, so you were hoping to comfort him with me?"

"Yes, I guess that's it."

She was so surprised by the admission that she stopped and took a breath.

"Sorry, Lily."

She sighed. "It's ok. Sorry I yelled at you. I'd have probably done the same thing."

Just then, Lily's phone rang. It was James.

"You got away ok?"

"Yeah, but we've got someone with us. Meet us back at our flat."

"Who?"

"Um…Dorcas."

"What?"

"Don't freak out! We didn't have a choice. We'll explain back at the flat." He hung up.

Lily turned to Remus, her eyes wide and the phone still pressed to her ear.

"What's the matter?"

"They took Dorcas back with them. We're supposed to meet them at the flat."

"What?!"

"I know."

Remus turned the car on and immediately shifted into gear. "Jesus – one of us should have gone with them. They always go too far – don't they realize this is crossing from minor misdemeanor into serious criminal territory?"

"Could we be arrested? Oh my god. Should we wait to see if Regulus leaves?"

"Too late for that. Let's just get back and see what's going on."

James and Sirius weren't back yet when they arrived. Lily put on the kettle. Remus' phone rang. As he picked it up, Lily saw the caller I.D. – it was Peter.

"Wait - " she said, putting her hand out to stop Remus answering.

"What?"

"Don't answer it."

"Why not, it's Peter?"

"Remus, Peter told Severus what we were planning."

The phone rang out in the ensuing silence.

"I don't…understand."

"He was going to Bellatrix, but Severus intercepted him. He turned in Regulus and us at the same time, so he'd be promoted to Regulus' position."

"That – no. That's not possible. Maybe…maybe Snape was just saying that to – to hurt you."

There was a ping. A text from Peter read _Hey Moony, all good?_

The kettle started to boil, but Lily ignored it. She and Remus stared down at the phone.

"I know he's been angry with us – Sirius especially – but he wouldn't…"

At that moment the front door banged open and Sirius stormed in. Behind him, James was ushering a woman over the threshold. She was dressed plainly in jeans and a sweatshirt, and had wrapped her natural in a red scarf.

"Dorcas, this is Lily and Remus," James said at once, ever the gentleman.

Both Remus and Lily struggled to conceal their shock. Dorcas nodded at each of them, looking tense and vigilant. James smiled encouragingly, but Lily could tell he was worried.

"Come in, sit down. Do you want anything to drink? Any food?"

"Tea would be lovely," said Dorcas clearly.

James went to fetch it, and Lily followed him into the kitchen, where Sirius was pacing.

"What's going on?" she hissed.

"We had to get her out of there. Wait till you hear what she has to say."

"Do you realize how much trouble we could be in?"

"Not as much trouble as T.M. Riddle's going to be in."

"Couldn't you have broken the story then petitioned to get her out?"

"She was scheduled to be deported later this week if she refused to cooperative with Riddle."

"Cooperate?"

"Just listen to what she has to say. I think you'll agree we made the right decision." This from Sirius, who had stopped his pacing but was now cracking his knuckles compulsively.

Lily took a deep breath. "Ok."

They went back into the living room where Remus and Dorcas were sitting in silence. It was unlike Remus not to make someone feel at home, but Lily supposed he was still processing the possibility that Peter was a traitor.

Lily took a seat on the sofa, and James sat down next to her, after handing Dorcas her tea. Sirius stayed in the kitchen.

Lily opened her mouth, but found she was unable to come up with anything to say. Luckily James was there for her.

"Dorcas. We have to decide what to do next. I want to get the article with your story published as quickly as possible; I've already done all the background work – all that's missing is your testimony. I want to reiterate what we said in the car – you are in no ways obligated to tell me your story or to have it put in print. If you'd prefer, we can drop you off wherever you'd like, and you don't ever have to talk to me again."

He paused, looking at Dorcas expectantly, but she was already shaking her head.

"No. I've already made my decision. I want people to know. You don't even need to use a pseudonym – they'll know who I am from the story. But I don't care. Riddle and his people have to be stopped."

James smiled faintly. "I'm glad to hear that. Now. I know you've already told me and Sirius, but to get everything right, I'll have to interview you again, with a recording device and a notebook. We could do that now, or, if you'd rather get some rest and meet up in a few days - "

"Now. I want to do it now. The sooner this article is published, the sooner I'll know what's going to happen to me."

"Ok," said James. "Ok. Remus, Lily – would you introduce yourselves? I'm going to get my laptop so I can record and take notes."

They nodded and he moved quickly towards his room. Lily turned to Dorcas.

"Hi, Dorcas. I'm Lily Evans. I'm, well I'm James' girlfriend, but I also work on immigration policy at The Phoenix Foundation, and so the conditions at detention centres are something I could try to address at work."

Dorcas nodded at Lily, and they both turned to Remus. He seemed totally lost in thought.

"Erm," said Lily after a moment. "This is Remus - " he gave a start.

"Oh, so sorry! I'm Remus Lupin. I'm an old friend of James and Sirius'."

At that moment James reentered the room, sat back down next to Lily, and opened his laptop.

"Right. So, why don't you just start by recounting the story you told Sirius and me in the car. I might ask you a few more questions afterwards just to make sure I've got everything straight, but if there's anything you don't want to reveal, there's no pressure."

She nodded again, and cleared her throat.

"My name is Dorcas Meadowes. I moved here two years ago from Jamaica to enter a microbiology PhD program. I loved it. It was an opportunity I'd dreamed about for years and I thought I'd really be able to build a life for myself here. But, well, the cost of university is higher for international students, and I needed another source of income. I wasn't legally allowed to work on my student visa, so I started looking for under the table jobs. They're not hard to find if you've got the right networks. I was thrilled to get a job as a janitor at T.M. Riddle. Since it was a biotech firm, I thought it might be possible to make valuable connections. Or at least become familiar with the inner workings of a laboratory. And I did get friendly with some of the employees there."

"Including Regulus?" James interrupted.

Dorcas sighed. "Yes. Regulus and I started seeing each other. I wasn't serious about it – I was too focused on my studies – but I was lonely, and he treated me well. He has a good heart, Regulus does, but he's, well, he's a bit naïve about his family. He thought he was being so subtle, but, come on, it was pretty obvious he was afraid they'd find out he was dating a black girl, and a janitor to boot. I know how it is. We'd only been together a couple of months, but I got tired of being his secret woman. I was planning on breaking it off with him when I got reported. I still don't know who turned me in. I thought, for a time, that it had been Regulus, that he'd figured out that I was planning on breaking up with him and was trying to protect his pride. But I don't think so anymore – that's not his style."

"Regulus told us that it was Bellatrix – his cousin. Apparently she found out about you two."

"Ah." Dorcas fell silent for a moment, but it was impossible to tell what was going on in her head. She took a sip of tea, clutching the cup closer to her chest as though drawing warmth from it.

"Well anyway," she continued after a moment. "They took me to the Manor first. I was there for, er, less than a month? I'm not sure. I was…it was difficult. At first I was just…depressed. Lethargic. After all of my work – I'd worked so hard my whole life, got into university, moved across the ocean, away from all of my friends and family – all for this? To be held in prison for a few months and then sent back, all for trying to work? When I found out I was being transferred to Azkaban I thought – that's it. They're going to send me back and there's nothing I can do. No one cares." She paused again, took another sip of tea, seemed to compose herself. She gave a small cough and then started again, her voice getting stronger.

"Then, on my first day at Azkaban, I was called into the office. There was a representative from T.M. Riddle there – Travers, I think. He explained to me that they needed subjects in a study, and they were willing to sponsor a work visa for me in exchange for just 9 months of part time work."

She glanced at Lily as though she expected her to understand something, but Lily was still lost.

"They wanted me to carry one of their babies to term."

"One of their…" Lily started. She glanced at James. He was typing determinately, but he looked furious. Sirius had not returned.

"I don't understand."

"Artificial insemination," Dorcas said. "They want to be the first company in the world who can make babies to order using that CRISPR technology they have. You know, 'I want my kid to have blond hair, blue eyes, and no genetic diseases.' But for all their smart scientists, they haven't figured out how to simulate a women's womb in a petri dish. They still need host bodies. That's where we came in."

"That's why they're buying detention centers," Lily said slowly, with dawning horror.

"Once I heard that, my sadness was gone. It just disappeared. I was so angry, I could hardly think. I don't know exactly what I said to him, but it wasn't polite. I'm sure my deportation date was scheduled that day. I didn't care about that anymore. All I wanted was a way to get back at them, to let people know what was going on. Even if they'd deported me, I'd have found a way to publish it. I wouldn't have let it go. I'm a microbiologist – I want to see this amazing technology advance as much as the next person, but the way they're doing it…" She paused, her nostrils flaring, her hands clenching and unclenching. Lily felt sick.

"If I had to go home, I wouldn't be able to complete my PhD. My career goals would be ruined, but my life wouldn't be. There are other women who don't have that luxury. They'd be sent back to war zones, or famine-stricken countries, or places where they're political enemies of the state. Or they have people here they have to care for – children, elderly parents. They'd do almost anything to stay. For some of them, acting as a laboratory for some sick scientist's eugenics experiment isn't the worst thing that could happen."

There was silence, then. Even James seemed to have forgotten that he was supposed to be asking questions. What more was there to say?

It was not, Lily reflected, as though there was anything surprising about the story, in the scope of history. The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment, Nazi experiments on concentration camp prisoners, the Proton Down chemical experiments…the list went on and on. But it was still shocking, still horrifying. A favorite saying of her mother's drifted into her head. "But for the grace of God…" In another life, that could have been Lily, or her mother, or her sister. What would Lily have done in Dorcas' situation? Would she have had the strength to fight back, to tell her story? What would it take, what would need to be at risk, for her decide that being impregnated in a lab and carrying a child to term was a reasonable trade?

"Dorcas…" said James slowly. "As I'm listening to you talk, I've been thinking: you've said it all perfectly; there's nothing for me to do but paraphrase your words. And that doesn't seem right. This is your story. So I'm wondering…would you like to co-write this article? My background research and your story? Since you're a microbiologist, you might even be able to explain how CRISPR works better than I did. What-what do you say?"

Dorcas was silent for a long moment, then started nodding slowly.

"I suppose my name's going to be in it anyway. And I used to be a science writer for the university paper back home. I'd like that, James."

She looked up and met James' eye, smiling for the first time since she'd entered the flat. Lily couldn't say she felt like smiling yet, but she was glad Dorcas was satisfied.

"If I'm going to write part of it, though, I'd rather do it at home on my own."

"Of course!" James said, setting his laptop down and getting up.

Just then, Sirius reentered the room. "I'll drop you off wherever you'd like to go," he said to Dorcas. He had changed out of his suit into a ripped pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Dorcas nodded.

"Good. I wanted to talk to you about your brother in private."

Sirius looked stony, but held out his hands for James' keys. Dorcas set her mug on the coffee table and stood up. She looked around at each of them.

"Thank you. I owe you all a great deal."

"No," said Remus and Lily together.

"We owe you, Dorcas," added James.

She clasped each of their hands briefly, then walked through the door Sirius was holding open for her. He followed, shutting it surprisingly softly behind him.

James, Lily, and Remus all looked at each other for a moment in silence. The moment was broken by Remus' phone lighting up with an incoming call. Peter's face popped up on the screen. Lily and Remus met each other's eyes; a quick, almost guilty glance. Then Remus reached down and sent the call to voicemail.

"That was Pete!" James said, sounding surprised. "He probably wants to know what's going on."

"Yeah, I'll call him back. I'm going to go for a walk around the block."

"Oh," James looked slightly confused. "In that case, I'll just call him right now. He probably wants to hear from us."

"No," said Remus, a little too quickly. "I meant I'll call him…on my walk."

"Oh, ok," said James, still looking slightly nonplussed. Remus hesitated, then gave a jerky sort of nod, crammed his phone into his pocket, and headed out after Sirius and Dorcas.

"That was weird," said James, sinking down onto the couch.

"We're all a little shaken up," offered Lily.

They sat there in silence for a long time, holding each other. But once Lily's brain had picked over everything Dorcas had told them, had felt wave after wave of disgust crash over her, she had no choice but to turn to the unresolved elephant in the room.

Severus could very easily have made the whole thing up; he could have found out about their plan some other way and then tried to implicate Peter to split up the boys. But somehow, Lily knew – she _knew._ She knew Severus, and she didn't think he'd been lying. Then there was the behaviour of Peter himself. Suddenly, a memory bobbed to the surface. Peter, Severus, and herself in the kitchen of her old flat.

 _"I'm surprised to see you here, Pettigrew. Although I shouldn't be. You've already betrayed Potter once."_

At the time, Lily had written Peter's terrified expression off as an overreaction to an old memory from school. But now it occurred to her…what if Severus had been talking about something more recently. Slowly, as if through mud, her brain began to dredge up old, unconscious, and half-realized suspicions. The warnings Peter had kept giving James that something dire would happen if he kept writing about T.M. Riddle. And James had called Peter, had he not, the day before _The Quibbler_ was shut down, to ask if Peter knew anything about The Manor. Was it possible…

"James," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

He gave a small start, and she was sure he had been deep in thought.

"James, now that we know what T.M. Riddle's been hiding, and we know how serious the allegations are, does it seem any more likely that the closing of _The Quibbler_ was related to your article?"

James frowned. "I-I wasn't really thinking about that. I dunno. I mean, maybe. That's not something I'm likely to find out anytime soon though; it could come out in court, I suppose, if T.M. Riddle is investigated. Blimey, I hope they are. I hope this article shuts them down."

"Severus thinks it will," said Lily without thinking.

"What?!" James spluttered, turning to face her.

She suddenly remembered that she hadn't told him she'd spoken to Severus, because his presence was intimately tied to the unvoiced accusations against Peter. She wasn't sure how to explain, didn't feel able to accuse Peter without Remus there, without more _proof_.

"Lily, when did you talk to Snape?"

"I-he found out what we were doing. And he confronted Remus and I in the parking lot of T.M. Riddle."

"Jesus, Lily, were you going to _mention_ this?"

"I mean, there's been a lot going on," she said defensively.

"Never mind that, what did he say? Did he report us? Why didn't he call Azkaban?"

"I guess he realized that T.M. Riddle's days were numbered. He recognized that the story was going to come out one way or the other, and he wanted out before the fallout happened and made him unhirable. He's planning on leaving the firm and he already has another job."

"That's all very well and good, but why didn't he try to stop us?"

Lily looked at him, willing him to understand without her having to spell it out. He stared back, uncomprehending.

"Me, James. Whatever he's done, whatever he's become, he still cares about me. If we were to get caught, there's a good chance I'd be implicated too, and then my future prospects would be ruined. He thought he'd be able to use this as a bargaining chip to regain my friendship…and maybe more."

James' face convulsed with rage and disgust.

"He's not all bad, James. He threw his company under the bus for me."

"But you just said it! He _knew_ T.M. Riddle was in trouble. He tried to manipulate you! Are you saying you're going to go back - "

"I never said that," Lily bit out, trying to contain her impatience. "I'm not going to be friends with him again. But I can recognize him for what he is - "

"Which is…?"

"Confused. Lonely. Hateful, sometimes. But not all bad."

Lily could tell that James was biting down on his own tongue to prevent himself from responding. She reached out and placed one of her hands over his clenched fist.

"You don't have to agree with me, James. But please respect my right to have my own opinion and don't try to talk me out of it."

Slowly, his fist unclenched. He nodded.

"Thank you," she said, and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

At that moment, the door reopened and Sirius appeared.

" 'Lo," he grunted, collapsing into the armchair opposite the sofa where Lily and James were seated.

"Where did Dorcas want to be taken?"

"A flat in Brixton. One of her mate's."

"What did she want to talk to you about?" asked James, hesitantly.

Sirius shrugged jerkily. "Just stuff."

At that moment, James' phone buzzed. He glanced at the number, then hit talk, balancing it between his ear and his shoulder.

"Hey Moony." James listened for a few seconds, then said, "Yeah, we're all here. Come on over anytime." He hung up and tossed the phone onto the sofa, standing up and stretching.

"Moony's coming now, with Wormtail."

James stumped into the kitchen to get some beers. Lily looked over at Sirius. He was still slumped in the armchair, staring straight ahead.

"Sirius…?"

"How does this make you feel about Snape?"

As Lily looked at him, she felt a new emotion, quite apart from the anger, stress, and sadness of the day. Compassion. She and Sirius were, once again, in the same boat.

"Most likely the same way it makes you feel about Regulus."

"He wanted her to be a part of it, Lily. The experiments. He encouraged her to be a part, so she could stay in the country. So he could keep seeing her. How could he be so, incredibly, fucking selfish? He could have come to you to ask about ways to get her out of detention, ways to plead her case to the judge, but he didn't. He only wanted to deliver a note. How can I…"

Lily got up, without thinking about it, and moved to kneel in front of Sirius' chair. She reached up and placed her hands over his fists, as she'd done earlier to James.

"I won't tell you to accept it, because I can never, _never_ accept that Severus was part of that company, that he knew what was going on and he chose to stay silent. Not just to stay silent; to be actively complicit. But Sirius, even though he's your brother, _you_ aren't at fault."

"It's not about who's at fault - "

"It is, though. You feel guilty."

"I just, I wish I had paid more attention to him while we were growing up. Maybe I could have convinced him that my family had it all wrong, cultivated something of a conscience in him. But I just thought, since he didn't automatically agree with me, he wasn't worth bothering with."

"On the other hand you could have spent years banging your head against the wall, arguing in circles with him and never getting anywhere, like I did with Severus."

Sirius let out a humorless bark of laughter.

"That's true, Lily Evans. That is true."

He still looked furious and trapped, but at least his hands turned over so that Lilys' were resting in them. She clung tight, hoping against hope that Severus had been wrong, that they weren't about to experience another betrayal.

But when Remus entered the flat ten minutes later, holding Peter's upper arm in a vice grip, Lily knew that it was true. She and James were sitting on the couch, and Sirius had disappeared into his room.

"Remus!" James began in greeting, then he blinked. "Remus? What are you doing?"

Remus practically threw Peter into the remaining armchair.

"Wormtail's got something to tell us," he said in a clipped voice.

Sirius entered the living room. "What's going on?"

Peter, who had already been cowering into the chair, shrank back even further, as though hoping to disappear into the cushions.

"Go on, Wormtail," said Remus, still in that icy, controlled tone. "Tell the others here what you've been up to at work."

Peter, seemingly unable to help himself, burst out, "I didn't _mean_ for it to happen, I didn't _know_!"

"You know what?" said Remus. "We don't need to waste our time with this. _I'll_ tell them what you did, how's that sound Peter?"

He turned to James and Sirius, who were both frozen.

"Peter here ratted us out. He went to tell Bellatrix Lestrange we were planning on meeting with Dorcas today - "

"Wait, what?" Sirius interjected, but Remus held up his hand for silence. "Luckily for us, Snape intercepted him. He told Snape instead, but Snape decided not to stop us."

"Snape?" spluttered Sirius.

"He was trying to protect me, so he decided to let T.M. Riddle deal with the consequences of James' article and got himself a new job," explained Lily quietly.

She wasn't watching Sirius and James' expressions of confusion and dawning horror. Her eyes were fixed on Peter. He was looking anywhere but at the four of them, and any hopes Lily had held for his innocence were dashed.

"I don't believe this," said James from beside her, and she turned to find he was standing up, beginning to pace, looking desperate. "I don't believe it. Peter – what's going on? I'm sure there's an explanation here."

"James," said Lily quietly. He ignored her. "You were helping us. Did Snape frame you? You can tell us, we won't be angry."

"Yes!" said Peter desperately. "Snape-Snape framed me, James. It wasn't my fault, I didn't mean anything by it."

"Peter," said Lily, and he turned to her, a pleading look in his eyes, hopeful for another ally. "Peter, can you please tell us how T.M. Riddle found out James was writing this article? _The Quibbler_ was shut down, you see, based on information provided by Lucius Malfoy, a close personal friend of Riddle's."

There was no mistaking it now – guilt was clearly written across Peter's face. "It wasn't me, I-I don't know anything. It wasn't me!" His terrified squeaks were as good as a confession.

Sirius had stopped stood, and was staring intently at Peter. "You sold us out," he said quietly, dangerously. Peter flinched. "You fucking sold us out!"

"Not just us," Remus said quietly. "You knew what was going on, didn't you? At T.M. Riddle. You knew about the experiments. And you were willing to let it continue, to keep your job?"

"Remus, no!" Peter protested. "I didn't know, I didn't know! I didn't know what they were doing in the lab, I swear!"

Lily wondered how Peter had possibly managed to conceal what he was doing from them when his face was such an open book now. And then she realized, because Severus had done the same thing.

"That's why you've been avoiding your friends, isn't it," she spoke up. "You blamed it on the fight with Sirius, but it wasn't really that, was it? You didn't want them finding out the truth. Was it worth it, Peter? Keeping your job but losing your friends?"

Sirius started to move towards Peter, his teeth practically bared, but James was on his feet in a moment, stepping hastily between them.

"Leave it, Padfoot."

"James - "

"Leave it." He turned to Peter. "Get out."

"But - "

"Get. Out."

Peter hesitated for another moment, then stood up and scampered toward the door.

"Oh, and Peter?

Peter turned around at the sound of James' voice, the faintest glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"If you tell anyone about Dorcas, we will find you and we will make you regret it."

Peter shrunk back and a moment later, he was gone.


	18. Chapter 18

The next few weeks seemed to pass by uncomfortably quickly. James met with Dorcas again that weekend and they pushed the story out as quickly as possible, selling it first to an online news site. From there, it quickly went viral, and within a week, the top tier at T. M. Riddle were under arrest. It helped that Lily had ensured a copy of the article reached Albus Dumbledore's desk on the day it was published. A whole barrage of media and immigrants rights groups made Dorcas the face of their outrage, and it was under great public pressure that a judge declared her clear of all charges and restored her student visa. She confessed to Lily a few weeks later when they met up for coffee that the interviews she'd given since would pay her bills for a while.

"No more illegal janitorial work for me!" she practically sang. "And uni is letting me pick up again next semester."

James, meanwhile, had enough work lined up to keep writing freelance indefinitely. When Lily asked him whether he'd miss an office environment, he hesitated.

"Maybe. But this way, I can cover more important social issues that papers wouldn't normally pick up."

"Plus you like the glamour of it, right? You don't like being tied down."

He conceded that that sounded about right.

Lily had finally found a place to live with Benjy Fenwick, an old Hogwarts acquaintance of the Marauders. She had never officially been on the lease in her flat with Severus, so, shoving aside her guilt, she simply stopped paying rent. It was to her relief that he did not attempt to contact her again. He had slinked away from T.M. Riddle just before the scandal had broken, handing in his notice and disappearing to his new job. She knew Severus had acted in an attempt to win her back, but, for her own sense of closure, she chose to view it as his way of apologizing. Thoughts of him and regret came and passed in waves, and she dreaded going home to Cokeworth, where she would be inundated with memories of their shared childhood. But still, she had no doubt that she had made the right choice in letting him go.

The same could not be said for James. Although he said again and again that they were better off without Peter (or "the traitor" as Sirius insisted on calling him), Lily knew he had not yet accepted what had transpired. He woke her up one night and asked if she believed in forgiveness.

"You mean like me forgiving you for disturbing my sleep?" she had muttered, rubbing her eyes.

"Sorry, sorry, go back to sleep."

"No." She sat up a bit, pulling to blankets closer for warmth. "I suppose," she said after a minute of silence, "if the person is truly repentant."

"Yeah," James had muttered. They lay in silence for several long moments before James said, "What about Snape? Have you forgiven him?"

"No," said Lily truthfully. "I mean, I don't entirely blame him for our friendship falling apart. But I haven't forgiven him for condoning what T.M. Riddle was doing. I probably never will."

"Do you think he knew?"

"Severus?"

"No, Peter."

Lily bit her lip. She had not really given the matter much thought; she had just assumed Peter must have known. But then again, he had been an administrative worker, not a lab tech, and he had seemed the most genuine when denying that he knew anything about the CRISPR experiments.

"It's possible," said Lily slowly, "that he didn't know the worst of it."

"Are you just saying that to make me feel better?"

"No. You know I'm always honest with you about this stuff."

"Yeah."

James rolled closer to Lily, and she nestled into his chest. James started stroking her hair in a way that usually lulled her to sleep, but she was wide awake now.

"James," she said suddenly, as an idea occurred to her, "Would you come to my sister's wedding with me?"

He ceased stroking, and seemed to catch his breath. "Of course, love."

"It's up in Edinburgh. And while we're in Scotland, maybe we could visit your old school. We could go to Hogwarts."

Even in the dim light of the streetlamps filtering through the curtains, Lily could see James' expression twist.

"I don't want to go back there right now."

She took his hand. "You have to face it eventually. It might help with closure, to go back and remember. At least, that's what I'm hoping I'll feel. About Severus."

Her voice got quieter, and James moved his hand to cup her face.

"Lily, I'm so sorry. I haven't been very sensitive to how you might be feeling about that."

"It's ok," she reassured him. "I've been all right. It was less…sudden for me. Still, I think it might be hard to go back. I'd like to have you with me."

"Can I see where you grew up?" James asked, a bit of excitement creeping into his voice.

"That would be the idea. We can go to Petunia's wedding, visit my hometown, and see Hogwarts all in one trip."

James didn't say anything for a moment, his eyes roving over Lily's face. Finally he said, "I'd like that."

Lily smiled faintly and settled back onto his chest.

"Everything's changing," James whispered. "Lots of things I used to take for granted don't seem true anymore."

Lily knew what he meant.

"But, I suppose, good things come too." He reached down to lace his fingers through hers. "I just have to get used to the changes."

"Maybe, given time, you'll find this is ok too," Lily suggested.

"When I'm old and wise and my beard is as long as Dumbledore's?"

Lily laughed. "You'll be a great old man."

"You're older."

"Shut up."

He rolled over to lay on top of her, and bent his head down to kiss her softly, and Lily thought she, too, could get used to this.

 _Well, that's it folks, thanks for reading, reviewing, following, etc! I'm already working on a new story, but I want to have it completely finished before I start posting, so it could be quite a while. It will mostly canon and focus on the Marauders and Lily fighting in the Order of the Phoenix._


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